No One Has To Know (Lilly/Scotty)

[tiltomorrow]

Hey everyone! So I have started this story on Fanfiction.net , but I wondered if everyone here would like to read it, so I"m posting it here anyway. I'd love to hear from you guys and updates should be pretty frequent (I have the first 10 chapters written)


Title: No One Has To Know:
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: Lilly/Scotty
Major characters: The entire time, but focus on Lil and Scotty
Genre: Angst, Friendship, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Romance... Therefore: General

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Chapter 1: Don't Stand So Close To Me

Lilly Rush picked up the black permanent marker with a quiet triumphant feeling as she wrote CLOSED in capital letters on the monotonous white box. Sighing heavily, she looked around at her colleagues, all with a similar tired but satisfied look on their faces. It was really amazing how close they could become working these cold cases. A few years ago, who'd have thought this mismatched group of people … would become her family? And this case - this case full of ups and downs - had them all looking at each other for support. Another case closed, another family getting closure, another sleepless night …

Not now Rush, Lilly silently criticized herself as she descended the stairs into the evidence warehouse. Her partner, Scotty Valens, could always tell when something was on her mind when it shouldn't be. Especially in the recent months, after … Oh, shut up. Scotty had noticed the insomnia the first day she came into work a little too weary, a little too much makeup on her face to hide the crappy night. Thank god he'd never approached her about it. He seemed to know instinctively what she needed to get through that first month and even though Lilly knew he liked to tackle problems head on, he'd allowed her the space to push it out of her mind. And for that, she would be forever grateful.

Finally replacing the evidence box where it belonged, joining the ranks of cases they'd put to sleep, Lilly found herself completely drained. That was the downside to being a lone wolf cop. At the end of a case that took almost everything out of you, you had no one to lean on but yourself. The problem with that was that being a homicide detective required you to compartmentalize your human side; because if you didn't, if you allowed each case to get to you, it would all become way too much. Sometimes, when you're looking for yourself in that box you put your emotions away in, you couldn't find it.

Shaking her head fiercely, Lilly climbed the stairs and attempted to clear her melancholy mood. What the hell was wrong with her? The team had just closed another case; she should be celebrating, wearing that self satisfied grin like all the rest of them. A night with her cats, in front of the TV, that's exactly what she needed to get back to normal.

The idea of a smile crossed Lilly's face as she thought of the coziness of her own home and picked up her coat. Had she been paying attention to anyone else, she'd have noticed the teasing grins they were all wearing. But she was almost out the door …

"Where're you off to, Lil?" Scotty called after her. No way is she thinking of leaving without getting a drink.

Spinning around, Lilly replied. "Home." And hoped it would be the end of things. The team had taken to going out to the local bar, Joe's, for a drink at the end of cases, but she really wasn't up for it tonight. But one look at the grin on Scotty's face told her he'd remembered their recent tradition. Another look around the room told her there was no way she was getting out of it.

Vera shot her a passive look when she cast her gaze at him, but out of the corner of her eye, she knew he was in on Plan Make Sure Lilly Goes Out Tonight. He was simply trying to avoid her wrath by taking the middle ground. When she looked away, the corner of his mouth twitched slightly in repressed laughter.

Stillman and Jeffries, on the other hand, were smiling kindly at her. "We're all going Lil." Boss nudged her gently. "Might as well … let your hair down."

Raising his hand in offer of a high five, Scotty enthused. "Yeah, boss." But quickly lowered his arm, clearing his throat when Stillman raised an eyebrow at him.

Turning to the only other female in the room, Kat Miller, Lilly hoped for some support. But she sighed heavily as the message in Kat's dark eyes became clear. Hey, if I have to spend another second with these Neanderthals, then so do you.

Knowing she was outnumbered and that she was going out tonight no matter what, Lilly acquiesced gently. "I guess I'm going for a drink."

It's okay, her mind told her, this could work too. Get so drunk you don't remember what happened that night you decided to walk into the bullpen with a gun wielding, angry lover. Wincing slightly at the sudden onslaught of images in her head, Lilly plastered a smile to her face and followed her colleagues out of the now darkened squad room.

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About an hour later, Lilly was sitting at the bar, occasionally taking sips of the beer in front of her and wishing fervently that she was at home instead of here. As another drunken college student took the stage for karaoke, Lilly changed her mind. Anywhere but here would be alright for now. Burying her head in her arms and suppressing a groan, Lilly vowed to never let them, people, coerce her into coming here when all she wanted was a night with Tripod and Olivia, again.

