|
Post by coldboneslove398 on Mar 7, 2009 13:11:10 GMT -5
I don't get the cheeky monkey joke...
|
|
|
Post by Naj on Mar 10, 2009 8:25:49 GMT -5
I don't get the cheeky monkey joke... Whut? Someone as smart as you can't figure it out? ;D Someone want to tell coldbones Knocking On Heaven's Door...
Three men were waiting at Heaven's Gate. St. Peter says, "Okay, guys, pretty much anything goes up here, but whatever you do, never lie, or you will spend the rest of eternity with the ugliest women in the universe." So they all agree and are admitted in. The first guy makes it a week before he lies about how rich he was on Earth. Bam! Right at his side appears the ugliest woman he had ever seen. The second guy makes it another couple weeks before he lies about how smart he is. Bam! At his side appears the second ugliest woman in the universe. So the first two guys are walking around with their monsters of women when they see their third friend walking with the hottest woman ever conceived by man. The first two guys say in unison, "How did you end with that babe when we get stuck with these nasty women?" He nudges the babe and says, "Tell them." She says to the first two guys, "I lied.
|
|
|
Post by Naj on Mar 11, 2009 10:29:04 GMT -5
You Can Ring My Bell... A man is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy wass very small and the doorbell was just too high for him to reach. After watching the boy's efforts for some time, the man moved closer to the boy's position. He stepped smartly across the street, walked up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child's shoulder, leans over and gives the doorbell a solid ring. Crouching down to the childs level, the man smiles benevolently and says, "There you go! And now what, my little man?" And with a grin, the boy replies, "Now we run!" ;D
|
|
|
Post by bananapancakes on Mar 11, 2009 10:39:33 GMT -5
LOL love both of those.
|
|
|
Post by eduardodelroice on Mar 11, 2009 17:19:33 GMT -5
You Can Ring My Bell... A man is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy wass very small and the doorbell was just too high for him to reach. After watching the boy's efforts for some time, the man moved closer to the boy's position. He stepped smartly across the street, walked up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child's shoulder, leans over and gives the doorbell a solid ring. Crouching down to the childs level, the man smiles benevolently and says, "There you go! And now what, my little man?" And with a grin, the boy replies, "Now we run!" ;D Loved this one
|
|
|
Post by Naj on Mar 13, 2009 7:50:18 GMT -5
The Best of Late Night...
"Well, earlier this week, President Obama took on the teachers union by saying he wants merit pay for teachers and to fire the ones who do not perform well. That is pretty bold. A Democrat taking on the unions? That's like Rush Limbaugh going after the donut manufacturers." -- Jay Leno
"President Obama created a new White House Council on Women and Girls, which deals with all things related to women. When Bill Clinton heard about it, he said, 'Why didn't I think of that?'" -- Jimmy Fallon
"Celebrity birthday today. Osama bin Laden turned 52 today, and apparently he's going through a mid-life crisis because he bought himself a bright red 1965 camel." -- David Letterman
"In North Korea, they're grooming President Kim Jong-il's son to take over for him. You know, we should let the of people in North Korea know, this doesn't always work out the best." -- Jay Leno
"Over the weekend, we had the time deal and moved the clocks forward. And because of that, we lost an hour, and I'm thinking well hell, we've lost everything else. Who cares?" -- David Letterman
"President Obama signed a bill today overturning President Bush's restrictions on stem-cell research. He said stem-cell research can help save lives, cure disease and help develop better hair plugs for Joe Biden." -- Jay Leno
"The federal government agreed on Sunday to provide an additional $30 billion to AIG. According to AIG, $15 billion will be used to build the world's biggest toilet, down which the other $15 billion will be flushed." -- Seth Meyers
"And in real estate news, the octo-mom just bought a home here in Southern California for $565,000. How is she paying for this? She's got 14 kids, no job and no credit. Who financed this deal, A.I.G.?" -- Jay Leno
"The stock market apparently, cannot find a bottom. ... Auditors say we're probably going to lose General Motors, which is terrible news for the one guy who was going to buy one of their cars." -- Bill Maher
"I have some exciting news, the Obama family is finally getting their dog! Yeah, they say they're getting a Portuguese Water Dog. And today, Rush Limbaugh said he hopes the dog fails!" -- Jay Leno
"No wonder Obama has gray hair. That was the big story in the paper yesterday, Obama has gray hair. Wow, now his hair isn't black enough." -- Bill Maher
|
|
|
Post by eduardodelroice on Mar 13, 2009 12:11:07 GMT -5
Nice Naj
|
|
|
Post by Naj on Mar 15, 2009 9:30:50 GMT -5
Daring Drinking... "Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a couple of bottles of Bud.The passenger, Bubba, said "Lookey thar up ahead, Earl, it's a poll-ice roadblock. We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!" "Don't worry, Bubba", Earl said. "We'll just pull over and finish drinkin' these beers, peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, and throw the bottles under the seat." "What?," asked Bubba. "Just let me do the talkin', okay?", said Earl. They finished their beers, threw the empty bottles under the seat, and each put a label on their forehead. When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said, "You boys been drinkin'?" "No, sir", said Earl. "We're on the patch!"
