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Post by eduardodelroice on Apr 30, 2009 13:15:23 GMT -5
Good one Naj I needed to laugh
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Post by Naj on Apr 30, 2009 15:21:11 GMT -5
Good one Naj I needed to laugh Do you care to explain it to me. I don't think I get the joke. ![???](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/huh.png)
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Post by eduardodelroice on Apr 30, 2009 17:40:25 GMT -5
I understood that the Geek stated that all the chaos we have was originated with the pc. That God was a geek-pc guy
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Post by Naj on Apr 30, 2009 20:19:10 GMT -5
I understood that the Geek stated that all the chaos we have was originated with the pc. That God was a geek-pc guy Oh. ![](http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y239/bestwishes_always/poke.gif) I don't think the joke is funny then. ![::)](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/eyesroll.png)
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Gina
Reformed Bad Gurl
10%
I like women, wine, and spaghetti.
Posts: 55,002
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Post by Gina on Apr 30, 2009 20:20:09 GMT -5
I didn't think it was too funny either. *screams* I need a funny joke!!!!!!!!!! Aaagh! ![:o](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/shocked.png)
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Post by coldboneslove398 on Apr 30, 2009 20:30:36 GMT -5
This is an old joke a substitute teacher once told us:
Last Lunch
Three steel workers were having lunch at the construction site, a 20 story building. The first worker is Italian and when he looks in his lunch box, he exclaims, "Oh, no, if I have to eat spaghetti for lunch one more time, I going to jump off the 20th floor and kill myself." The second worker is Hispanic. When he looks in his lunch box, he exclaims, " Oh, no, if I have to eat tacos for lunch one more time, I going to jump off the 20th floor and kill myself." The third worker is polish. When he looks in his lunch box, he exclaims, "Oh, no, if I have to eat polish sausage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off the 20th floor and kill myself." The next day the Italian looks in his lunch box, sees a bowl of spaghetti. He walks to the edge and jumps to his death. Then the Hispanic worker looks in his lunch box, sees 2 tacos. He walks to the edge and jumps to his death. Finally the polish worker looks in his lunch box, sees a polish sausage sandwich. He walks to the edge and jumps to his death. At the funeral for the three workers the Italian workers wife is sobbing out of control and cries," Oh, its all my fault. If only I had packed him a different lunch!" The Hispanics wife is also sobbing out of control and cries," Oh, its all my fault. If only I had packed my husband a different lunch!" The polish workers wife isn't crying at all so the other two wives confront her. "Don't look at me," she exclaims, "He packs his own lunch!"
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Gina
Reformed Bad Gurl
10%
I like women, wine, and spaghetti.
Posts: 55,002
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Post by Gina on Apr 30, 2009 20:32:42 GMT -5
OH!!!!!!!!!!!! I posted that a while ago! I love that one! ![:D](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/grin.png)
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Post by eduardodelroice on Apr 30, 2009 21:38:41 GMT -5
Lol CBL.... Good one... I'm laughing
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Post by Naj on May 1, 2009 9:28:12 GMT -5
Computers in the Movies
You ever wonder why computers don't work in the movies the same way they work in reality? Here are some things we noticed:
- Word processors never display a cursor.
- You never have to use the space-bar when typing long sentences.
- All monitors display inch-high letters.
- High-tech computers, such as those used by NASA, the CIA, or some such governmental institution, will have easy-to-understand graphical interfaces.
- Those that don't will have incredibly powerful text-based command shells that can correctly understand and execute commands typed in plain English.
- Corollary: You can gain access to any information you want by simply typing "ACCESS ALL OF THE SECRET FILES" on any keyboard.
- Likewise, you can infect a computer with a destructive virus by simply typing "UPLOAD VIRUS." (See "Fortress")
- All computers are connected. You can access the information on the villain's desktop computer, even if it's turned off.
- Powerful computers beep whenever you press a key or whenever the screen changes. Some computers also slow down the output on the screen so that it doesn't go faster than you can read. The *really* advanced ones also emulate the sound of a dot-matrix printer.
- All computer panels have thousands of volts and flash pots just underneath the surface. Malfunctions are indicated by a bright flash, a puff of smoke, a shower of sparks, and an explosion that forces you backward.
