ali
Senior Detective
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Social One[/color]
Posts: 560
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Post by ali on Jun 8, 2009 12:32:52 GMT -5
I heard this one from a Russian friend.
The chief of the host State, during Olympics Opening Ceremony, reads his speech. "Oh!" he says. People and athlets: round of applause. "Ooh!" he says with more emphasis. People and athlets: round of applause. "OOOH!" he says with passion. People and athlets: standing ovation. One of his secretaries goes near him, and says quietly: "Sir, this is not the speech: those "O" are the olympic circles."
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Post by Naj on Jun 9, 2009 14:28:44 GMT -5
Stop Playing Games With My Heart...
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.
His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says, "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"
"But why?" asks the man.
"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.
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Post by Naj on Jun 10, 2009 8:15:07 GMT -5
I Vant To Suck Your Blood...
A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep.
Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it.
He told them to go away and let him get some sleep but they persisted until finally he gave in.
"OK, follow me" he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him.
Down through the valley they went, across a river and into a forest full of trees.
Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him.
"Now, do you see that tree over there?" he asked.
"Yes, Yes, Yes!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy.
"Good" said the bat, "Because I sure as heck didn`t!"
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Post by lillyfan on Jun 10, 2009 12:11:54 GMT -5
Wedding Anniversary
Larry was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less then 6 seconds...
AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!!"
The next morning Larry got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a gift-box for her wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe, ran out to the driveway and brought the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Larry has been missing since Friday
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Post by Naj on Jun 14, 2009 7:50:10 GMT -5
The Best of Late Night...
"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to the 'Late Show,' a division of Fiat." --David Letterman
"Today, Chrysler was taken over by Fiat and the new CEO said, this is a quote, 'Going forward we intend to build on Chrysler's culture of innovation.' Yeah. Yeah, then he laughed for three straight hours." --Conan O'Brien
"Listen to this - listen to how the power of the world is changing. Ahmadinejad may lose his job, and the Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il is stepping down, and before you know it, the only tiny -- because these guys are all petite guys -- the only small control freaks left in the world will be, like, well, Tom Cruise. Is that right?" --David Letterman
"President Obama's in the news, of course. He's put health care back in the news. Yup. President Obama says he wants to create a national health care plan that's both affordable and easy to use. Yup. Yeah, good. Yeah, and the insurance industry says they'll fight the plan with congressmen who are both affordable and easy to use." --Conan O'Brien
"Edward Whitaker, the former chairman of AT&T, was appointed the new chairman of General Motors. I'm not sure about his business plan. He's giving away free cars on nights and weekends. I think that's a bad idea." --Jimmy Fallon
"This is weird. Former President George H.W. Bush is going to celebrate his 85th birthday by once again going skydiving. Yup. And his son, George W. Bush, is going to celebrate his father's birthday the way he always does, giving him a World's Greatest Dad mug and making him a macaroni necklace." --Conan O'Brien
"Scientists are now saying that children under the age of two should not watch television. Apparently, it delays language development. But I say, keep watching, kids. Keep watching." --Jimmy Fallon
"Earlier today, President Obama spoke at a town hall meeting in Green Bay, Wisconsin. Yeah. Yeah, half of the Wisconsin crowd had never seen an African-American, and the other half had never seen a skinny person." --Conan O'Brien
"I am Stephen Colbert, and I am reporting for duty. Folks, right off the top, I want to thank the USO for bringing me and my show to our brave men and women in uniform in Baghdad, Iraq. Thank you so much. I have to say, this place is great. I've always loved the beach, but I hate the ocean, so this is perfect!" --Stephen Colbert
"We're actually broadcasting tonight from one of Saddam Hussein's old palaces, the al-Fah, which is also known as the water palace, because that's the only damn drink you can get around here. Come on! I mean, really. No alcohol? If anyone deserves a beer, it's you people." --Stephen Colbert
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Post by Naj on Jun 15, 2009 8:07:00 GMT -5
Mission Accomplished... Uncle Sam and Osama decided to settle the whole war with a dogfight. They would each have 5 years to breed the best fighting dog and whoever's dog won would dominate the world. Osama found the meanest Doberman females in the world and bred them with the meanest wolves. They selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from each litter. After 5 years, they came up with the biggest, meanest dog ever. When the day came for the big dogfight, Uncle Sam showed up with a strange looking animal. It was a 9-foot long Dachshund. When the cages were opened up, the Dachshund came out of it's cage and slowly waddled over toward Osama's dog. Osama's dog snarled and leaped out of it's cage and charged the American dog--but when it got close to the American dog, the Dachshund opened it's mouth and ate Osama's dog whole! Osama replied, "We don't understand how this could have happened, we had our best people working for 5 years with the meanest dogs and the meanest wolves!" "Uncle Sam said, "That’s nothing, we had our best plastic surgeons working for 5 years to make that alligator look like a weenie dog." ![](http://yelims1.free.fr/Animaux/Animaux67.gif)
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Post by Naj on Jun 17, 2009 9:38:34 GMT -5
Light Bulbs in Hollywood...