|
|
|
Post by Naj on Mar 16, 2009 8:20:02 GMT -5
I Wanna Grow Old With You... A couple had been married for 40 years and also celebrated their 60th birthdays. During the celebration, a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all these years, she would give them one wish each. Being the faithful, loving spouse for all these years, naturally the wife wanted for herself and her husband to have a romantic vacation together, so she wished for them to travel around the world. The fairy waved her wand and boom! The wife had the tickets in her hand. Next, it was the husband`s turn and the fairy assured him he could have any wish he wanted, all he needed to do was ask for his heart`s desire. He paused for a moment, and then said, "Well, honestly, I`d like to have a woman 30 years younger than me." The fairy picked up her wand and kazoom" The husband turned 90.
|
|
|
Post by eduardodelroice on Mar 16, 2009 12:27:57 GMT -5
Lol Naj
|
|
|
Post by Naj on Mar 17, 2009 8:53:18 GMT -5
Angering The Irish... Three Englishmen were in a bar and spotted an Irishman. So, one of the Englishmen walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder, and said, "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was a drunken loser." "Oh really, hmm, didn't know that." Puzzled, the Englishman walked back to his buddies. "I told him St. Patrick was a loser, and he didn't care." The second Englishman remarked, "You just don't know how to set him off...watch and learn." So, the second Englishman walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder and said, "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was lying, cheating, idiotic, low-life scum!" "Oh really, hmm, didn't know that." Shocked beyond belief, the Englishman went back to his buddies. "You're right. He's unshakable!" The third Englishman remarked, "Boys, I'll really tick him off... just watch." So the third Englishman walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder and said, "I hear St. Patrick was an Englishman!" "Yeah, that's what your buddies were trying to tell me."
|
|
|
Post by eduardodelroice on Mar 17, 2009 13:43:17 GMT -5
LOL Naj
|
|
|
Post by Naj on Mar 18, 2009 8:48:03 GMT -5
Got a funny joke for us? Send it in to SendJokes@Joke-Of-The-Day.com The Perfect Woman... A young man finds the woman of his dreams and asks her to marry him. He tells his mother he wants her to meet his fiance, but he wants to make a bit of a game out of it. He says he'll bring the girl over with two other women and see if his mother can guess which is the one he wants to marry. His mother agrees to the game. That night, he shows up at his mother's house with three beautiful young ladies. They all sit down on the couch, and everyone has a wonderful evening talking and getting to know each other. At the end of the evening, the young man asks his mother, "OK, Mom, which one is the woman I want to marry?" Without any hesitation at all, his mother replies, "The one in the middle." The young man is astounded. "How in the world did you figure it out?" "Easy," she says. "I don't like her."
|
|
|
Post by eduardodelroice on Mar 18, 2009 8:55:18 GMT -5
Good one Naj
|
|
|
Post by Naj on Mar 19, 2009 8:29:05 GMT -5
My Dad Can Beat Up Your Dad... Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day. "My name is Billy. What's yours?" asked the first boy. "Tommy," replied the second. "My Daddy's an accountant. What does your Daddy do for a living?" asked Billy. Tommy replied, "My Daddy's a lawyer." "Honest?" asked Billy. "No, just the regular kind", replied Tommy.
