What The Heart Wants.

[lillyscotty]

Title: What The Heart Wants
Summary: Lilly has cancer. How does she deal with it? More importantly how does Scotty deal with it? Will it push them together or further apart? Set at the start of Season 7.
Pairing: Lilly and Scotty
Rating: PG-13
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Lilly awoke screaming. The nightmare was horrible. She opened her eyes to see she had yet again fallen out of bed. She rubbed her eyes, making sure it was just a dream. She groaned in agony as she felt her head start to spread pain through her body.

Once she had gathered the strength, she slowly got up. She held the bedside table feeling dizzy. At that moment she wished she had someone there to help her.

After she had cleared her head, she collapsed onto her bed.

After the car accident Lilly’s nightmares had come back. However that wasn’t the only thing she had to deal with. She had also discovered she had breast cancer. Luckily they caught it early, so Lilly was most likely to survive. The chemo was making her loose her hair. She had most of it, but she felt miserable waking up in the morning to a long piece of hair on her pillow.

After resting for a while, Lilly got up, took a hot shower and put her works clothes on. While doing her hair, she felt emptiness in her heart. No man would want her when she was in this state. She put her blonde locks into a loose ponytail.

She looked down to see a piece of hair on the floor.
She sighed, picking it up and putting it in the bin.

When Lilly arrived at work, all eyes were on her.
“How are you?” Scotty asked.
“Fine.”
Lilly got straight to work. The case was a 23 year old man who had been stabbed to death.
Lilly was struggling to concentrate. She felt her head pounding.
“You alright?” Scotty asked.
“Yeah, just a headache.”
“Do you need to go home?” Scotty asked concerned.
“Nah, I’m fine.”

Half way through the day Lilly went to the ladies room, throwing up. She felt sick just thinking of her condition.
She cleaned herself up and walked back to her desk.
“Look Lil, I think you should go home.” Scotty whispered.
“Goddamit Scotty, I said I was fine!”

Everyone looked up, they knew the cancer was having an effect on her but they didn’t know it was this bad. Lilly clutched her head, feeling the pain coming back.
“You’re not fine, so go home.”
Lilly glared up at him, feeling defeated.
Scotty looked into her eyes. She nearly melted seeing his chocolate eyes staring right through her.
“Go.” He whispered this time.
She slowly got up and gathered her things.

Lilly drove him feeling worthless. She couldn’t deal with it at home, but to not able to deal with it at work was a whole new thing. She had never been like this at work. Lilly knew it was going to get worse.
Lily wanted someone to hold her in their arms and tell her everything was going to be okay. She needed to be reassured, and not feel like her life was over. She longed for someone to care for her and love her.
A few weeks ago she had rung Saccardo, asking him to visit. She was shocked to hear that he was married. She knew he would break her heart like everyone else, and this just proved to her that she didn’t want to get close to another man again.

As she pulled up in front of her house, she let her head rest against the steeling wheel. She felt so utterly stupid for letting herself down at work. She wanted to bang her head against the steering wheel, but contained herself knowing that it would make her head throb with pain.
She felt her eyes close, slowly she felt sleep come to her. She tried to get up, but her body had gone limp. Finally sleep came to her.
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CANCER So its new, my other ones were practise, to get the hang of it. Please Review. Criticism is very welcome too. =D
Oh and, its short, but I'll make up for it later.

[lillyeddiescotty]

very good start

[longislanditalian2]

I really like it..

[irishgirl101]

i dono how i feel, bit of a touchy topic but i'll be interesting to see how you play it out. it was a nice strong intro tho. well done.

[lillyscotty]

Lilly awoke, this time to no nightmare, to a banging sound coming for her window.
She turned her head to see Scotty, knocking on her car window. She lifted her head up, whipping the drool away from her mouth. Instantly she felt embarrassed that Scotty had caught her sleeping, and drooling.

She reached for the button to the lower the window. As it slid down, she felt a cool breeze hit her face.

Scotty was shivering, jumping from one side to another. “Why ain’t you at work?”

Lilly hesitated, not wanting to humiliate herself anymore than she already had. “I feel asleep.”
“In your work clothes?”
“Yeah.”

