Fools In Love

[elodieusa]

I will let you a review on FF as well but I thought I'll also give you one here :-)
I think Collider points out everytime perfectly what your story and your strengths in describing the interactions between the team, the case and their outside world are.

I absolutely loved the Kat/Vera scene in this chapter - the ring was so unexpected and Kat's reaction was very nice as it allowed to see more of her tenderness towards Nick.
I agree that asking Veronica beforehand was right on the point and very thoughtful...
The Scotty/Lilly scene just make me smile as I think that you portray Scotty very much like I think he would behave: cocky, charming and more cockiness ;-) just perfect!

The way you brought on the case was very natural and I cannot wait to see how the road trip goes. Jeffries' payback was a great idea :-)

Again sorry if some of it are repeats from the above review ;-)
As always, I am looking forward to the next chapter, I feel so happy I get the email letting me know that your story is updated, nice distraction from Real Life :-)

[cellogal]

Thanks, as always, for the reviews! They brighten my day.

On to chapter 30!

www.fanfiction.net/s/4404565/30/

[elodieusa]

Oct 29, 2008 16:33:23 GMT -5 cellogal said:

Thanks, as always, for the reviews! They brighten my day.

On to chapter 30!

www.fanfiction.net/s/4404565/30/

Just reviewed it on FF but another one here: it was great as usual

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It's like 5am, so forgive me if this review makes less sense than usual, but suffice it to say 'eeeeeeeroadtrip'!! I still think it's a shame you had to cut the shenanegans somewhat, but the reasons why you really did need to do so shine through here... I will grudgingly admit...

I find it deeply amusing how petulant both Lilly and Scotty get simply because they have to be apart. It does make a lot of sense, on account of the fact that this is - I think - the first time they've had to be since they got together, but for some reason it amuses me nonetheless. If nothing else, whiny!Scotty throughout the trip is hysterical. But yea, their so-called goodbye is a brilliant combination of genuine sentiment and silliness, and works so so so well. LOL, in particular, at "is that even a word?" (where have I heard that one before! - the whole 'missable' bit had strong resonances of that, and I don't believe for one second it was unintentional on your part *g*), and also Scotty's threat of Spanish and Lil's reaction thereto. Priceless.

SO MUCH LOVE for the whole of the Kat/Scotty stuff... as you well know! *g*. Their fight to drive is brilliant, each having their own reasons that makes them just as determined... and I love how Scotty managed to pull it off - 'cause you KNOW she'd never have surrendered any other way. You know I'm a sucker for Random Hug Moments between these two, and Plot-Developing Sneaky Hugs are one of the very best kind. He's an evil genius, that Man Candy.

Oh, and because I simply cannot say it often enough... ROFL, BESMIRCH. Kat's reaction to the whole... err, besmirching... was absolutely hilarious, as was the fact that Scotty totally loved making her uncomfortable. 'Cause he so does, and would SO go out of his way to do that, even if he has just cheated his way into the driver's seat. Have I mentioned how much I love these two yet?

Having said that, though, it's all kinds of amazing how you manage to get these really competitive, slightly cruel moments of snarky give-and-take between these two... and then, in the very next scene, give them these sweet moments of reflection - Scotty's ponderings about the ring immediately after the besmirching fiasco, their adorable little hallway chat after... well, we'll get to that... anyway, it seems to be a sort of ongoing theme with you, giving these two snark and then sweetness to make up for it, and it's just such an absolutely beautiful thing, the way you do it. Love.

Love love love love love love love love LOVE the map disaster. It is SO completely Kat Miller to get them hopelessly and completely lost just because she's too freakin' proud to come out and say "I can't read a map" from the get-go, and you can really feel the depth of her frustration in that scene, it's wonderfully described. I love Scotty's amusement, how he can't be worried or angry because he's too busy laughing at the fact that she can't do something so simple... love the baitchicken, of course... and, more than anything else, possibly in this entire chapter, I love that she freakin' apologised. I still don't know why, but I love that soooo much.

And back to the lovebirds... your insight into Lilly's psyche when it comes to relationships is really terrifying. Her realisation that he really is everywhere in her life, that even if he left, he's not left because there's so so much of him still there with her, both in the physicality of his things he's left behind, and in her heart too, such a fabulous bit of reflection. Also loved the Moment with the cats; I'm a sucker for Cat!Moments, and you characterise the feline persona (and the two cats individually, which is quite a feat!) soooo well. Again, you know I'm not the world's biggest fan of Lilly, but your writing style, and the depth of your insight makes her reflection hear such a joy to read, really.