How many studio executives does it take to screw in a light bulb? We don't know. Light bulbs last longer than studio executives.
How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb? 1,000. One to do it and the others to say, "I would've done that differently."
How many D. P.'s does it take to screw in a light bulb? One. No, two. No, wait.... how many do we have on the truck?
How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb? Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candleholder...
How many editors does it take to change a light bulb? If we change the light bulb, we'll have to change everything.
How many P. A.'s does it take to screw in a light bulb? Nine. One to do it and eight others to wish they'd been asked.
How many P. A.'s does it take to screw in a... Done!
How many development executives does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two. One to take notes while the other screws it into the faucet.
How many screenwriters does it take to screw in a light bulb? The bulb is in and it's staying in!
How many first A. D.'s does it take to screw in a light bulb? Why the heck are you asking me? Can't you see I'm busy!
How many U. P. M.'s does it take to screw in a light bulb? None! Make it a day exterior we won't screw around with all these light bulbs!
How many casting directors does it take to screw in a light bulb? Well, if I really had to choose, there's this one bulb, he's a little oversized for the socket but he burns really bright, or wait, no, there's this little bulb, he's really energy efficient if you want to save time and money, but, wait, there's a fabulous bulb I just saw in a showcase, he has no name value whatsoever, but the design was to die for, but, wait...
How many extras does it take to screw in a light bulb? Is that a S. A. G. light bulb? How did it get its card? Did it know someone?
How many casting directors does it take to screw in a light bulb? It doesn't matter--nobody will give them credit anyway.
How many publicists does it take to screw in a light bulb? That is a total rumor. The light bulb has some very good friends, but at this time, is not interested in screwing.
How many directors does it take to screw in a light bulb? One. The director just holds the light bulb while the world revolves around him.
How many prop masters does it take to screw in a light bulb? Light bulb? Light bulb? The script doesn't mention any light bulb!
How many union electricians does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three. You got a problem with that?
How many executive producers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Executive producers don't screw in light bulbs, they screw in hot tubs.
How many agents does it take to screw in a light bulb? Actually, agents will screw in just about anything.
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Post by minsku on Jun 22, 2009 6:36:34 GMT -5
Excuse me if the jokes have already been posted. I was too lazy to read all 44 pages.
Why is 6 scared of 7?
Because 7 8 9. ----------------------------------------- A lawyer is just about to step out of his BMW when another car hits the open door with 90 km/h speed. The door comes off. When police arrive on the scene, the lawyer is going crazy. "Did you see what that dickhead did to my beautiful car?" he yells. "Do you have any idea how expensive it is?" "Mister", says a policeman, "you're so worried about your car that you haven't even noticed that you're missing your left arm." The lawyer takes a look at his nonexisting arm and screams: "Where is my fine Rolex -watch?"