Lilly grabbed the handle to the door, stepping out of the car. Making sure she had her things, she walked to her front door putting the key in the hole. Lilly opened the door and stepped to the side.
“Come in.” She whispered.
“I’m gonna ring boss, he was worried about you.”

Lilly didn’t bother to answer. Her cats came running towards her, purring as they rubbed against her legs.
“Hey guys, sorry I was gone last night, you must be starving.”

While Scotty waited for Stillman to answer, he listened to Lilly talking to her Olivia and Tripod. He chuckled to himself; he had never seen her so caring.

Lilly carried the cats into the kitchen, putting out food for them to eat.

All of sudden, Lilly started to sway. She felt light-headed, reaching for the counter. She forgot to take her pills. The nurses had supplied her with pills to keep her more active and lively. She had fallen asleep and had woken up to take them.
“You okay?” she heard Scotty ask.
“M-my...pills.”
“Where?”
“In my...ro-o-om...bedside table.” She mumbled, grasping the sink. She threw up in the sink, letting everything she had eaten the previous night, come up.

She felt a pair of strong arms wrap around her waist. She leant backwards letting Scotty support her.
“Swallow.”

Lilly opened her mouth and let the pills go down her throat, followed by a cold liquid.
She stayed there like that for a few minutes, trying to pull together all her power. It wasn’t working and she let herself fall backwards. She felt Scotty’s arms lift her body up and rest it against his.

After he had rested her down on the couch, Lilly opened her eyes and saw Scotty’s eyes looking into hers.
“I think I might stay here.” Scotty whispered.
“No, go to work.”
“I’m not leaving you alone when you’re like this.”
Lilly sat up and put her hand on Scotty’s shoulder. “I’m fine Scotty.”
“I’m not risking it.”
Lilly gave up, knowing that she was in no state to look after herself.

Scotty grabbed the remote from the table turning the TV on. He flicked through channels, finally coming to a stop on a midday movie.
Scotty leant back, kicking his shoes off and removing his coat and jacket.
“Just make yourself at home.” Lilly mumbled sarcastically.
Scotty turned to her, flashing a cocky smile. “Thanks, I will.”
Lilly grew hungry watching the movie.
“I’m hungry.”
Scotty sighed. “I’ll order something. Where’s your phone?”
Lilly pointed to the phone, too exhausted to answer.

Lilly felt her eyes closing. She wasn’t supposed to feel this tired. She needed to move around, feel like she was normal and not sick.
“I ordered some pizza.”
Lilly opened her eyes, nodding at him.
“Need to sleep?” Scotty asked.
“No.”
“You look tired.”
Lilly moaned. “Yeah I know alright, it’s the chemo.”
“Sorry, just tryin’ to be helpful.”
“If I need help I’ll ask for it.” Lilly said bitterly.

Scotty undid the first couple of buttons on his shirt. He wasn’t going to push Lilly. He knew that she was going through a lot, having to deal with cancer and nightmares. Scotty saw her bloodshot eyes and dark circles that stood out underneath them. He wasn’t going to push her, if she needed something, she’d come to him.

“So...” Scotty said, leaving the sentence hanging.
“So...” Lilly said mimicking his words.
“When’s your next treatment?”
“Two weeks.”
“Is your hair falling out?” Scotty asked after hesitating knowing it was an inappropriate question.
“What?” Lilly have him a glare, hurt by his words.
“Sorry, just wonderin’.”
“Not much, but a few strands.” Lilly ended up saying.
“Sorry.”
“Don’t say sorry, it’s not your fault.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” Scotty asked concerned.
“Not really.”

Scotty reached over, taking her hand in his. “You know if you ever need some help, or someone to look after you”
Scotty was cut off by the shriek of Lilly. “I don’t need looking after.”
Scotty didn’t flinch, wanting to keep calm for her. “Okay, but if you need a hand or someone to get things for you, like food or clothes, I’m here for you.”
“I know.” Lilly leant over and pulled Scotty into a hug.
Scotty pulled her closer, rubbing his hand up and down her back.