Love the hallway conversation, as I touched on earlier - the simplicity and the sweetness of it - and I love how Lilly called him just as he was about to call her... very "they're on the exact same wavelength"-y. Also love the conversation - it's short, it's touching, it's got absolutely everything you need in a conversation like that, without ever being overblown or dramatic. Sometimes, again, the simplest moments are best kept simple; it's an art that some of us (*coughs, points to self*) have not yet perfected, but you make it seem downright easy. Fabulous ending to a great chapter... though I still hold I could've had a hundred chapters of roadtriply shenanegans and still been happy as a clam. XD

As ever, much anticipating the next. ;D

[cellogal]

Chapter 31 is up...

www.fanfiction.net/s/4404565/31/

[elodieusa]

Will definitely be reading this as soon as possible! :-) I'm struggling with the chapter for my fanfic...Sometimes you help me with the inspiration by just reading yours!

[SamIam]

oh i can't wait to read this fanfiction. I read your other one and i can't wait to read the sequel

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Before I go into Review Mode on this, I'm going to echo Elodieusa's sentiment about inspiration - you know I've been consistently letting myself get distracted from my own fic this week... but I swear there is nothing quite so likely to make me stop whatever I'm doing and focus on getting some freakin' writing done than having sat down to a new offering from you. So thanks for that, too.

Anyway - great chapter, with another wonderfully appropriate smiley. Have I mentioned my love for your appropriate smileys recently?

The interview still has me in hysterics - I love love love love love that you picked up on Scotty being jealous that Spanish is no longer just His Thing... it's such a typical competitive male reaction, and an even more typical Scotty one, and it works ten times as well because you've built up that beautiful competitive atmosphere between him and Kat already. I love that you gave her this hidden talent, because - as with his competitive "it's my thing!" bit - it is so utterly characteristic of Kat Miller that she'd have all these ridiculously useful skills squirrelled away where nobody can see them because they're Nobody Else's Business. Great character insight into both of them, and fabulous comedy value to boot (plus many many kudos for "is this guy new?" / "total rookie" - do I even need to say "eeeeeee", here?

Loved the scene with the fax machine, too. You've managed to combine an actual point ("hi, we've gotta detour via Land Of The Fake Cheese Steaks!") with comedy ("the fax machine misses you!") absolutely flawlessly... and it somehow amuses me that the topic of Kat being a Spanish Ninja never came up, 'cause we know what Vera would've done with THAT information... but yea. Highlight of that scene for me, weirdly, is Vera's predicting of the phone call. I don't know why this amused me so much, but it just totally seems like the sort of thing he'd do, and it definitely seems like the sort of thing Lilly would do to glare at him for actually being right for once. XD

The phone theft? How much did I love that? I love that you've captured Kat's quiet joy at receiving her own over-abundance of phone-calls with her initial maternal fear that they would be something to worry about. Such a small moment, but it totally made me smile. Likewise, I looooooooooove that Lilly's finally at her wits' end over Scotty's persistence, and I love that she has to go through Kat to actually get the smitten Scotty to freakin' LISTEN for once. I loooooove that he refuses to believe it, and I love that Lilly foresees that... and I love that he FINALLY clocks Kat's seeing someone and uses that to his benefit. So typically sneaky of him, and so typical of her to put her own privacy issues ahead of doing what she's been told to. Hell, I love the whole freakin' section, SO much, right down to the hilarious punchline at the end. I find it quite hard to review chapters like this one, because there's so much stuff worth noting, I kinda just end up saying "I love this line and the line that followed it and the one after that...", which isn't so constructive. So, apologies for that, but it's your fault for writing so much brilliance in one chapter.

Can't comment on the last section too much, as you mentioned it was snurched from Cargo, so I give kudos to them... though yours is a great interpretation of that scene, and writing something even if it's right there in front of you, isn't easy, so it's well done. Moreover, I kinda know what it's leading towards, and I know that's going to be cataclysmically awesome, so this is more a springboard to some more fabulous stuff, so the lifting a scene is more than compensated for... plus, y'know, you're writing AU, so it makes sense that certain moments would need to happen here just as they do in Showverse, so... whatever, it makes for a great ending and what promises to be a really powerful couple of chapters. Yay.

