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Post by Naj on Aug 10, 2005 20:49:04 GMT -5
Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.
Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies - two in the front seat and three in the back - wide eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"
"Ma'am," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers." "Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly... Twenty-Two miles an hour!" the old woman says a bit proudly. The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle, explains to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit.
A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error. "But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car ok? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time." the officer asks.
"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute, officer. We just got off Route 119."
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Post by Trublu on Aug 10, 2005 21:10:25 GMT -5
:smile81: <--- Thats all i have to say ;D
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Post by Ryebeach on Aug 10, 2005 21:39:26 GMT -5
Too funny and I can so picture that!! LOL :smile81: :smile21:
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Post by soccerulz on Aug 11, 2005 20:26:53 GMT -5
Haha! Thanks Naj! That sounds like something I would do! Sometimes when I'm driving, I'll just look for any sign with numbers on it.....
So, if any of you are ever driving in Maine, watch out! Haha
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Post by Naj on Aug 16, 2005 15:20:12 GMT -5
Your losing your load As a Minnesota trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says, "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"
The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"
Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street. At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door. The trucker lowers the window. Again she says, "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"
When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde. He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it, he says, "Hi, my name is Kevin, its winter in Minnesota, and I'm driving the SALT TRUCK!"
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Post by TVFan on Aug 16, 2005 15:48:36 GMT -5
:smile81: Naj
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Post by Trublu on Aug 16, 2005 15:56:09 GMT -5
Its cruel, but its funny :smile21:
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Post by Shorty on Aug 20, 2005 18:26:20 GMT -5
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Post by Naj on Aug 21, 2005 11:58:22 GMT -5
Lawyer: "And lastly, Gary, all your responses must be oral. Ok? What school do you go to?" Witness: "Oral." Lawyer: "How old are you?" Witness: "Oral." :smile21: There are a bunch of funny ones in this. Good find shorty.
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Post by stlcardinalfan on Aug 23, 2005 22:38:40 GMT -5
There's an old saying, If you represent yourself in court you have a fool for a client. This proves it. Accused, Defending his own case: "Did you get a good look at my face when I took your purse?" The defendant was found guilty and sentenced to ten years in jail.
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Post by Naj on Sept 11, 2005 9:13:30 GMT -5
Making a Confession A drunken man staggered into a Catholic church, sat down in the Confessional and said nothing. The priest is waiting and waiting and waiting. The priest coughs to attract the drunk man's attention, but still the man says nothing. The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak. Finally the drunk replies, ''No use knockin,' pal. There's no paper."
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Post by TVFan on Sept 12, 2005 13:28:54 GMT -5
:smile81: That's great Naj!! I love it!!
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samanda
Lilly Rush
Spoiler Queen [/center]
Posts: 3,243
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Post by samanda on Sept 12, 2005 17:50:04 GMT -5
Loved it too. :smile21:
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Post by stlcardinalfan on Sept 16, 2005 18:08:07 GMT -5
THE TELEVISIONA blonde went to an appliance store to buy a new television. When she found one she wanted, the salesman turned her down saying "We don't sell to blondes." So she went out and dyed her hair brown and came back to the store but was turned down again "We don't sell to blondes." Then she dyed her hair red. When she went back the sales man told her once again "We don't sell to blondes." She started to get tiffed and asked "Why do you think I'm a blonde? Can't you see my hair's red? " The salesman answered "I know you're a blonde because that 'television' is a microwave!"
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Post by Naj on Sept 16, 2005 20:54:22 GMT -5
:smile21: Good one stlcardinalfan. ;D ~Naj
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Post by stlcardinalfan on Sept 17, 2005 2:12:52 GMT -5
I got another one but be warned, it's not very appropriate.
GONE HUNTING
A man took his son deer hunting. The man said "Son, wait right here and don't make a sound." And he went into the woods. Then he heard this bloodcurdling scream. He ran back to his son and said "What's the problem? I told you not to make a sound." The boy looked at his dad and said "When the bear sniffed me, I didn't make a sound. When the rattlesnake slithered over my shoe, I didn't make a sound. When the coyote circled me, I didn't make a sound. But when the squirrel went up my pants and said 'Should I eat them now or take them home for later?' I couldn't help but to scream."
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Post by Ju on Sept 17, 2005 12:14:35 GMT -5
THE TELEVISIONA blonde went to an appliance store to buy a new television. When she found one she wanted, the salesman turned her down saying "We don't sell to blondes." So she went out and dyed her hair brown and came back to the store but was turned down again "We don't sell to blondes." Then she dyed her hair red. When she went back the sales man told her once again "We don't sell to blondes." She started to get tiffed and asked "Why do you think I'm a blonde? Can't you see my hair's red? " The salesman answered "I know you're a blonde because that 'television' is a microwave!" So, Lilly couldn't buy a new tv! ;D
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Post by Ju on Sept 17, 2005 12:26:51 GMT -5
I got another one but be warned, it's not very appropriate. GONE HUNTINGA man took his son deer hunting. The man said "Son, wait right here and don't make a sound." And he went into the woods. Then he heard this bloodcurdling scream. He ran back to his son and said "What's the problem? I told you not to make a sound." The boy looked at his dad and said "When the bear sniffed me, I didn't make a sound. When the rattlesnake slithered over my shoe, I didn't make a sound. When the coyote circled me, I didn't make a sound. But when the squirrel went up my pants and said 'Should I eat them now or take them home for later?' I couldn't help but to scream." :smile81: :smile81: :smile81: :smile81:
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Shannon
Desk Clerk I
the one who's name we shall not say's Gal[/color]
Cold Case Just Got Hotter!
Posts: 35
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Post by Shannon on Sept 17, 2005 18:23:52 GMT -5
THE TELEVISIONA blonde went to an appliance store to buy a new television. When she found one she wanted, the salesman turned her down saying "We don't sell to blondes." So she went out and dyed her hair brown and came back to the store but was turned down again "We don't sell to blondes." Then she dyed her hair red. When she went back the sales man told her once again "We don't sell to blondes." She started to get tiffed and asked "Why do you think I'm a blonde? Can't you see my hair's red? " The salesman answered "I know you're a blonde because that 'television' is a microwave!" :smile21: OMG that is sooo funny! Where did you get that at LOL!
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Shannon
Desk Clerk I
the one who's name we shall not say's Gal[/color]
Cold Case Just Got Hotter!
Posts: 35
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Post by Shannon on Sept 17, 2005 18:45:57 GMT -5
I got another one but be warned, it's not very appropriate. GONE HUNTINGA man took his son deer hunting. The man said "Son, wait right here and don't make a sound." And he went into the woods. Then he heard this bloodcurdling scream. He ran back to his son and said "What's the problem? I told you not to make a sound." The boy looked at his dad and said "When the bear sniffed me, I didn't make a sound. When the rattlesnake slithered over my shoe, I didn't make a sound. When the coyote circled me, I didn't make a sound. But when the squirrel went up my pants and said 'Should I eat them now or take them home for later?' I couldn't help but to scream." :smile81: God I laugh so hard that i think i hurt my side lol!
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