Lilly stopped, freezing when his hand ran over the lower part over back. Her shirt had ridden up leaving her lower back exposed.
She felt his hand go up to where her bra was clapsed shut, she felt him undoing it. She jumped back staring into his eyes.
“Sorry.” He mumbled.
Lilly crawled over to the end of the couch, pulling herself into a ball.

She jumped when a knock came from her door. Scott got up, walking to the door. She put her head into her knees waiting for the food to come.
She lifted her head when Scotty had sat back down.

Scotty grabbed two slices of pizza, handing one to Lilly.
Lilly ate slowly, staring at Scotty while he ate.
“I’m gonna go.”
“Huh?” Lilly asked.
“I should go, get back to work.”
“You only had one piece of pizza.” She complained.
“I know, next time.”

With that, Scotty put his shoes on, grabbed his jacket and coat, then run out the door.

Lilly felt her heart sink. As soon as Scotty left she felt her heart go empty. She didn’t know what she was feeling but she knew every time Scotty was around, she didn’t feel so alone and she didn’t feel that there was a slight chance of her dying. She felt special, like the most important woman in the world. Lilly wanted Scotty around all the time.
*****************************************************************************

[lillyeddiescotty]

very good

[longislanditalian2]

So sad but good

[irishgirl101]

nice strong chapter. well done!

[lillyscotty]

************

The next morning, when Lilly walked into the department, she saw a bunch of roses sitting on her desk.
She looked around to see everyone at their desk, working away.
Lilly got to her desk, reaching for the note.

“New man?” Kat asked.
“Not that I know of.” Lilly whispered.
She unsealed the card, starting to read the words.

Lil,
Sorry about last night. I shouldn’t have done anything like that to you, especially with the state you’re in. I want to make it up to today. How about lunch? 12:00 at Randy’s.
Love Scotty xox

Lilly smiled to herself whilst reading the letter. Scotty saw her smile, knowing she had forgiven him.

“What does it say?” Kat asked.
“Nothing, just some stupid love-sick guy.”
“Someone has a secret admire.” Kat teased.

Lilly sat down glancing at Scotty. She flashed him one of her heart stopping smiles which made his heart skip a beat.
The rest of the day went ever so slowly for Lilly. She was watching the clock like it was vital for her to live. When it turned 11:30 Lilly announced she had to meet a friend she hadn’t seen in a long time. She gathered her things and left.

Scotty told the team that he was going to have a talk with a suspect. He would stay with Lilly, then once they had finished he would go see the suspect, telling the team he got lost while looking for the house.
Scotty walked into the restaurant seeing Lilly sitting in a small booth at the very end.

He walked over, taking a seat right next to her, so close that their knees nearly touched.
“Did you order?” Scotty asked
“Not yet, I wanted to wait for you.”
Before Scotty could answer a waiter came over to the table.
“Would you like to order?” he asked politely.
“I’ll have a plate of lasagne please.” Lilly mumbled.
“Chicken or Beef?”
“Uh, beef.”
“And you sir?” the waited asked.

Scotty picked up the menu, scanning for something that looked delicious. “French Fries and a hamburger with the lot please.”
Lilly chuckled when she heard him order.
“What?” Scotty asked, failing to see the funny side.
“We’re at a restaurant.”
“And?”
“You could have ordered something more...elegant.” she whispered.
“I want that.”
Lilly sighed looking up at the waiter.
“Drinks?”
“Water.” Lilly whispered.
“Sir?”
“Water.”
The waiter walked off, leaving the partners alone.
“How are you?” Scotty asked.
“Okay, a little weak, but it should get better.”
“Look Lil, last night, I didn’t mean for you to get the wrong idea.” Scotty said, looking deeply into Lilly’s eyes.
“Don’t worry, it’s already forgotten.”

Scotty felt his heart sink; he was hoping she would want more than just a friendship. He realised he was crazy thinking that Lilly Rush would want a relationship with him. Over the past year Scotty’s feelings towards Lilly had changed. He wanted to be around her all the time, to comfort her and make all her fears go away. Every time he talked to her, he wanted to lean forward and kiss her soft lips. It was that moment that he realised, that Lilly didn’t care for him in that way what soever.