As ever, looking forward to what comes next, though I should probably be buying a shelter and bracing myself, I would imagine...

[cellogal]

Chapter 32 is up!

www.fanfiction.net/s/4404565/32/

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Another great chapter filled with hard-hitting moments. I know the angst isn't really your thing as much as it is mine and that these darn characters insisting on being angsty all the time does take its toll on you... but you do it so well, it's really impossible to tell that it's not the most natural thing in the world for you to be writing. Again, probably gonna end up reviewing the sections out of sequence, as there are a couple of very distinct settings, and it's good to focus on them separately.

I don't know much about the medical jargon either, but I think you've covered the basics well enough that it all seems to make sense within the context... which is really all we ever ask for in fanfic, right? I love the Lilly!Introspection at the beginning - which is very odd, since Lilly's family drama is one of the things about her that I can't stomach on the show proper. But I think you've - again - covered the necessaries perfectly without ever dwelling too heavily on it or making a big melodramatic drama-fest. She's obviously going to fall back on all the cheap things Ellen Rush has ever done (no, I didn't watch Superstar yesterday, why do you ask?), and she's obviously going to think about those moments and how they've shaped their relationship... but right then, the important thing is to deal with what's actually happening - and you bring us back to the present and the real significance beautifully with Jeffries's phone call.

On which, I think you've really nailed Lilly's need to stand alone coupled with her need to not be alone - we know she has both those issues, and we know they often are the reason she ends up sabotaging her relationships, and you've placed a really interesting spin on them here. I also love how Jeffries just gets that about her, says what he has to say, and leaves it at that. He always knows how to deal with all of his co-workers, it seems, and he really doesn't get much chance to play that all-known father-figure nearly often enough.

I also think it's very realistic for Lilly to want to wait for facts and figures before dealing with Scotty and his superman complex. It's difficult enough dealing with someone like him at the best of times if you've got Lilly's depth of issues, but it has to be all the more so when you don't really have the explanation for yourself much less for him. So I love that she waited. Plus, I know you were slightly concerned about the transition from not-wanting-to-tell-him to needing his voice on the other line, but I think the news being broken really hits it home - that paragraph where she realises her mother might die because of the booze is exceptionally hard-hitting, and you can almost feel the change in her as she's faced with the facts. Wondering and worrying is one thing, but actually having it in front of you and KNOWING, that's something else entirely, and you've pulled that transition off perfectly in just one very simple two-line thought process. I love how that leads her to surrender to that inherent need to call Scotty, and how she doesn't yet surrender all of herself... almost as if she's gone into that state of shock that people do when they're grieving - "it's okay, I'll tell him 'cause he should know, and then I can handle this, and it'll all be okay."

Before we hit the big guns... the Scotty/Kat awesomeness? Just as awesome as ever, and also very important in this chapter. The hunt for cheese-steaks was hilarious (and SO them, XD) and offered some desperately-needed lightness in a chapter that makes it very clear things are dark and getting darker. You know I'll take anything you can give me of those two together, and I adored this obviously... but, again, it was a much-needed reprieve, and it also lent itself to really hit home just how different a wavelength Scotty is from Lilly when the news comes. Which, again, makes that moment so much more powerful than it would've been otherwise - having it pick up with him in the throes of laughter was a stroke of genius - and the sheer depth of the situation really strikes home in that instant, more even than in Lilly's own introspective moments.

And then we move on to the power-section. Loved the phone conversation, loved how clear it is that Lilly's struggling to articulate her thoughts, much less make them clear to him, love that she didn't ask him to come back (at the heart of it all, there's still that work-obssessed cop who knows The Case Comes First), and I absolutely LOVED her just needing to hear his voice. I don't think even she realised quite how much of it was that until she heard him answer, and I think you've again encapsulated that moment so so so well. Love Scotty's helplessness, and I love the moment where Kat offers her hand and he takes it - telling of her maternal instincts in wanting to be that pillar of support, and also of his helplessness in taking it and being soothed by it - such a beautifully simplistic moment. And yea... you can feel almost everyone's emotions right through that scene - and through that phone call in particular - which, again, really helps slam home the situation. Scotty's frustration, Lilly's resolve... and those intangible emotions of Kat's that don't really come to a head until her moment afterwards. Everything's just perfectly in place here, it's remarkable.