- People typing away on a computer will turn it off without saving the data
~~~
The Best of Late Night
"Hey, have you all started making your summer vacation plans? I'm not sure what to do this year. I'm stuck between a Somali pirate cruise or a trip to a Mexican pig farm." --Jay Leno
"How about that swine flu? The government is saying forget about nonessential air travel, an example of which would be flying Air Force One really low over New York City." --David Letterman
"They said today you cannot get swine flu from eating pork, which, of course, raises the question, so what were these guys doing with the pig?" --Jay Leno
"Today marks 100 days of President Obama being in office, which is a big deal because 100 days is when his warranty runs out. We couldn't return him now if we wanted to." --Jimmy Kimmel
"And in a move that has stunned Washington, D.C., longtime Pennsylvania Republican Senator Arlen Specter has switched parties. He is the first Republican senator to switch teams since Senator Larry Craig, I guess." --Jay Leno
"They traced the origin of the new strain of swine flu back to one little piggy who went to market when he should have stayed home." --Jimmy Kimmel
"Dick Cheney is all over television defending this. He said yesterday, he would be happy to undergo waterboarding himself, but his heart might rust." --Bill Maher
"Next month in Canada, former President George W. Bush and former President Bill Clinton will have a debate. They're gonna debate each other. The topic will be, 'which is better, getting in bed with big oil or big women?" --Jay Leno
"GM is phasing out Pontiac. You know what that means? Another $20 million bonus for the head of GM" --David Letterman
"Unemployment is continually rising, foreclosures are through the roof. I saw a bumper sticker the other day that said, 'If this van's a-rockin', it's because we live here now.'" --Bill Maher
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Post by eduardodelroice on May 1, 2009 10:32:53 GMT -5
Good ones Naj
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Post by coldboneslove398 on May 2, 2009 16:18:28 GMT -5
A journalist had done a story on gender roles in Kuwait several years before the Gulf War, and she noted then that women customarily walked about 10 feet behind their husbands. She returned to Kuwait recently and observed that the men now walked several yards behind their wives. She approached one of the women for an explanation. "This is marvelous," said the journalist. "What enabled women here to achieve this reversal of roles?" Replied the Kuwaiti woman: "Land mines" ----------------------------------------------
A 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one Friday evening and read's: Dear Wife (that's what he called her) I am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and sexy 18 year old secretary. When he arrived at the hotel there was a letter waiting for him as follows: Dear Husband (that's what she called him) I too am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Hilton Hotel with my handsome and virile 18 year old toy boy. You being an accountant will therefore appreciate that 18 goes into 54 many many more times than 54 goes into 18!!!!
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Gina
Reformed Bad Gurl
10%
I like women, wine, and spaghetti.
Posts: 55,002
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Post by Gina on May 2, 2009 16:32:47 GMT -5
Hehehe. ;D The second one was funny, but I didn't really get the first one.
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Post by coldboneslove398 on May 2, 2009 16:51:24 GMT -5
Hehehe. ;D The second one was funny, but I didn't really get the first one. An A student like you doesn't get it? Sheesh what do you guys learn in World History class? ![:P](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/tongue.png) In Arabic culture, men look down upon women. Hence, why the women wear those head-dresses and so forth. Basically in the first case, they walked behind the men because men are higher than them on the social class ladder spectrum. In the second case, it's not so much of a "role reversal" like the Journalist thinks it is. Women are still treated like cr@p. Hence, they can walk on a land-mine to cause their instant death because they don't really matter to the men that now are walking several yards behind. A joke really isn't funny if I have to explain it ![;)](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/wink.png)
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Gina
Reformed Bad Gurl
10%
I like women, wine, and spaghetti.
Posts: 55,002
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Post by Gina on May 2, 2009 16:53:07 GMT -5
Well, I get the part that they are looked down on, but I didn't exactly know what a land mine was! ![:P](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/tongue.png) Besides, we didn't learn about Arabic history yet. ![:P](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/tongue.png)
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Post by eduardodelroice on May 2, 2009 21:01:32 GMT -5
Good Ones CBL
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Post by Naj on May 4, 2009 8:13:49 GMT -5
Got a funny joke for us? Send it in to SendJokes@Joke-Of-The-Day.com
The Best Part of Waking Up...
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife says, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband says, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
The wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."
The husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages that it indeed says:
"HEBREWS"
~~~
Exit Interview...
A man who had been in a mental home for some years finally seemed to have improved to the point where it was thought he might be released.
The head of the institution, in a fit of commendable caution, decided, however, to interview him first.
"Tell me," said he, "if we release you, as we are considering doing, what do you intend to do with your life?
The inmate said, "It would be wonderful to get back to real life and if I do, I will certainly refrain from making my former mistake. I was a nuclear physicist, you know, and it was the stress of my work in weapons research that helped put me here. If I am released, I shall confine myself to work in pure theory, where I trust the situation will be less difficult and stressful."
"Marvelous," said the head of the institution.
"Or else," ruminated the inmate. "I might teach. There is something to be said for spending one's life in bringing up a new generation of scientists."
"Absolutely," said the head.
"Then again, I might write. There is considerable need for books on science for the general public. Or I might even write a novel based on my experiences in this fine institution."
"An interesting possibility," said the head.
"And finally, if none of these things appeals to me, I can always continue to be a teakettle."
{I don't get the second one}
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Post by eduardodelroice on May 4, 2009 10:59:53 GMT -5
The first one Was funny Did not get the second one either
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Post by lillyfan on May 4, 2009 19:50:33 GMT -5
I think it's funny because everyone thought he was getting better and the whole time the guy thinks he's a tea kettle? That's my guess.
Loved the first one by the way I'm so going to use that one on my husband.
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Post by Naj on May 5, 2009 8:11:49 GMT -5
Now that is a funny notion. I think this next one is funny! How To Fix Your Marriage...After just a few years of marriage filled with constant arguments, a young man and his wife decided the only way to save their marriage was to try counseling. They had been at each other's throats for some time and felt that this was their last straw. When they arrived at the counselor's office, the counselor jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion. "What seems to be the problem?" Immediately, the husband held his long face down without anything to say. In contrast, the wife began talking 90 miles an hour, describing all the wrongs within their marriage. After 15 minutes of listening to the wife, the counselor went over to her, picked her up by her shoulders, kissed her passionately and sat her back down. Afterwards, the wife sat speechless. The marriage counselor looked over at the husband, who stared in disbelief. The counselor said to the husband, "Your wife NEEDS that at least twice a week!" The husband scratched his head and replied, "I can have her here on Tuesdays and Thursdays."
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Post by eduardodelroice on May 5, 2009 9:45:24 GMT -5
Lol Naj, That was very good
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