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Post by Naj on Jun 22, 2009 8:28:57 GMT -5
Excuse me if the jokes have already been posted. I was too lazy to read all 44 pages. Why is 6 scared of 7? Because 7 8 9. ----------------------------------------- A lawyer is just about to step out of his BMW when another car hits the open door with 90 km/h speed. The door comes off. When police arrive on the scene, the lawyer is going crazy. "Did you see what that dickhead did to my beautiful car?" he yells. "Do you have any idea how expensive it is?" "Mister", says a policeman, "you're so worried about your car that you haven't even noticed that you're missing your left arm." The lawyer takes a look at his nonexisting arm and screams: "Where is my fine Rolex -watch?" No, these definitely aren't on these 44 pages. ![](http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y239/bestwishes_always/yep1.gif) Funny stuff ;D
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Post by Naj on Jun 22, 2009 11:19:35 GMT -5
The Best of Late Night...
"Glad you people are here. Because yesterday, we had kind of a thing, and think about this — this was a little weird. Right here, we're doing the show, right across the street on Broadway, they had the 'Fire Dave' rally going on. Yeah. I mean, it was a gathering of people who actually hate me. Now, at my house, we call that Thanksgiving." --David Letterman
"People are suspecting that Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's re-election may have been a sham because he's claiming he won by a 2-1 margin. They're also suspicious of Ahmadinejad's claim that he's dating Megan Fox." --Conan O'Brien
"Here's the breakdown of the Iranian election: 63 percent of the vote for Ahmadinejad; Moussavi, he's got 34 percent of the vote; and 3 percent of the vote goes to Ralph Nader." --David Letterman
"It has been reported that Twitter usage ... is up a staggering 1300% since last year. 1300%. Yeah, folks, it's hard to imagine that just one year ago, most of us had no idea what Wilmer Valderrama was having for lunch." --Conan O'Brien
"Well, the results from Iran's presidential elections are in. And Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has declared victory. But his opponent, Mir-Hossein Mousavi, is claiming ballot fraud and wants an investigation. If that doesn't work, he's planning on making a documentary about global warming." --Jimmy Fallon
"It's been reported Marvel Comics is getting set to bring back Captain America. They're going to do this as soon as they get a loan from Captain China." --Conan O'Brien
"Thank you very much. Welcome to the 'Late Show', ladies and gentlemen. Now, when I call your name, please come forward and pick up your apology." --David Letterman
"Senator John McCain announced today that he bought a hybrid car. Apparently, McCain thinks a hybrid car is one that has AM and FM radio." --Conan O'Brien
"Hi, everyone. I'm Jimmy, I'm the host of the show. Before we go any further, I want to just take a minute to apologize for some jokes I'm planning to make about the Palin family tonight. They are in extremely poor taste and I know that I will regret saying them." --Jimmy Kimmel
"Obviously, ladies and gentlemen, big, big news is from Iran right now. Incredible, three days of riots, street fighting, people setting fire to everything. I'm not sure who won over there, Ahmadinejad or the Lakers." --Conan O'Brien
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Post by Naj on Jun 23, 2009 7:48:18 GMT -5
Senioritis...
Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: "Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?"
Slim says, "I feel just like a newborn baby."
"Really!? Like a newborn baby!?"
"Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.
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Post by Naj on Jun 24, 2009 12:32:54 GMT -5
Gone Golfing...
One lovely morning, Ben and Thomas were out golfing. Ben slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine. He grabs his 8-iron and proceeds down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball. Ben searches diligently throught the thick underbrush and suddenly he spots something shiny. As he gets closer, he realizes that the shiny object is in fact an 8-iron in the hands of a skeleton lying near an old golf ball. Ben excitedly calls out to his golfing partner: "Hey Thomas, come here, I got big trouble down here." Thomas comes running over to the edge of the ravine and calls out: "What`s the matter Ben?" Ben shouts back in a nervous voice: "Throw me my 7-iron! Looks like you can`t get out of here with an 8-iron."