|
|
|
Post by eduardodelroice on Mar 20, 2009 6:14:50 GMT -5
Lol Naj
|
|
|
Post by Naj on Mar 20, 2009 7:52:48 GMT -5
The Best of Late Night... George Bush is writing a book. No, that's not the joke. It's a serious book about the 12 toughest decisions he made as President. It's called 'The Ten Toughest Decisions I Made As President.' It's a good book. It's a pop-up book."--Jimmy Fallon "A very happy St. Patrick's Day, everybody. Of course, St. Patrick's day is a little different this year. Nobody's got any green left." --Jay Leno "Kim Jong-il has demanded that North Korea open its first pizzeria. It will have pizza just like the kind we have over here, but their Crazy Bread will actually be crazy."--Jimmy Fallon "The Republicans are on board in this, too. Iowa Senator Charles Grassley told AIG executives -- this is what he actually said -- he said they should either quit or commit suicide. But I think that's plain wrong. I mean, why give them the option of quitting?" --Jay Leno "Oh, a little health scare for former Vice President Dick Cheney's wife, Lynne Cheney. She was hospitalized briefly after fainting at home. She's apparently okay. But here's kind of a funny thing that happened. The paramedics arrived, and out of habit they started giving C.P.R. to Dick." --David Letterman "Everyone had a nice time, but I guess things got ugly for a second when Ben Bernanke, the chairman of the Federal Reserve, mistook Dennis Kucinich for a leprechaun and tried to choke him for his gold." --Jimmy Kimmel "And some sad news. Bristol Palin, the one who's name we shall not say Palin's daughter, has broken up with babydaddy Levi Johnston. I was stunned when I heard. I mean, really, if two kids without a decent education and no jobs and a baby can't make it, what hope is there for the rest of us?" --Jay Leno "Here's a guy that won't go away, that Osama bin Laden. We got another audiotape from bin Laden. Have you heard it? He attacks moderate Arab leaders, he calls for renewed jihad, and he gives his NCAA picks." --David Letterman "The Federal Reserve says Americans last year lost 11 trillion dollars in household wealth. You know, that is our own stupid, greedy fault for putting the money in banks. If we'd lost it in Las Vegas, they would have at least comped the room." -- Bill Maher "In a speech Tuesday, President Obama outlined new education goals that proposed longer school days and longer school years. 'That's a brilliant idea,' said Katherine, the fifth grader nobody likes." -- Seth Meyer
|
|
|
Post by eduardodelroice on Mar 20, 2009 11:22:08 GMT -5
Good one Naj
|
|
|
Post by coldboneslove398 on Mar 21, 2009 16:55:42 GMT -5
I don't get the cheeky monkey joke... Whut? Someone as smart as you can't figure it out? ;D Someone want to tell coldbones Well, if it's a really dirty joke...I am usually "slow" on the uptake when it comes to those kind of jokes. Just ask my friends So anyone want to explain to me what's so funny about the "Cheeky Monkey" joke? ;D
|
|
|
Post by Naj on Mar 23, 2009 7:30:08 GMT -5
Whut? Someone as smart as you can't figure it out? ;D Someone want to tell coldbones Well, if it's a really dirty joke...I am usually "slow" on the uptake when it comes to those kind of jokes. Just ask my friends So anyone want to explain to me what's so funny about the "Cheeky Monkey" joke? ;D my take on it was that since the monkey's owners were so trashed they designated the monkey to drive. ~~~ A Frog, A Rat, And A Hollywood Agent... A drunk walks up to a barkeeper one day and says, "If I show you a trick will you give me a free drink?" The Barkeep says, "Depends on how good of a trick it is." The Drunk reaches into his pocket and pulls out a frog and places him behind the piano. The frog starts to play the sweetest jazz riff the barkeeper has ever heard. He pours the drunk his drink. The drunk, after killing his drink says, "If I show you another trick can I have another free one?" The barkeep says, "If it is anything like that last one, you can drink free all night." The drunk reaches into his other pocket, pulls out a rat, sets it on top of the piano, and the rat starts scatting along with the frog." Impressed, the barkeeper starts to pour drinks as fast as the drunk can drink 'em. After several hours, a big time Hollywood agent walks in, sees the act and franticaly asks the barkeeper who it belongs to. The barkeeper points to the drunk who is passed out on the floor. The agent wakes him up and says, "I will give you a million dollars for that act." The drunk replies, "Sorry, not for sale". The agent says, "Okay, a hundred grand for just the scatting rat." The drunk thinks for a moment and finally replies, "You got yourself a deal." The agent writes the check and leaves with the rat. The barkeeper, astonished, looks at the drunk and exclaims, "Are you nuts? You had a million dollar act that you just broke up for a whimpy hundred grand?" To which the drunk replies: "Relax, the frog is a ventriliquist." Have a Knack For Helping People? Look At A Rewarding and Lucrative Career As A Nurse! To Register: Visit Joke-of-the-Day.com ... Tell Your Friends! Help Keep Joke-Of-The-Day Free: Please Support Our Advertisers.
|
|