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From somewhere across the bar, Scotty glanced at his partner, who clearly wasn't enjoying herself. Too bad, he thought sadly. He knew that she needed some sort of distraction. From … from what? Oh, yeah. From life. He should know. Only about 2 years ago, he'd have given his right arm to just forget about all the crap that had finally hit the fan. Lil gettin' shot's not like Elisa dyin'. He reminded himself sternly, but then he stopped there. Because there was no freaking way he was going down that road of self loathing again. Not tonight. So he took another swig of his scotch and lined up another shot on the pool table.

Just as he took the shot, Vera's voice rang out, "Distracted Valens? Cause if you hadn't noticed I'm kicking your ass."

His hand slipping at the last second, Scotty missed his shot horribly and straightened up to glare at the … interference that was Nick Vera.

"What the hell, man?" He griped, his voice laced with not anger, but irritation.

Vera chuckled, "You been staring at Lil all night. 'Ain't like it's a secret, what you two got going on."

His eyes suddenly wide with alarm, Scotty replied, "What the hell are you talking about?"

Scotty's deer in the headlights look made Vera want to roll his eyes, but he decided to suppress the reflex. Anyways, the man was obviously misunderstanding him. "Ever since she came back to work, you've been walking on eggshells around her." Vera turned around, lined up his shot and, to his excitement, the one day Valens was sucking seemed to be his lucky day. The ball landed neatly where it was supposed to go.

Scotty shrugged helplessly as he calculated what his best chance at catching up to Vera, and fast, was. As he prepared to sink at least 2 balls, his other colleague, Will Jeffries', deep voice rang out from behind him.

"Someone should go hang out with Lilly. She looks lonely."

Damn it. Scotty thought at he missed again. Sighing heavily, he turned away from the pool table and found two pairs of eyes staring at him. "What?"

"Lil" The two older male detectives replied in unison.

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Lilly was seriously considering sneaking out of the bar when the excited, and intoxicated, chatter of the people around her started to bring on a headache. She reminded herself to be annoyed at the fact that her colleagues had convinced her to come here, and then abandoned her to the wolves. Just as she was straightening up, the familiar, woody scent of Scotty Valens filled the air as her partner sidled up next to her.

"Havin' fun?" He asked with a grin.

"Yeah, Valens, a blast." She replied sarcastically, a small smile coloring her lips.

"Cause you know, you could always go join Miller out there." He cocked his head toward to the center of the bar and Lilly followed his gaze to an exuberant Kat Miller, who was usually the tough as nails cop that scared everyone away, but today was dancing our her troubles on the dance floor. With what appeared to be a complete stranger. Lilly couldn't help but laugh out loud.

"If I get that drunk, shoot me, please."

Scotty laughed appreciatively. She was making jokes, this was going well. She hadn't torn him a new one for dragging her out there yet. Maybe she was even having a good time.

"Same here." He commented softly.

A few minutes later, they'd descended into a comfortable silence and Scotty racked his brains, looking for some way to ask her what had been on his mind. Some way that wouldn't make her disappear behind the mask she wore so skillfully, because he'd seen a bit of the old Lilly tonight and wanted to keep it that way. Surprisingly, she spoke up first.

"Hey Scotty?" She looked over at him. "Thanks."

Scotty grinned. At least he'd done something right tonight. "No problem."

Lilly stared at him somewhat incredulously. "Aren't you gonna ask what for?"

"Nah." Came the cocky reply. "I can guess. You think that if I hadn't made you come out here. You'd be in your house with those cats you go on about all the time, which wouldn't be as entertaining as watching an addled Miller and hangin' out with me."

"Guess they didn't make you detective for nothing." Lilly said as she raised her glass at him. But she didn't reveal how surprised she was at the fact that he had, once again, read her mind. Because try as she might to pretend like she needed no one, the human contact was doing her some good. God knows you need a more normal life, anyways Rush. She reminded herself.

Seeming to understand the words she didn't voice, Scotty placed his hand on her back and stared into her soulful blue eyes. As her eyes met his, Scotty felt a shot of desire run through his system and quickly shook off the feeling. You must really be drunk. His brain told him. But logically, he knew, it wasn't possible. He'd barely had any scotch tonight. Before he could react though, Lilly stood up, practically knocking his hand off her back.