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Post by lillyfan on Jun 24, 2009 20:34:27 GMT -5
SUMMER CLASSES FOR MENREGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED BY Monday, July 20, 2009 NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM. Classes begin Monday, July 27, 2009 Class 1 How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays --- Step by Step, with Slide Presentation. Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM. Class 2 The Toilet Paper Roll --- Does It Change Itself? Round Table Discussion. Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours. Class 3 Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub? --- Group Practice. Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours. Class 4 Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor --- Pictures and Explanatory Graphics. Meets Saturday at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks. Class 5 After Dinner Dishes --- Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink? Examples on Video. Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM. Class 6 Loss Of Identity --- Losing The Remote To Your Signifi cant Other. Help Line Support and Support Groups. Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM. Class 7 Learning How To Find Things --- Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming. Open Forum . Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours. Class 8 Health Watch --- Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health. Graphics and Audio Tapes. Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours. Class 9 Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost --- Real Life Testimonials. Tuesday at 6:00 PM Location to be determined. Class 10 Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks? Driving Simulations. 4 weeks, Saturday noon, 2 hours. Class 11 Learning to Live --- Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife. Online Classes and role-playing . Tuesday at 7:00 PM, location to be determined. Class 12 How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion Relaxation Exercises , Meditation and Breathing Techniques. Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours ! Beginning at 7:00 PM. Class 13 How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy --- Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates And Calling When You're Going To Be Late.Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered. Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours. Class 14 The Stove/Oven --- What It Is and How It Is Used. Live Demonstration. Tuesday at 6:00 PM, location to be determined. Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.! Send this to all the guys that you think can stand the heat, And to all the ladies for the best chuckle of their day!
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Post by Naj on Jun 29, 2009 16:38:32 GMT -5
Good Chess Player
A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. He watched the game in astonishment for a while. "I can hardly believe my eyes!" he exclaimed. "That's the smartest dog I've ever seen."
"Nah, he's not so smart," the friend replied. "I've beaten him three games out of five."
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Post by Naj on Jul 1, 2009 8:17:53 GMT -5
Office Lingo... ![:D](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/grin.png) SICK DAYS: We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. SURGERY: Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment. PERSONAL DAYS: Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday. VACATION DAYS: All employees will take their vacation at the same time every year. The vacation days are as follows: Jan. 1, July 4 & Dec. 25 BEREAVEMENT LEAVE: This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or coworkers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is done enough. OUT FROM YOUR OWN DEATH: This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice, as it is your duty to train your own replacement. RESTROOM USE: Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance, all employees whose names begin with 'A' will go from 8:00 to 8:20, employees whose names begin with 'B' will go from 8:20 to 8:40 and so on. If you're unable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes again. In extreme emergencies employees may swap their time with a coworker. Both employees' supervisors in writing must approve this exchange. In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, and the stall door will open. LUNCH BREAK: Skinny people get an hour for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy, normal size people get 30 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain the average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill. Sondra gets none. DRESS CODE: It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary, if we see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers and carrying a $600 Gucci bag we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternations or input should be directed elsewhere. Have a nice week. -- Management
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Post by Naj on Jul 2, 2009 8:02:20 GMT -5
Way To Go, Einstein...When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker's circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. One night as they were driving to yet another rubber-chicken dinner, Einstein mentioned to his chauffeur (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speechmaking. "I have an idea, boss," his chauffeur said. "I've heard you give this speech so many times. I'll bet I could give it for you." Einstein laughed loudly and said, "Why not? Let's do it!" When they arrive at the dinner, Einstein donned the chauffeur's cap and jacket and sat in the back of the room. The chauffeur gave a beautiful rendition of Einstein's speech and even answered a few questions expertly. Then a supremely pompous professor asked an extremely esoteric question about anti-matter formation, digressing here and there to let everyone in the audience know that he was nobody's fool. Without missing a beat, the chauffeur fixed the professor with a steely stare and said: "Sir, the answer to that question is so simple that I will let my chauffeur, who is sitting in the back, answer it for me."
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Post by Naj on Jul 3, 2009 7:20:21 GMT -5
The Best of Late Night...