On which, you know I couldn't let this go without praising the heck out of Kat's revelation; you know I'm a sucker for this woman and her well-concealed angst, and I think this is a tidbit of information that could very easily sit alongside what we know of the character in canon. I love how matter-of-fact she is about it, how the only hint of her being in any kind of pain is that she lets Scotty see her gratitude. I also love how Scotty takes that, absorbs it, and most importantly realises just how precious a gift she's giving him in revealing that about herself... and, of course, uses it in keeping himself grounded and focussed, in remembering what Lilly has asked of him and in doing what he can from where he is. Such a beautiful moment between them, and one of a sort we desperately need more of. Plus, it leaves the chapter with a sort of break in the clouds for just a moment, not strictly optimism or anything even close, but a sort of resolve, and that bleeds through into the reader. Stirring stuff.

And, whew. Okay. I think I'm done now. Looking forward to see this play out to its conclusion, as you're doing the whole thing remarkable justice so far.

[cellogal]

Chapter 33 is up!

www.fanfiction.net/s/4404565/33/

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Apologies for not getting a review knocked out last night - I'd started typing one, but I fell asleep halfway through and didn't wake up till morning. So here it is now.

LOVE this chapter, for lots of reasons. I think all the work you did on the opening sector really paid off; it flows neatly now and is in keeping with the point, &c &c... this is all stuff I've mentioned before, I think, so I'll gloss over it a little here. Some really good character insight, though, and a nice little peek into the inner workings of our favourite dysfunctional superhero. And, yea, the way you've got it, it segues neatly into the Actual Point - namely that Scotty hates waiting, and that doing so right now when he wants to even less than usual is just driving him completely crazy. I love how you have his thoughts of Lil coloured by his observations of Kat... how, if she's still struggling after twenty years, how in the world must Lilly be feeling, and I love how you've executed his decision to call her - his fake-resolution (and "she's little, you can take her" still has me giggling), her total indifference, and his reaction.

Lilly's section, likewise, gives us some great character insight. It's one of those emotionally charged scenes you're so good at writing, where you can practically feel her despair. I love the conversation as a whole, but especially the point that he's there but he's not there, and how she wants him there but she just can't voice it. He's not there, he can't be there, so she hides her own needs in favour of what needs to be done. That last line is particularly haunting; in the wake of her knowledge that she needs him and can't do this on her own, the way she steels herself at the end, reminding herself that she's always survived on her own is really quite tragic. The whole section is kind of heartbreaking, but oddly admirable, too... which is something else you do with Lilly that the show doesn't, 'cause I've yet to find myself admiring Show!Lilly for anything. Hehe.

I love the cut back to the car in Baltimore, too, and the way you've shown the evolution of the tension there... neatly interrupted by Vera, of course. The part where they picked the right Ted Smith amused the hell out of me (once again, still giggling at "you wanted to stay close to the hotel so you wouldn't get us lost... again"), and the way that gentle humour springboards the two of them back into action.

Ditto the love for the humour you've put into the fax machine scene. It really is the perfect level of humour for an otherwise emotionally-draining chapter, and its placement is pretty much perfect. There's not a lot to say about it, really, except that, so I shall move on... but suffice it to say, the scene in its entirety made me laugh, which is always always a good thing, and all the more when wrapped up in so much angst.

ADORE the rest of the chapter... pretty much as an entity in itself. Scotty vs Receptionist was priceless, and I love how he was so sidetracked by the fact that she was 'winning', he never even stopped to think there might be a reason Miller was dragging him away. On which note, sososososo much love for the Kat/Vera phonecall. Again, you can practically feel the panic in her when she's constantly interrupting him before he even gets a word out, and then goes dead silent after he's explained himself - it's such a natural human reaction to these sorts of conversation, and you've captured it so so so perfectly.

As to the last scene? SO. MUCH. LOVE. Seriously. The way Scotty realises he's got to be the grown up, the way you depict Kat's hesitation at the door - again, utterly heartbreaking, and not least of all because we've only ever seen her hesitate like that once in her entire time on the show. Scotty's very much right - she's usually the one in control, he's usually the one losing it, and it's really powerful to see the tables turned like this. I especially love that breaking point, her reaction to his having kids... I absolutely LOVE how you've got that as a moment of vulnerability - any other day, she'd be thinking of her daughter and immediately go into Vengeful Mother mode; here, she's trapped in her own past, and suddenly she's a kid herself, and knows all too well how a guy like that treats his kids. And it's so so so so telling of how well they understand each other by this point that Scotty sees this and just steps in without even a word in her direction. Such a wonderful moment.