The rest of their talking was about the case. Not once did they talk about anything non-work related.
They were distracted when another waiter came to their table, placing the food down in front of them. Lilly reached for her plate, then realising she was starving.

Whilst eating the small talked about little things like the weather and the case.
Lilly had finished and Scotty was still eating his French Fries. Lilly reached over, snatching a chip. She popped it into her mouth, smirking when Scotty shot her daggers.
“Hey, there mine.”
“Sorry.” She pouted. “They look yummy.”
Scotty smiled, pushing the plate forward, inviting her to eat with him.
Once they had finished Scotty took her hand in his. Lilly felt her blood boil.
“Are you sure you’re okay?”
“Yes. Well...not really, I just...sometimes it gets kind of hard.” Lilly felt herself opening up to him, whether she wanted to or not.
“Yeah? I’m here for you just need to tell me what you need.”
“I don’t need anything, it just gets hard sometimes.”
“So you need someone to comfort you?” Scotty asked, knowing he was pushing the limits.

Lilly’s head shot up, glaring at him. “No, I just need you to understand that I can’t do a lot of things I used to be able to.”
“Alright, how about I come over to your house tonight, cook you dinner?”
“Why?”
“Take something off your hands.”
“Okay.” Lilly mumbled, standing up and gathering her things. “We should go.”
Scotty got up, gathered his things, and walked out the door with her.
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[lillyeddiescotty]

scotty is relly romatic in this story

[longislanditalian2]

Ah cute

[lillyandscotty]

I really want to see them together in the show!

[irishgirl101]

scottys such a sweetie!

[lillyscotty]

****************************************************************************

Lilly was sitting on her bed, files gathered around, working on the case when she heard a knock at the door. Lilly hadn’t dressed in anything special, just some trackie pants and a tank top.

When Lilly opened the door, Scotty stood there with another bunch of flowers in his hand. She stepped aside, letting him in.
“Thought you might like em’.” Scotty handed Lilly the flowers, taking a seat on the couch.
Lilly put the flowers down and sat next to Scotty.
“You okay?” Scotty asked.
“Yeah, course.”
“Lil, I think we need to have a talk.”
“About what?”
“Promise you won’t get mad.” Scotty mumbled.
“I can’t promise you that, just tell me.”
“Lately I’ve uh...been havin’ these feelings for you...and uh, I, uh, they ain’t right.”
“What feelings?” Lilly asked, feeling like her heart was about to jump out of her chest.
“I know there wrong, but I can’t help it. Every time I look at you...I don’t know, it just feels like you complete me. An’ I’m sick of hiding it.”
Lilly saw the tears spring to his eyes, she felt saddened yet excited about the feelings he had for her.
“I just, I really think we should try it out Lil...I know it might ruin everything, but it could work.” Scotty whispered, looking up into her watery eyes. “What do you think?”

Lilly didn’t have time to think, she knew if she ran everything through her mind she would change her feelings. Lilly leant forward and placed a soft kiss to his lips. Scotty clutched the back her head, bringing her to sit in his lap. Lilly run her hands up his chest, pulling away and laying her head on his shoulder.

Scotty ran his hand through her hair. “I’m guessin’ that’s a yes.”
“Well, we’ll try, see what happens.”
“Alirty, so uh, you want to go bed.” Scotty asked.
“No, I want to take things slow. Stay for a while, and then you’ll have to go.”

Scotty felt his heart sink, wanting to make love to her. However he understood how she felt. “Okay.”
It was 11:34pm when Lilly told Scotty that she was getting tired. Scotty gathered his things, walking to the front door.
“See you tomorrow.” Scotty whispered.

Before he could walk out of the door, Lilly pulled him by the shirt, and gave him a passionate kiss. Scotty wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her closer. Lilly felt his tongue slip into her mouth, making her moan.
Before anything got to hot, Lilly let herself lean back from him. “You have to go.”
“Yeah, I know.” Scotty let her go, walking out of the door, and getting into his car.
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The next morning was Saturday. Lilly was in the kitchen, trying to figure out what to make for breakfast when yet again a knock came from the door.

