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Post by Naj on Jul 20, 2005 16:22:59 GMT -5
This is spooky, I just read that joke online in the last three days. :smile44:
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Post by TVFan on Jul 21, 2005 9:45:10 GMT -5
Too weird Naj! Someone had just sent it to me over email. At first, I thought it was one of those "feel good/inspiration" type of emails, but then the last bit just killed me!
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Post by Trublu on Jul 21, 2005 13:28:22 GMT -5
Lol very funny TV ;D
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Post by TVFan on Jul 25, 2005 15:48:28 GMT -5
The Ferrari
A young man goes to buy the best car on the market, a brand new Ferrari GT. It is also the most expensive car in the world, and it costs him $500,000. He takes it out for a spin and stops at a red light. An old man on a Moped, looking about 100 years old, pulls up next to him. The old man looks over at the sleek, shiny car and asks, "What kind of car ya' got there sonny?" The young man replies, "A Ferrari GTO. It cost half a million dollars!" "That's a lot of money," says the old man. "Why does it cost so much?" " Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!" he states proudly. The old moped driver asks, "Mind if I take a look inside?" "No problem," replies the owner. So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Then, sitting back on his Moped, the old man says, "That's a pretty nice car, all right...but I'll stick with my Moped!" Just then the light changes, so the young guy decides to show the old man what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds, the speedometer reads 160 mph. Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer! He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly Whoosh! something whips by him going much faster! "What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari?" the young man asks himself. He floors the accelerator and takes the Ferrari up to 250 mph. Then, up ahead of him, he sees that it's the old man on the Moped! Amazed that the Moped could pass his Ferrari, he gives it more gas and passes the moped at 275 mph. WHOOOOOOOSHHHHH! He's feeling pretty good until he looks in his mirror and sees the old man gaining on him AGAIN! Astounded by the speed of this old guy, he floors the gas pedal and takes the Ferrari all the way up to 320 mph. Not ten seconds later, he sees the Moped bearing down on him again! The Ferrari is flat out, and there's nothing he can do! Suddenly, the Moped plows into the back of his Ferrari, demolishing the rear end. The young man stops and jumps out, unbelievably the old man is still alive! He runs up to the mangled old man and says, "Oh My God! Is there anything I can do for you?" The old man whispers... "UNHOOK...MY...SUSPENDERS...FROM...YOUR...SIDE VIEW....MIRROR!"
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Post by soccerulz on Jul 25, 2005 21:03:05 GMT -5
Haha ;D
That's really funny TVFan. Thanks, I needed a good laugh.
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Post by V on Jul 26, 2005 8:53:22 GMT -5
Good one, TVFan! :smile21: And your joke reminded me of one...
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on it."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
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Post by TVFan on Jul 26, 2005 10:35:34 GMT -5
That's too funny V! :smile81:
Here's another one someone just sent me:
Cinderella is now 95 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now dead prince, she happily sits upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat named Bob for companionship. One sunny afternoon out of nowhere, appeared the fairy godmother. Cinderella said, "Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years"? The fairy godmother replied, "Cinderella, you have lived an exemplary life since I last saw you. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?" Cinderella was taken aback, overjoyed, and after some thoughtful consideration, she uttered her first wish: "The prince was wonderful, but not much of an investor. I'm living hand to mouth on my disability checks, and I wish I were wealthy beyond comprehension. Instantly her rocking chair turned into solid gold Cinderella said, "Ooh, thank you, Fairy Godmother". The fairy godmother replied "it is the least that I can do. What do you want for your second wish?" Cinderella looked down at her frail body, and said, "I wish I were young and full of the beauty and youth I once had." At once, her wish became reality, and her beautiful young visage returned. Cinderella felt stirrings inside of her that had been dormant for years. And then the fairy godmother spoke once more: "You have one more wish; what shall it be?" Cinderella looks over to the frightened cat in the corner and says, "I wish for you to transform Bob, my old cat, into a kind and handsome young man." Magically, Bob suddenly underwent so fundamental a change in his biological make-up that, when he stood before her, he was a man so beautiful the likes of him neither she nor the world had ever seen. The fairy godmother said, "Congratulations, Cinderella, enjoy your new life. With a blazing shock of bright blue electricity, the fairy godmother was gone as suddenly as she appeared. For a few eerie moments, Bob and Cinderella looked into each other's eyes. Cinderella sat, breathless, gazing at the most beautiful, stunningly perfect man she had ever seen. Then Bob walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her rocking chair, & held her close in his young muscular arms. He leaned in close, blowing her golden hair with his warm breath as he whispered.......... "Bet you're sorry you neutered me."
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Post by stlcardinalfan on Jul 29, 2005 4:24:19 GMT -5
This thread is WAY too funny!!! I got one, it's a sports joke. Soccerulz, you'll like this as will anyone else from the New England area.
