Casualty

[TVFan]

This just gets more and more intriguing by the chapter! I can't wait for them to track down Regan. The scene between Scotty, Jeffries, and Dr. Swanson was dead-on (again). You really captured Scotty well! :smile39:

[Disasterfreak]

Hey, TVFan, I'm going to beg some constructive criticism from you. I reread my chapter last night and it sounded like there was an awful lot of dialogue and hardly any descriptions--it made me a little dizzy. Did it have that effect on you? Don't be afraid to tell the truth ;D... I just want to know if it's something I sould pay more attention to in the future. Didn't notice while I was writing it... I guess I wanted to pour out all my ideas as fast as possible before they went away, and it shows.

[TVFan]

Honestly disasterfreak, I really didn't notice. But, I'm more of a script writer type of writer, so I don't use a lot of descriptions. Everything for me in conveyed through my dialog, so I'm not really sure if someone who is used to more descriptive writing would be more observant. Someone like Snow Ivy on fanfiction.net would probably know better than I. She uses a lot of description and little dialog.

Even though I tend to write more dialog/less description, I do really enjoy descriptive scenes (like Snow Ivy's "The Maze"). The descriptions can really enhance what the characters are saying. Let me re-read your latest chapter and then get back to you. I'll pay close attention to the dialog to description ratio.

[Disasterfreak]

Thanks, TVFan. Whew, you guys are the best for taking the time to answer my questions. LOL.

Ok, finally I have a new chapter. Here it comes...

www.fanfiction.net/s/2349893/13/

I swear I'll try to put up a character's list soon. Do you think I should? And I'll really make my best efforts to have a new chapter up by the end of the week. Now I may have to disappear for a couple of days cuz I'll be monstrously busy. See ya everyone! Don't forget to review!

[TVFan]

Loved the snoring bit, disasterfreak! Too funny! :smile21: It was so Vera. I also loved the scene where Lilly came home and found the very young "bodyguard" in her apartment. Classic Lilly!

You had some excellent descriptions in the Arlington scenes. I could picture everything so vividly. You really nailed Vera and Jeffries in these scenes as well. Regan sounds like she's going to be a challenge. Oh, and that aunt! Wow! Can't wait to read more!!

A character list would be helpful if you have the time, if not, don't worry about it.

[Disasterfreak]

*Gasps and swears*

Ok, so I've finally got an update. It took me 2 weeks to write and 1 week to beta, since I only have a few minutes each day. Working full time sucks!!! But here it is...

www.fanfiction.net/s/2349893/14/

Thanks for waiting you guys. I hope to catch up on my fanfiction READING tomorrow. Haven't read any of R2K's last fics or saywhatknow's. But I will!

[soccerulz]

Woo-Hoo! Haha, as you know I've been waiting a long time for this. But it was well worth the wait.

Thanks!

[TVFan]

I just loved your descriptions of the inner workings of Lilly's mind! Her ackward pseudo-apology scene with Scotty was so classic Lilly. I loved the hot dog scene as well because it was very vividly written. I could picture every moment, including the honking cars as Lilly rushes (no pun intended) across the street. I'm dying to know who the voice belonged to at the end.

One note, I find it a little confusing to remember who all the different characters are from chapter to chapter. Who was the woman that Lilly spotted across the street at the end and what is her relation to the case again? I'm sorry for being so forgetful. :smile25:

[samanda]

DF, me gusta mucho!
Más por favor! (See I have it in Spanish you have no excuse )

[Disasterfreak]

Thanks for the encouragement, Soccer, TV, and a2z (I'll try to comply, especially as you were so grammatically correct LOL).

TVFan: I figured that would happen. Not your fault, it happens to me with other people's fics all the time. Anyway, the one who's name we shall not say Bryant was the girl who turned out to be a midwife and ran off before she could be questioned. She's the main suspect in the crime regarding the twins. This is exactly why I should have made a character list. I tried to, but it came out so spoilerish I gave it up. I'll give it another try. Thanks for reminding me!

[TVFan]

I definitely remember her now. Thank you so much for getting back to me. I also do the same thing with other people's fics! It's difficult when you don't have actors to flesh out the characters and remind you who they are. I'm so bad with names, too. I usually get through an entire ep of CC and never know most of the characters names! How pathetic is that??!!

[Disasterfreak]

Not pathetic at all--happens to me all the time ;D. In fact, I was really confused when I first got into this board cuz I couldn't remember who was who in the episode discussions. Now I try to pay more attention, but... :smile10:

Anyway, as promised:

Character list

Kylie Feldman: woman who just moved into the Bryants’ old house. She’s the one who found the twins buried in her yard.