"I gotta go Scotty." She looked apologetic, but more than that, she looked confused. And before Scotty could react, she was out the door, leaving the barstool beside him suddenly hostile when it was not occupied by Lilly Rush. Shaking his head and taking another drink, Scotty wondered whether he was seriously lacking in sleep, because there was no freaking way he should be thinking about Lilly like that. She's your partner. Your Friend. But underneath the logic, his instincts screamed at him. So?

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And there's the first chapter. Let me know if I should continue posting it here.

[tiltomorrow]

Chapter 2: Realize

As she stepped out of the crowded bar, Lilly was grateful for the cool night air on her burning cheeks. Her eyes were wide with panic, confusion, and she stared around, not entirely sure which way to walk or where to go. Silently wishing she'd paid more attention on the way here, Lilly settled for turning left and walking down a well lit avenue. God knows she needed the time to think anyways.

What exactly had happened back there? She didn't know. Where was she going now? She didn't know either. One minute she was sitting at the bar with Scotty, doused in companionable silence, and the next minute, he had his hand on her back, gently, caressingly, and he was looking at her as though there was something he couldn't bring himself to say. Sighing heavily, Lilly decided that the beginning was a good place to start processing her thoughts.

She and the team had solved another case, but instead of being satisfied like the rest of them, she'd immediately been – worried. Worried that, without a puzzling case to keep her busy, she'd have nothing to distract her from … from what? The nightmares? The loud noises? Her thoughts? The dark? Probably a combination of all of the above. Even so, she'd been fully intending to go home, cuddle up with her cats, and maybe watch a bad cop show on TV.

But then … Scotty Valens had smiled at her with that lopsided grin of his, and easily convinced her to accompany the team to Joe's. How had she agreed without putting up a fight? Maybe it was the sparkling twinkle in his eyes, still so full of optimism, even after the shooting. Or the way he always wore his heart on his sleeve, and one glance at him told her he wanted her there at the bar. Or perhaps, the way his sleeves were rolled up just enough to let her see his toned forearms …

Whoa. Where did that come from? How did she get from, from harmless television, to her partner – who was unbelievably attractive and so caring and…

Lilly shook her head and forced the – ill advised – thoughts of her partner out of her head. I've gone off the deep end, she thought. Looking up from the pavement that she'd been staring at for the past half hour as she walked, Lilly took in her surroundings. She was in an unfamiliar neighborhood, and the sun had now completely disappeared below the horizon. Shivering slightly and hailing a cab, Lilly pulled her coat closer around herself and tried to steer her thoughts in a more appropriate direction.

But as the taxi brought her back into familiar territory, the only thing that remained on her mind was Scotty. She'd noticed him the moment they met, she couldn't deny that, but he'd always been just her partner, her friend. And then there was the Christina calamity and he wasn't even that. And now … now he was the person she trusted more than any other. Lilly couldn't help but hope that having his arms around her would chase away the nightmares that'd been a constant in her sleeping hours since … since Ed Marteson.

But Lilly was so used to dealing with her problems by herself, that possibly having Scotty by her side, as wonderful as it would be, as wonderful as he was, hadn't even crossed her mind. But he was wonderful. Over the past 4 years, Lilly had seen Scotty almost every single day. Including the weekends and late nights they'd worked together, due to their mutual lack of outside lives in general, Scotty, and the team, was the one constant in her life.

And lately, she'd started noticing, moments, between her and Scotty. Times where there just seemed to be something deeper than partnership between them. Thinking back two years ago, to the day she'd been forced to spill her worse secret to George Marks, of all people, she knew that even then Scotty had held a place in her heart. She'd heard what he'd done for her. How he threatened to murder Marks if he hurt her. And beyond a shadow of a doubt, she knew he meant it and Lilly also knew how difficult that was for him. Because as much as she herself was closed off, reserved, guarded, Scotty was too.

Oh sure, when it came to anger, frustration, and just plain annoyance, Scotty was an open book. When Valens was chewing on something, the whole team knew, and he'd been called on the carpet more than once for his short fuse. But fear? That was another demon altogether. And Lilly knew that Scotty was scared that night. Scared that she would come out of that attic in pieces. Why? Because he cares about you, damn it. He – loves – you. And just the fact that you're thinking about him should tell you that you feel the same way, if you weren't so damn blind. Not wanting to explore any further, Lilly silenced the nagging voice in her head and focused instead on the case they'd solved today, and not the, frankly quite alarming, realization, that she might just be in love with none other than Scotty Valens.

Still deeply lost in thought, Lilly didn't notice that the taxi had pulled up on the driveway of her quaint little row house. "Excuse me, ma'am?"