I also love the way you've ended it; Scotty's buddying up with Ted was a stroke of genius, and the way Kat instantly shuts down his smirk. 'Cause she so would. Plus, y'know, it's a great way of getting them on the road back to Philly without having to wait for the confession, and I'm very very very much looking forward to what comes next. But then, you knew that already. Anyhow, as ever, another fabulous chapter with some really phenomenal character insights and some real heart-wrenching moments. And you know my love for angst, so you KNOW how much I loved it. XD

[cellogal]

Chapter 34 is posted!

www.fanfiction.net/s/4404565/34/

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Another great chapter, and one that sets up fabulously for some wonderful cataclysms in things to come.

I could go on for hours about how much I love the Scotty/Kat opening scene... and probably will. I've said it before, and I will say it again - probably several thousand times - I LOVE the Kat!Angst, and I utterly adore the way you use it... that glorious depth of vulnerability you manage to give her without ever overriding her inherent inner strength. I really and honestly wish the Kat!Angst I write was even a quarter as beautifully subtle as yours is, because you have a real gift at bringing out the best parts of her through the worst of her experiences. If that makes any kind of sense.

I love how Scotty doesn't push, but she comes forward anyway - not for herself, but in the hope that he takes her words and turns them on Lilly... which he does, but it's so amazingly awesome that he takes the time to turn back to her as well. You've clocked her reaction here beautifully - her disbelief that he'd dare to hear what she has to say, and that absolutely beautiful laser metaphor. Again, you've really pulled out the subtlety, and it works so so well. Much love also for how, when she tells him not to listen when Lilly says she's fine, you've expressed her desperation that he ONLY apply it to Lilly. Such a great moment, and not least of all because he GETS that.

I could go on and on about that section for another ten paragraphs but I won't, 'cause Vera won't let me. And why should he, 'cause he's just as awesome here, too, and deserves his props. Love the phonecall, love that he picks up on those subtle little things like Scotty's driving without anyone having to say anything. This is why Vera rocks, and it's also why he's such a good detective (and possibly why he always gets stuck with the number-crunching on the show) - because this is his thing. Looking at a surface-level irrelevance, finding real meaning there, and making what invariably turns out to be a near-genius decision from it. You have really caught that side of him, and just run with it.

The transitional period, likewise, is awesome. Scotty's impatience and annoyance at the fact that Ted hasn't sobered up quickly enough, Kat's unsurprised acceptance, and their respective ways of dealing with that... Stillman's seeing the point Vera was making - his insight into both his detectives just from the looks on their faces (and, in particular, something as simple as the way Kat makes coffee for Ted) is really remarkable, and it's exactly the sort of thing he's famous for on the show. I love his insistent that Nick and Will can handle the interview, I love how Scotty is simply too relieved to even try and hide the feeling, and I love how Kat tries to put up a fight but is ultimately just as glad to be free of it as he is. Again, you've clocked them both so well, and that last lingering Look they share before Scotty runs off is just absolutely 100% perfect... one of those "looks in a glance", as you so eloquently describe them, that the show is so good at.

As to the end scene(s)? You've again pulled off flawlessly the incredibly difficult task of finding the right moment to inject the right kind of humour into an emotionally-charged chapter - Scotty and the nurse was brilliant, quiet humour, and again exactly the moment we as readers needed to catch our breath in recovery from what we've been given thus far and also in preparation for what's to come. Which, in itself, is awesome. There would of course be a pretty huge expectation over the reunion of these two characters who've been separated for so long, and you've pulled it off beautifully. Lilly's introspection is fabulous, insightful and blazingly honest (especially the parts where she'd just expected Ellen to give up and die) ...and the interruption of that by Scotty's arrival is just perfectly timed.

I love that you have her calling him, only to discover just as she's struggling not to give up that he's right there. Beautiful... and again, the rest of the scene. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I think you picked the PERFECT spot to end, and I think there's a real bittersweetness about it - bitterness in the obvious fact that she's pouring out all her suffering, but sweetness in the fact that she's pouring it out to HIM, and he's there, and I adore that final line, it's just... guh. Have I used "guh" yet this chapter? If not, why not. Anyway, it's the best word I can think of to describe that moment, really. A fabulous end to a fabulous chapter.