Robert Feldman: Kylie’s husband.

Greg Swanson: ob/gyn, performed the ultrasound on Erica Bailey, the alleged mother of the twins. He lived next door to the Bryants’ house around the time the twins were buried. Owns a Simpson forceps, tool supposedly used to assist the twins’ delivery. Polygraph comes out inconclusive.

Gemma Whitney: Swanson’s receptionist. She’s the one who points out the Erica Bailey the detectives are looking for isn’t the one who had the ultrasound, and helps make a composite of this unknown woman.

Jenny Bryant: picture-perfect housewife, owner of the house the twins were found in around the time they were buried. Claims to have gone on a trip with her family in March 2003, the twins’ estimated time of death.

Beau Bryant: Jenny’s husband.

George Bryant: Jenny and Beau’s oldest son, living in New York.

the one who's name we shall not say Bryant: Jenny and Beau’s daughter. Attending Shenandoah University around the time the twins were buried, denies having gone on the Aruba trip with her parents. She majored in business but was afterwards discovered to have studied nurse-midwifery till 2003. In spite of insisting she was not home for spring break 2003, her neighbor reports having seen her. Disappears shortly after being questioned.

Erica Bailey: 39, blonde, married, mother of two. Her identity was used by the mother of the twins for her OB appointment. Disappeared in July 1995 under mysterious circumstances, apparently having run off with another man.

Aaron Bailey: Erica Bailey’s husband, claims to have received a letter from Erica in 1995 admitting that she had run off with another man, thus calling off her missing person’s investigation. Accused to have seen “washing off blood” by his son, he turns out to be a cutter.

Jason Bailey: Aaron and Erica Bailey’s son, 18, a juvenile delinquent. Busted at 14 for holding up a local pharmacy, drug addict, runaway. Claims Aaron Bailey killed his mother. Assures he saw Erica Bailey making out with an unknown man.

Aura Kane: lived across the street from the Bryants around the time the babies were buried, was said to be pregnant, fits the description given of the twins’ mother. On questioning her it turns out she had a miscarriage in December 2002.

Zachary Kane: Aura’s husband.

Lisa Underwood: Swanson’s girlfriend around the time the twins were buried. Lived with him next door to the Bryants till 2003. Claims that she let the one who's name we shall not say Bryant into her house around March that year, just before Swanson’s forceps went missing.

Regan O’Donohue: the one who's name we shall not say Bryant’s roommate from Shenandoah University. Visited Philadelphia for Thanksgiving 2002, around the time the twins’ ultrasound was taken. Fits the description of the twins’ mother as given by Gemma Whitney (the receptionist). Currently living in Arlington with an aunt, she has no job and is said to be “crazy”. Cries when they question her about the twins.

Regan’s aunt (no name yet): Person living with Regan O’Donohue, appears to know what happened in 2003 though she pretends not to.

Williams: Rookie cop, assigned to night-duty at Lilly’s house as “bodyguard”.

[r2k]

I love this. I have been meaning to get around to this since it came out. I got some time. I like how you captured the thoughts of the killer without revealing him/her. I'm going to read a bit here and there and should be done in a few days (actually it will most likely be less than an hour). I read fast.

[Disasterfreak]

Yay! Can't wait to read what you have to say about it. Feel free to tear it apart if you like--anything to make me improve, LOL. Not afraid of criticism.

[soccerulz]

Hey thanks for that list DF, somehow I just noticed it......

[TVFan]

Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! :smile4: This will make handy reference. Very helpful!

[Disasterfreak]

Well, as Eurache says: DAYUM! Can't believe I finally updated this thing. I know that's the story of my life LOL.

Anyway, here it is and thank you all so much for being so loyal. Seven weeks! Yikes! I don't dare make any promises for next chapter either.

www.fanfiction.net/s/2349893/15/

[samanda]

¡Finalmente! Just kidding, DF.

¡Muchísimas garcías! La conseja es muy bien. Continua, por favor.

BTW: I'm just trying to practice my Spanish a bit. Sorry if it's off.

[ruda]

wow
I want more! this ff rocks! I need to know what will be happend next!

gosh! give us next chapter, long chapter ;D

[TVFan]

Excellent chapter disasterfreak! Definitely worth the wait. I like how you made Regan sympathetic, which is not easy to do. I found myself torn between hating her for what she did and feeling bad for her because of the circumstances around the actions. I also liked the way you described how Stillman interpreted everything that Regan said. It was a nice touch, especially the way you tied in his experience with his daughter.