"Yeah." Lilly replied absentmindedly. She then tossed a few bills up to the driver and told him to keep the change as she hurried out the door.

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Back at the bar, Scotty was still nursing a scotch and thinking about the events of that night. There had been a moment, or so he thought … maybe. Damn it, there was definitely a moment, he rephrased. Their eyes had met, and just below the surface he'd seen thousands of words they never shared, despite years of working together.

Scotty sighed in frustration as he realized tonight was one of many nights he'd felt some sort of connection with Lilly, and not been able to do anything about it. Against his will, the night of the shooting came to mind and Scotty felt the bar fading away as another memory of him and Lilly took over. It was time she'd needed him.

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Scotty and Kat had returned to the precinct and found it surrounded with flashing lights and scurrying personnel. Then Kat had swooped and ambushed a security officer, given him an infamous, piercing stare and demanded he explain what the hell was happening. That was when they'd found out.

Ed Marteson had returned, with a gun and a temper, and was fully prepared to take it out on the room of homicide detectives. Scotty's immediate reaction had been one of shock, but that was quickly followed, and overwhelmed, by anger. What the hell were these people doing? Walking around and talking on their damn walkie talkies, when his friends, his boss, and the woman he – cared deeply about – were stuck with a maniac. Why the hell wasn't anyone doing anything?

When the first shot rang out, Scotty's head had snapped up from his arms where he'd buried it. Panic. Complete, soul filling panic had consumed him and in that moment, if the building had been on fire he'd have charged in there the same way he did that night.

Upon reaching the squad room, a panting mess, he'd seen the blood spreading from Stillman's shirt and noticed that Lilly was nowhere to be found. Someone, Vera or Jeffries, he couldn't remember who, had answered his unasked question. She's in there. The next thing Scotty remembered was his phone ringing and Lilly small voice on the other side. Thank god, she's still alive. Scotty remembered thinking.

He registered her cryptic warnings about where they were, but nothing made sense to him until her last word. Hey. And that's when he knew he was going in there and that it was what she wanted. Drawing his gun, he'd charged into the interrogation room and listened to the frightening exchange on the other side, hoping against hope that Ed Marteson wasn't facing his direction. And then Lilly's voice, laced with fear and determination, had shocked him back into the moment. You wanna shoot me? Shoot me now! He remembered wondering what the hell she was doing, until he understood, straightened up and fired two shots, the first shattering the glass and the second killing Ed Marteson.

Charging through the door, Scotty kicked aside the gun that lay abandoned on the floor once its owner was no longer alive. Still completely focused on Marteson, he hadn't noticed Lilly until … he got me.

From then on, he remembered yelling for paramedics, catching her as she slid down toward the floor, bright crimson blood smearing on the gray wall. He knew someone had pushed his hands, stained with her blood from where he'd been applying pressure the best he could in his frantic state, away and affixed an oxygen mask on Lilly's expressionless face.

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Snapping back to reality, Scotty downed the rest of his scotch and ran a hand through his hair, frustrated. Thinking about those things only served to remind him of how close he'd come to losing her – and how much it terrified him. And, of course, of how powerless he was from preventing it from happening again – because that was exactly where he stands in this moment.

He'd seen her the first day she came back to work. Hugged her, even, which was something they'd never done before. And then, out of the corner of his eye, he'd seen her jump when someone dropped an evidence box on the floor. At that point, his heart sank because he knew the tough front she was putting on was simply an act. Oh, he suspected as much, but actually seeing the fragile person inside her, that had ignited in him such a feeling – like wanting to pull her back into his embrace and just, be, Scotty and Lilly, until all the fear, and all the pain, just disappeared.

That feeling that started when she first came back to work, just never really left, Scotty found himself musing. Over the next month, he'd found himself constantly tiptoeing around her. Their usual friendly banter, sometimes going too far and ending in him apologizing, had all but completely disappeared. Because, and Scotty was surprised at this, because he was scared that by saying the wrong thing, or doing the wrong thing, he'd break her even more. The last time he'd felt like this, he realized, was with Elisa.

For the second time that night, Scotty had to remind himself, Lil ain't like Elisa. She isn't sick. She isn't exuberant one day and depressed the other. She isn't weak. But she means just as much to me. And when it finally hit Scotty, he wanted to smack himself on the forehead. He'd been careful around her and worried about her, simply because he managed to – somehow, idiotically, inexplicably, and unbelievably – fall in love with her.