Looking forward to the next, as you know.

[cellogal]

Chapter 35 is up!

www.fanfiction.net/s/4404565/35/

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Wow. I think that pretty much sums up this chapter in its entirety, so please forgive me if this one is shorter than usual; a lot of it just left me without words, so it's going to be quite difficult to give any kind of constructive opinion without resorting to "wow" over and over again.

The opening section is absolutely adorable. You've expressed so well the simple, subtle difference made by the two of them being in the same room as each other. The gradual shift from him holding her while she cries to their almost casual feint at conversation - coupling the fun cheese steak / chair exchange with the more serious issues - is just expertly done, and the transition is almost tangible. As you are so expert in doing, you've really put across both his thoughts and her emotions so so so well, you can almost feel her grief settle down as she calms and they begin to speak. Once again, it's not an easy thing to do, and yet it is something you do expertly.

Leading on from that, I love the debate that culminates in Lilly finally going home; a really powerful way of reiterating the point of just how well they know each other - a point that again leads on from their previous conversation so well. In particular, I love how she doesn't voice the fact that SHE doesn't want to be alone and he likewise doesn't voice - though he knows - the fact that she won't. Such a beautiful and simple means of expressing just how utterly in her head he is at that moment... and I love how she ultimately realises it, understanding that he knows her better than she knows herself. That whole scene ends so beautifully - him blaming himself for not being there, and her being the one to assuage his fears just once - it really sets the scene for the emotional rollercoaster that is the rest of this chapter.

Oh, which... WOW. See, here's the part I'm gonna have trouble commentating on in any kind of cohesive manner, because it all flows so well together, and I must've re-read it a thousand times, and before I even get the chance to single out specific things that are worthy of mention, I realise I've reached the end of it and can't pick apart any real specifics. It's just such a powerful speech, delivered to such devestating effect in such perfect succession it's really impossible to single stuff out from it.

That said, I love the build-up to it. I love the use of the photo, a single captured moment of happiness, from exactly the perfect time to make those seething emotions boil over. I love how he manages to bring his focus back to the Annie Potter case, to put into place those pieces that he failed to do so at the time (and I freakin' LOVE that interpretation you gave me, whereby he simply couldn't absorb it at the time, and is forced to do so now). His reaction is absolutely cataclysmic, and it's exactly what we've come to expect from him, and it strikes with all the force of a hurricane.

I honestly cannot give specifics from the speech itself, inclusive of the moments where he hits the wall - beautiful, beautiful descriptions, by the way, especially the second punch - because it's such a phenomenal piece of writing, and was from the very first time you wrote it... and I know how long ago that was, and it's an homage to just how powerful a piece it is that you seem to not have needed much editing or tweaking of it at all. It sort of feels like one of those really long Shakespearean monologues, whereby you want to dissect it and pick apart certain words and moments and revelations, but doing so would detach from the power of the piece as a whole. So I'm going to refrain from doing so, 'cause I think the real weight lies in reading it as an entire entity, really absorbing all that fury and hate and rage that you've put to paper SO terrifyingly well. If there's one section in this entire fic that everyone should read, whether they like the shippy stuff or not, this is it, right here.

And the ending? Wow. That he finally, for possibly the first time, can sit back and feel like he's DONE something... even though all he's really done is yell? You've expressed that exhausted satisfaction so perfectly. Scotty always seems to feel better after he's punched something (*g*), but this is just epic. It's going to take a lot to top this, in terms of sheer quality of writing and sheer power of expression. Utterly stunning. And that's all I have to say, really. I'm sorry there's not more, 'cause it is deserving of it... but sometimes something is just SO powerful, it defies words.

[cellogal]

Chapter 36 is up!

www.fanfiction.net/s/4404565/36/

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A couple of hours later than hoped for, but here nonetheless...

Yet another great chapter, and I love the way it turned out; definitely the right choice to go the way you did, because reading it in the wake of the previous, we definitely needed a break from all the intensity of the previous chapter. Plus, you got to flesh out a lot of things, which gave the whole thing a more complete feel than if it had been part of a bigger moment. Definitely all for the best, IMHO.

I love love love love love love (LOVE) the metaphorical bit with Scotty and his hand. A beautiful piece of writing, and you know how much of a sucker I am for metaphors of all description, so I just absolutely adored this. There's not much to add here, and again it's one of those unfortunate situations where I can only say the word "love" so many times before it loses all meanings, but suffice it to say it was a fabulous creative piece and I... yea, loved it.