Inside Lilly was hoping Scotty would be standing on your doorstep. ‘He came last night, he wouldn’t come back in the morning’ Lilly thought to herself.
She slowly walked to the door, realising she wasn’t in any shape to have visitors. She was in a long shirt, with no pants on. The shirt barley covered her legs, exposing her thighs. Lilly tried to pull the shirt down as far as it would go.
Lilly swung open the door and was revealed when Scotty stood there with a food bag.
“Hi.” He mumbled
“Uh, hi.”
“Bought you breakfast, thought I would do something to help you.”
Lilly smiled, trying to hide the blush that travelled from her cheeks to her neck. “Thanks.”
“Um, nice outfit.” Scotty whispered, his eyes travelling up and down her long legs.
“Oh, I haven’t had time to get changed.”
Scotty winked at Lilly. “That’s alright; I don’t mind seeing you like this. Gets me ready for the future.”
“Don’t be too full of yourself, who said there is a future?”
“Well you kinda indicated that last night when you couldn’t keep your hands off me.” Scotty murmured, discarding his jacket.
“I wasn’t all over you.”
“That’s coming from the girl who pounced on me, tryin’ to devour me.”
“Look Scotty, if you’re gonna be this cocky maybe we should stop before it goes too far.” Lilly whispered, turning away from him and walking to the window.
Scotty followed her, wrapping his arms around her waist and rest his head in the crook of her neck from behind. “No, I’m just playin’ with you Lil.”

Lilly turned around in his arms and kissed him lightly on the lips. “I think I’d like to go to bed now.”
“What about breakfast?”
“It can wait.”
“I thought you wanted to take it slow?”
“I changed my mind.” Lilly whispered.

Scotty lifted Lilly up in his arms so she was straddling him. He carried her to her bedroom, stumbling as we walked up the steps.
Scotty was going to make Lilly go crazy with desire.
****************************
Whilst eating the breakfast which was now cold, Lilly looked up at Scotty. She couldn’t help but wonder why he wanted her. There were so many other women in the country, gorgeous, young and cancer-free. Lilly felt lucky to have someone with the condition she was in. However she couldn’t help but wonder what would happen if the cancer spread? What would happen if she lost all her hair? Would Scotty still want her? Is this just a onetime thing for him, a fling? Worst of all, what would happen if she didn’t make it?

Scotty looked up to see had stopped eating. She was in her own little world.
“Lil.”
Lilly looked up, feeling mortified. “What?”
“Is everything okay?”
“Is this a onetime thing? Or is long-term?” Lilly asked, feeling sick.

Scotty reached over and took her hand in his, rubbing his fingers up and down her palm. “I was hopin’ long-term but I know you ain’t that good with that kinda stuff. So...we could take it slow and see how it goes.”
“But is it a fling for you?”
“Definitely not!”
“Good.”
“You want to go out somewhere today?” Scotty asked.
“Where?”
“I was thinking skydiving.”
Lilly felt her food fall from her hands. Skydiving? “Huh?”
“I thought I’d get that reaction. I know it sounds scary, but I think it would be fun.”

Before Lilly could answer Scotty butted in. “On second thoughts, don’t answer. I’m gonna get changed, go get everything sorted and then come pick you up around 2. Be ready if you want to go. With that Scotty was gone.

Lilly felt petrified, yet eager to feel the thrill of it. She decided yes; seeing it would be a great first date. She knew it would be scary as hell, but she secretly always wanted to do something utterly crazy, especially before she died. With there still a chance that she could die, she wanted to do something enjoyable.

[longislanditalian2]

What type of cancer does Lilly even have??

[irishgirl101]

lol the whole skydiving thing is a bit random, but it was still a decent chapter! especially now their together! yay!

[lillyandscotty]

breast cancer, I think thats what she said

[lillyscotty]

I didn't think it was random. Scotty wants to do something special for her, seeing that she might die. yes its breast cancer. Sorry for my mistakes, I just realised the instructor was supposed to go down with them woops my mistake

*******************************************************************************

Lilly had everything ready, she was sitting on the couch, eagerly waiting for Scotty to turn up on her doorstep. She started to wonder if he was going to show up, but her thoughts floated away when a knock came at her door.