A tourist from NYC was taking a walk in Boston Common when he sees this huge vicious dog attacking a little boy. The dog was rabid and foaming at the mouth and everything. Thinking quickly, the tourist grabs the dog and snaps its head back breaking its neck. A reporter for the Boston Globe hears the commotion and decides it would make a great story. The reporter goes over to interview the tourist and starts a page in his notebook that says "RED SOX FAN SAVES LITTLE BOY FROM BAD DOG." The tourist tells him he's not a Red Sox fan. The reporter apologizes and says "I just thought you were a Sox fan because we're in Boston." The reporter starts a new page that says "PATRIOTS FAN RESCUES CHILD FROM VICIOUS ANIMAL." The tourist says he's not a Patriots fan either. The reporter apologizes again and starts another page that says "CELTICS FAN SAVES BOY FROM RABID ANIMAL." The tourist says he's not a Celtics fan either. The reporter, getting annoyed asks "What team do you like then?" The tourist answers, "The Yankees." The reporter starts a page in his notebook that says "LITTLE @*^$#& FROM NEW YORK KILLS FAMILY PET."
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Post by TVFan on Jul 29, 2005 10:09:35 GMT -5
That's hysterical stlcardinalfan!! I grew up in Connecticut, and my parents are HUGE Yankee fans, so I can totally appreciate that one! I'm sure they would enjoy that joke in reverse!
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Post by Trublu on Jul 29, 2005 10:12:30 GMT -5
Lol stlcardinalfan that was awesome! :smile21: :smile81:
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Post by soccerulz on Jul 29, 2005 13:48:00 GMT -5
Haha, you're right STLCardinal, I did love that joke.
The sad thing is, that's pretty much how it would go! Haha
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Post by Naj on Jul 31, 2005 12:46:44 GMT -5
Oh my these are all so funny! Porche. lol....
The end is near! A priest and pastor from the local parishes are standing by the side of the road holding up a sign that reads, "The End is near! Turn yourself around now before it's too late!"
They planned to hold up the sign to each passing car.
"Leave us alone you religious nuts!" yelled the first driver as he sped by.
From around the curve they heard screeching tires and a big splash.
"Do you think," said one clergy to the other, "we should just put up a sign that says ‘Bridge Out' instead?"
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Post by stlcardinalfan on Jul 31, 2005 15:39:16 GMT -5
Funny stuff Naj!!!!!!!!
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Post by Ryebeach on Jul 31, 2005 19:11:50 GMT -5
LOL Naj!!! Great one! :smile21:
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Post by Shorty on Aug 1, 2005 1:51:53 GMT -5
ROTFL!!!!! :smile81: :smile81: :smile81: :smile81: :smile81:
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Post by Naj on Aug 3, 2005 8:40:36 GMT -5
Redneck 911
A couple of redneck hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing; his eyes are rolled back in his head.
The other redneck starts to panic, then whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
He frantically blurts out to the operator, "O my gawd! Help! My friend just died. He's Dead! What can I do?"
The operator, trying to calm him says, "Take it easy. I can help. Just listen to me and follow my instructions. First, lets make sure he's dead."
There's a short pause, and then the operator hears a loud gun shot!!!
The redneck comes back on the line and says, "OK, now what?"
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Post by TVFan on Aug 3, 2005 10:19:57 GMT -5
Oh my goodness! :smile44: Too funny Naj! :smile21:
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Post by Naj on Aug 4, 2005 21:30:52 GMT -5
Oh my goodness! Too funny Naj! Isn't that awful? ~Naj :smile82:
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Post by Shorty on Aug 5, 2005 1:28:01 GMT -5
hey, im a senior detective WAAHOOO!!!!!! AND im getting my ears peirced (so long as itt costs under $20) TOMORROW! i feel so lucky ;D
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Post by Naj on Aug 5, 2005 8:00:09 GMT -5
OMG I have one but it's not appropriate to post. I've heard it before but it's absolutely hilarious.
Okay......
What to wear on an airplane... Three old black ladies were preparing for their first plane flight.
The first lady said, "I don't know bout y'all, but I'm gonna wear me some hot pink panties on dis flight."
"Why you gonna wear dat?" the other two asked.
The first replied, "Cause, if dat plane goes down and I'm out dere laying butt-up in a corn field, dey gonna find me first."
The second lady says, "Well, I'm a-gonna wear me some fluorescent orange panties.""Why you gonna wear dat?" the others asked.
The second lady answered: "Cause if dat plane goes down, and I'm floating butt-up in the ocean, dey can see me first."
The third old lady says, "Well, I'm not going to wear any panties at all.""What? No panties?!" the others said in disbelief.
"Dat's right," says the third lady. "I'm not wearing any panties, cause if dat plane goes down, the first thing they always look for is da black box!"
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