Scotty's conversation with Kat? Oh... those two foolish, foolish mortals and their angst and their issues and their outright awesomeness. I don't want to say too much about this, though I'll no doubt get carried away anyway, 'cause it's the sort of thing that can't be talked about without mentioning the inevitable and that would class as spoilerish (your fic has spoilers now!). But yea... knowing what you're setting up for really gives this conversation an added depth and dimension, and it's just fabulous. Sigh. I love these two so much, it's borderline dangerous.

It amuses me greatly, also, that you describe his internal monologue as a "maelstrom of self-loathing". 'Cause it so is, and for some reason it amuses the hell out of me that you've picked such a terrifyingly accurate way of describing it.

Adored the moment with Ellen... in fact, almost everything about it. For all my dislike of Lilly as a character, and for all the ways in which that dislike escalated a thousandfold with all her family drama... I kinda sorta really like Ellen. I dunno why, I just do. Love how she hears "daughter" and automatically assumes Chris - not necessarily for reasons of favouritism, but because Logic dictates, if one of her girls is gonna have a pretty pretty man, it's gotta be Chris. Fabulous insight, there, and Scotty's reaction is priceless.

Speaking of... his inner monologue throughout this section is just priceless. Brilliant for the comedy value (I don't even know why "shut up, you're being nice" is such a funny thing, but it totally is), and for the insight into his thoughts at the moment... hating the woman, but knowing that ultimately Kat is right and he does need to be nice. And when he realises that certain traits of Lilly's come from this woman, this alcoholic lunatic... when he sees that smile... oh, but that's perfect. Absolutely... I can't even put it into words. So much in just one tiny little realisation, it's amazing. She's not just Lilly's alcoholic mom... she's her MOTHER.

Speaking of the Drama Queen... love her waking-up section, and the way her thoughts evolve as she fully wakes up. Her realisation about how it feels to let someone help her? So many levels of 'awwww'. Honestly, if Show!Lilly had even half the realisations you're giving Foolsverse!Lilly, I can't imagine that I'd hate her as much as I do.

The scene in the hospital thereafter, though, is a thing of genius. There is nothing more terrifying to any person, even a sane one, than realising one's parent(s) and one's boyfriend have been bonding while you've been out of the room... and, in a situation like this, it has to be a thousand million times worse. You've really captured Lilly's innate fear of Ellen's capacity to "get to" people, and her terror that this is what's happened with Scotty, and the way they interact as she walks in really reinforces all that stuff in such a fabulously believable way.

Following on from that, their conversation in the hallway is awesome. Covers so many little points, so beautifully, in such a short space of time... again, if Show!Lilly ever bothered to stop being such an ass, this is the sort of thing I'd like to see. It's quite telling that this is mostly told from Scotty's perspective, 'cause I think Lilly's would've given an entirely different flavour, but I think it works as is, and I think it doubly works that we only get to see Lilly's side of things when she's fixed on Scotty's altercation, and his issues instead of her own. Typical elusive Lilly, and get even so she's not even half as annoying as Show!Lilly.

Nice ending, also, with them both going to take care of the things they need to. I love that Scotty realises Lilly has to talk to her mother alone; some things, a person really really DOES need to do alone, and I think it's a sign of growth that he doesn't lapse into Whiny Over-Protective Scotty who insists on glueing himself to her side or panics that she's leaving him. Finally, he understands the difference, and he knows he has his own stuff to go deal with (and you know how much I'm looking forward to that!), and so he goes quietly and without argument. Our little Man Candy is growing up!!

So, yea. Loved it. Loved the development you've shown, and how the characters use what they've learned and how they've evolved over the course of the fic, to shape their responses here. Yet another great character study type chapter, and you always pwn at those. Looking forward to the next, as always!

[cellogal]

Chapter 37 is up!

www.fanfiction.net/s/4404565/37/

[Collider]

Another great offering, and well worth the wait!

So much love for the Scotty/Kat scene, as you well know. You really have such a fabulous grasp of what makes them tick... and I know you had trouble figuring out where this particular scene fit in the grand scheme of all the points you were trying to make, but I think you've given it more than enough weight to hold its own against the power of the Ellen stuff. Plus, as is often the case, a change of scenery in the midst of some intense subject matter, can be a fabulous tool in its own right.