Talking aloud to himself, he said "You drunk or stupid Valens? Or both?" Mentally touching his finger to his nose, Scotty confirmed that he was, indeed, still in a reasonably sober mindset and after leaving some money on the counter and walking out the door, he wondered what he should do next.

[Kassandra]

Hey!!


I love your story! I actually started reading it when you posted it on FanFiction!

Keep up the good work

[tiltomorrow]

Hey thanks, hopefully in the next couple days I'll have the first 7 chapters posted here too, but it takes a while because the formatting has to be redone. I'm glad you like it and remember to leave me a comment on FF!

[tiltomorrow]

Chapter 3: I'd Come For You

Scotty circled her block yet another time. It was nearing midnight, yet he was still trying to muster up the courage to walk up to the door and knock. As he passed her house, trying not to slow down too obviously, he noted that in spite of the late hour, the light in the living room was on. He still didn't k now what the hell he was planning to say to her. How could he summarize the feelings of the past few months – years maybe – of worry, affection, and desperation, in what could only be a surprise, late night visit.

Or maybe it wouldn't be a surprise. Maybe Lilly was expecting him to visit. Maybe she was feeling exactly what he was and wondering why the hell he hadn't done anything about it yet. Because Lilly was perceptive. She was a detective for god sakes, probably the best one on the squad, so there was no way she hadn't noticed what was going on between them. And the only possible reason – that he could think of anyway – that she hadn't call him out on it, and given him the ass kicking of his life, was because she… was just as confused and overwhelmed by these feelings as he was.

Suddenly feeling a wave of courage and chastising himself for the lack thereof before this point, Scotty parked his car with conviction, hurried up the front door and knocked softly.

When she didn't answer, Scotty leaned in and pressed his ear to the door. He could hear her TV droning on and sighing heavily, called her name, "Lil?" Still no answer. Getting just a bit frustrated, Scotty spoke into the door again. "C'mon Lil, I know you're in there. Its Valens."

Still getting no answer, Scotty tested the doorknob, and – to this shock and amazement – found in unlocked. Pushing open the door, Scotty stepped into the doorway and took in his surroundings.

Lilly's house was warm, a faint orange light glowing from various lamps. It was decorated with paintings and wall mountings that were not overly fancy, but perfect for someone who was rarely home, and needed that touch of home when she was. This personal side of Lilly was so rarely visible that Scotty had to spend a few seconds looking around. In fact, he was pretty sure he'd only been in her house twice before, both in untimely circumstances. Once because she'd almost thrown her career away for a guy, and another time – more recently – because her mother had died. But now, now Scotty was here, not as the uncomfortable coworker, but as a man who wanted so much to help her, and to hold her, and to somehow communicate what he'd realized in the past few hours – that he loved her.

Scotty was so mesmerized by the personal side of Lilly that he rarely got to see, that he didn't even notice where she was at first. But then he saw – and the sight made his heart melt because it possibly the sweetest thing he'd seen in a long time.

Lilly was lying on the couch, fast asleep, one arm drooped over the side of couch, the tip of her fingers just barely brushing the carpet, and the other hand unconsciously clutching the simple, but elegant necklace she wore around her long, ivory neck. The TV was playing in the background, tuned to one of those mindless late night talk shows and she was dressed in a pair of cotton pajama pants and a tank top. With her on the couch, there were two, very alarming looking cats, whose names he'd heard were Tripod and Olivia from a disgruntled Vera who had once described in great detail Lilly's 'freaks of nature' after being forced to feed them. The white one, who had only three legs and whose name Scotty inferred was Tripod, was curled around her feet. The other, orange tabby, was sitting on her stomach, fixing him with a one eyed gaze he got from Lilly all the time.

Deciding that the mystery of her cats should be saved for another time, Scotty turned off the TV and wondered whether he should wake her up. Tripod and Olivia gave him a look that clearly said, don't you dare wake her up, you – intruder, don't you know this is the first good night's sleep she's had in ages?

Of course I know, Scotty wanted to reply, but not only did he realize the ridiculousness of talking to cats, he recognized that if he didn't wake her up, and she woke up on her own and saw him hovering above her, she'd, well, kick his ass out the door and halfway to China.

Before he could act though, Lilly was disturbed by something in her slumbering state. The look on her face was suddenly terrified and she murmured, "no … stop, don't shoot me…" Turning abruptly onto her side, the cats jumped off and were instantly tugging on Scotty's pant leg. This time their look conveyed, well are you going to let her stay in there? Wake her up God damn it!