She literally ran to the door, flinging it open.
“So you’re comin’.” Scotty smiled, looking her up and down, noticing the tight jeans and tank top.
“I thought it would be fun, wanna do something outrageous just in case...just in case something goes wrong.”

Scotty stepped forward, closing the gap between them. He wrapped his hands around her waist and pulling her close. “Trust me, you ain’t goin’ anywhere. You’re staying right here.”
Lilly smiled, his soothing words of comfort giving her faith. “There’s always a risk Scotty.”
“Not with you. I don’t want you worrying today, we’re gonna have fun.”
“Okay, let me get my stuff first.” Lilly grabbed her handbag, keys and her cell phone. “Do I need anything else?”
“Nope.”
Lilly took a hold of Scotty’s hand, closing and locking the door behind her.

During the car ride, Lilly couldn’t believe she was actually going to go sky-diving. She couldn’t believe Scotty and her were an item. She felt Scotty reach over and run his hand across her cheek. As he went to push a piece of her hair out of her eyes, the strand fell, making Scotty pull back like he had been burnt.
“Sorry.” Lilly mumbled, feeling embarrassed that her hair was falling out in front of him.
“It’s not your fault, remember...today is supposed to be about fun!”
“Yeah I know.”
Once arriving, Lilly stared at the plane awe. Terror overtook the excitement as Scotty walked her over to the plane. Lilly tried to turn back, but was stopped when Scotty clutched at her body.
“Baby, hey...relax, it’s okay.” Scotty whispered into her ear.
“I can’t, it’s too scary.”
“Look at me. I’m not gonna let anything happen to you, I promise.”
“Will you hold my hand?” Lilly asked, Scotty’s words pushing away the fear.
Scotty chuckled. “Of course.”

Once they were in the air, Lilly was sitting on Scotty’s lap, waiting to be secured by the instructor. Scotty was ready, trying to get Lilly to stay calm.
Once Lilly was secured, Scotty held her by the waist, waiting at the door where they would depart. The instructor had secured them together, making sure they would stay together.
“Are you guys ready?” The instructor asked.
Lilly looked up at Scotty. “Yeah.”
The door opened, Lilly felt the wind pushing against her.
“You can go when you’re ready.” The instructor said.

Lilly clutched Scotty’s hands, stepping forward. As she stepped forward, Scotty did too, pushing them both over the edge.
Lilly screamed as she fell, shock and delight flying through her. Lilly thought they were going to crash until a cover came over them, at first Lilly didn’t know what it was, but then she realised it was the parachute.
“You alright?” Scotty yelled.
“Yes!” Lilly screamed at the top of her lung, feeling at the top of her life at that very moment.

Soon enough Lilly and Scotty landed on the ground, sliding like they were on a slippery dip. Lilly laughed as she heard the plan coming down.
“God, that was amazing!” Lilly screamed.
“You liked?”
“Hell, yea.” Lilly squealed, resting back into to Scotty. “Scotty, thank you so-o-o-o-o-o much.”
“You’re welcome babe.” Scotty planted a kiss to ear making her giggle.
He stopped when he saw the instructor at his side, reaching down to undo their buckles.

Once finished Lilly jumped into Scotty’s arms kissing him every part of his revealed skin.
“That good ay?” Scotty asked.
“Amazing, I loved it.” Lilly stopped looking into his eyes. “Can you do more things like this with me?”
“No problem.” Scotty let her feet fall to the ground, standing her up. She started to sway. “You okay?”
“Yeah, just a little too much for me to take in.”
“Then we won’t be doing things like this if you can’t handle it.” Scotty whispered, resting his hands on her shoulders.
“I’ll be fine in a second...What? No, I want to do more of this stuff.”
“As long as it won’t affect you any more than this?”
“Okay, should we go home now?” Lilly asked.
“Yeah.” Scotty lifted Lilly up like she was his new bride. Lilly giggled feeling extra special.
“What are we going to do when we get home?” Lilly asked.
“You’ll see.” He whispered.

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[longislanditalian2]

What a sweet chapter

[scottylillyfan]

Soo cute scotty is he so hot to