First and foremost, I love that Scotty realises just how badly he screwed up. Not so long ago, he really would've been so occupied by Lilly and her issues and trying to be Superman that he would've just let his misdemeanours slide, and I think it shows a huge amount of growth on his part that he's realised his mistake, realised how terrible it was, and effectively dropped everything to make it right. It's also a really wonderful homage to how well you've developed his partnership with Kat, and how much her friendship has come to mean to him.

I also love love love love love the setting. I'm a huge fan of Kat's role as mother, and I think her daughter really does bring out a side of her that is never ever ever seen otherwise. It was an inspired choice of locale to have Scotty find her at the park, and even more so to have him use Veronica's childhood as a reflection of his own. 'Cause that speech of his? I honestly have no idea how Kat kept from sniffling, 'cause I sure didn't.

Oh, and their reminiscing? GUH. These two really are a strange kind of mirror for each other, and you've really taken that motif and run with it. As a general note, I love how you've been using Kat as a foil to Scotty's angst throughout - I adore the Kat!Angst anyway, as you know, just as I adore the Scotty!Angst, and seeing the two together in such a way that actually makes a real cohesive point - as Scotty said, Kat only ever unlocked herself to him in a bid to make him understand Lilly better, and that really is a mark of some remarkable friendship - it's just the most awesome thing in the whole world.

I'd go on more about that, but you know I could talk about those two all day, and Lilly wants some attention, so...

On that, I know you were slightly concerned with the pacing and structure of Lilly's section, but I think the amount of effort and tweaking you put into it really paid off. It worked really really well in a conceptual sense anyway, and I think the polishing you gave it and the extra thought you put into the whys and wherefores of when everything happens and how long between each moment really shines through here to give an acutely believable scene.

Lilly's emotions are almost tangible throughout this section, and it makes it simultaneously quite difficult to read (given how raw they are), but also a truly rewarding experience. You've expertly captured her conflict - the understandable anger mixed with the underlying love that - hard as she tries - she cannot ignore and cannot deny. Her ultimatum is just heartbreaking, the refusal to stand back and watch her mother die, not because she refuses to humour that side of her mother any more, but because she physically cannot face the idea of watching her die. Because, when all is said and done, Ellen IS her mother, and she loves her.

The memories of the photo are touching, also, and kind of heartbreaking at the same time; I think Lilly has a point that the worst part is remembering what happiness is and having it snatched away. Quite literally, and - though I've always been strongly against Lilly's attack in show terms - I think, between this and the earlier storyline where you really fleshed it out, you've really brought out the significance of it and how it's shaped who Lilly was - not because she was attacked, but because it was an event that her mother architected. And I just LOVE that Ellen comes out and FINALLY admits to what it was. Such a beautiful, tragic moment.

And, of course, Lilly gets the wrong end of the stick. I kind of want to smack her a little bit here, but - unlike certain other incarnations of the character - I find that I can't because her reaction is so NATURAL. It's natural to expect the worse in moments like this, to expect the invalid to give up hope entirely when faced with such a difficult choice... and, moreover, it's all the more natural for someone who has lived an entire life being let down by this person, to assume they're just going to do it again when it really matters. The thought process flows effortlessly, and her logic is infallible. Again, unlike certain other incarnations of the character.

I also love how she slips so easily into Detective Rush mode when she finds herself presented by evidence - the rehab leaflets, the bloodstain on the wall, sudden little things that suggest everything isn't quite as straightforward as she thought. You've done a marvellous job of building up those little clues around her - the insurance card leading to the discovery of the photo, the return of the nurse later, &c - so that, when the final pieces start to fall down, Lilly just begins piecing them together as if it's second nature to her. Which, of course, it is.

And, yea. I love how you ended it. I know you toyed with a lot of different ways of doing that, and I think most if not all of them would have worked well... but I think, as always, you picked the perfect one for the environment you created throughout the chapter, and by so doing gave us a great segue into what promises to be an... eventful... next chapter. I really do admire your capacity to hammer at problems like that - a chapter ending that isn't quite right - until you've got it in a place where you know it's perfect. It takes a hell of a lot of patience, I know, but it invariably pays off a hundredfold for us the reader... even if it does feel frustrating while you're doing it.

So, yea. Another great offering, stitched together with your usual mastery. VERY much looking forward to the next one, hehe.