"Did you hear about Mark Sanford, the governor of South Carolina? He mysteriously disappeared last week and nobody knew where he was. Today, Sanford admitted to having an affair in Argentina. I'm like, great, now we're outsourcing mistresses." --Craig Ferguson
"Anybody here from South Carolina? Their governor down there, Mark Sanford disappears. He's gone for four days. The first time he said he was hiking the Appalachian Trail. Okay, I'm just dumb enough to believe that. Then he says, 'No, no, no, forget the Appalachian Trail. I was in South America.' Now, I'm not sure I'm with him. Today he said he woke up in Las Vegas, hung over with a tiger and a baby." --David Letterman
"The 'Transformers' sequel came out today. One of the 'Transformers' is a Chevrolet. Fortunately, it has a sidekick that transforms into a tow truck." --Conan O'Brien
"You guys remember Dick Cheney? Vice President for eight years? Listen to this - and by all means try to stay in your seats when you hear the news. Don't be rushing out to bookstores. He's written a memoir about his life. Not just a memoir, a thousand pages! It's a great book. You can actually use it to stand on to reach a better book." --David Letterman
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Post by Naj on Jul 6, 2009 12:41:12 GMT -5
Blonde Law and Order...
The local sheriff in a small suburban town was looking for a deputy. He posted ads in the paper, and sure enough, Lisa, a wonderful looking blonde, went in to try out for the job. She wasn't the sharpest nail in the bucket, but seeing as she had a natural charisma about her, the sheriff gave her an interview...
"Okay," the sheriff drawled, "Lisa, what is 1 and 1?"
"11!" she enthusiastically replied.
The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but she's right in a way..."
"Okay, Lisa. What two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?"
"Shucks, that's easy," the blonde replied. "Today and tomorrow!"
The sheriff was again surprised that Lisa supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself.
He thought of his next question carefully to make sure there could be no equivocation about the answer:
"Now Lisa, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?"
Lisa looked a little surprised, thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "I don't know."
"Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while," the sheriff replied with satisfaction.
So, Lisa wandered over to the salon where her pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview.
"How'd it go?" they all asked.
Lisa was ecstatic. "It went great! First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!"
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Post by Naj on Jul 10, 2009 7:34:29 GMT -5
If I Only Had A Brain...
A mid-level executive was so frustrated at being passed over for promotion year after year, that, in frustration, he went to a brain-transplant center in the hope of raising his I.Q. 20 points.
After a battery of physical and psychological tests, the center's director told him that he was an acceptable candidate.
"That's great!" the executive said. "But I understand that this procedure can be really expensive."
"Yes, sir, it can," the director replied. "An ounce of accountant's brain for example, costs one thousand dollars; an ounce of an economist's brain costs two thousand; an ounce of a corporate president's is forty-five thousand. An ounce of a politicians brain is seventy-five thousand dollars."
"Seventy-five thousand dollars for an ounce of a politician's brain? Why on earth is that?"
"Do you have any idea," the director asked, "how many politicians we would have to kill?"
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Post by lillyfan on Jul 10, 2009 23:11:47 GMT -5
Naj, I loved Blonde Law & Order For the mathematically minded ….:-) This equation should be taught in all math classes! From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this: What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life? Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions: If: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26. Then: H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K 8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98% and K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E 11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96% But, A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E 1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100% And, B-U-L-L-S-H-!-T 2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103% AND, look how far a$$ kissing will take you. A-$-$-K-I-S-S-I-N-G 1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 127% So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the Bullsh!t and A$$ kissing that will put you over the top Why I’m always tiredFor a couple years I've been blaming it on lack of sleep, not enough sunshine, too much pressure from my job, earwax buildup, poor blood or anything else I could think of. But now I found out the real reason: I'm tired because I'm overworked. Here's why:. . The population of this country is 273 million. 140 million are retired That leaves 133 million to do the work. There are 85 million in school. Which leaves 48 million to do the work. Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government. Leaving 19 million to do the work. 2.8 million are in the armed forces preoccupied with killing Osama Bin-Laden. Which leaves 16.2 million to do the work. Take from that total the 14.8 million people who work for state and city governments. And that leaves 1.4 million to do the work. At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals. Leaving 1,212,000 to do the work. Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons. That leaves just two people to do the work. You and me. And there you are, sitting on your a$$, at your computer, reading jokes. Nice, real nice....
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