But Scotty had acted without the prompts of Lilly's scary cats. Years of experience dealing with Elisa's nightmares gave him the knowledge of exactly what to do. Sitting on the edge of the sofa, Scotty grasped both her shoulders and shook her as gently as he could. "Lil. Wake up. C'mon, you're safe. It's a nightmare, Lil!"

When she finally awoke, Lilly sat bolt upright and looked around frantically, searching for the service weapon she'd left on the table. It was a moment before she noticed Scotty sitting next to her, and before she could wonder whether or not she was still dreaming – a much better dream though – he reached out and wrapped her in a bone crushing hug.

Scotty paid no attention to the healing wound on her shoulder, because he knew the pressure would help. Even if she couldn't breathe, she'd know he was here, he was real, and she was not in that place her nightmares had put her. Pressing a kiss to her soft golden hair, he whispered endearing words of comfort, "I'm here, Lil. You're okay. Everything's okay."

At first Lilly was shocked, her mind not being to work past the fact that Scotty was in her house, let alone enveloping her in such a tight hug. And then she heard the words he was murmuring into her hair. He wasn't denying her pain, like her mother had. He wasn't using her fears to psychoanalyze her childhood issues, like Joseph had. He wasn't trying to distract her, like Ray had. He was simply holding her, and doing his best to make it better the only way he knew how.

Suddenly feeling a rush of gratitude, Lilly collapsed and let her chin fall onto his shoulder, returning the hug and closing her eyes. It didn't matter why he was here, it didn't matter that no one else had ever seen her vulnerable before because – for now at least – Scotty was somehow managing to take the pain away.

Scotty felt a wave of relief wash over him as Lilly leant into his embrace, instead of fighting him like he'd expected her to. He didn't know how long he sat there, just holding her, occasionally pressing a kiss to her hair, and muttering whatever words came to mind. But soon, altogether too soon in his opinion, Lilly was pulling out of his arms and fixing him with a quizzical gaze.

"What are you doing here, Scotty?" Her voice was still shaky, but returning slowly returning to its normal timbre that made doers confess after all those years.

Crap. "I, um, you're door was unlocked Lil'"

"That's not what I asked you." She replied without a beat.

Double crap. "I just wanted to make sure you were okay." The response sounded lame even in his head and Lilly seemed to agree.

"I'm fine, Scotty." She said, obviously annoyed at being asked the question that so many were thinking. Abruptly, she stood up and walked over to the door, pulling it open for him and waiting for him to leave.

Getting the hint, Scotty stood up. Today's just not the day, he told himself. But then he realized that this was exactly what she'd done that day he came to her house after she'd pretended to be sick. She'd opened the door for him, given him an out. But what if I don't take it?

Walking over to her, Scotty took the door from her hands and shut it quietly. "Lil, I – we, God, I just wanna make things easier for you. Trust me, I get it. Not wanting to talk to people. I mean, I practically wrote the whole damn book on avoidance. But what they say is true, Lil, it helps."

"What helps?" she replied harshly, her voice completely devoid of emotion.

Scotty wondered briefly how she did that. How she could switch so easily between Lilly and Detective Rush. One minute she'd been clinging onto him for dear life, not quite crying, but occasionally letting out a chocked sob. And now she had slipped behind a mask that hid the side of her he'd seen a few minutes ago. Wish I could do that, Scotty thought ruefully because all he wanted in that moment was to pull her back into his arms and pretend it was all okay.

Breaking out of his brief reverie, Scotty realized Lilly was expecting an answer. "Talkin'"

Rolling her eyes at him, she crossed her arms and said, "I do better not talking."

Sighing again, Scotty longed to rub her shivering arms, "You been different, ever, since… that night. Just tell me, Lil." He pleaded with her.

"Tell you what?" Her tone was evasive, and characteristic of someone who knew their interrogator was getting close.

"What's been going on with you."

"Scotty, it's really none of your business. I'll remember to lock the door next time, don't worry."

"Lil, it is my business. It's my business cause I care about you, way more than I should. I, care about you Lil." He shot her a significant glance and in that moment, he knew that she knew what he meant by, I care about you.

"Leave. Now, Scotty."

"No" He took a step closer to her, "Not til we talk."

"Get out."

"No."

"Scotty…"

"Lil' …"

"Fine!" Lilly suddenly snapped. "You wanna know what's been going on? I haven't had a good night's sleep since the shooting. I'm always having nightmares, panic attacks. Do you honestly think the nightmare you woke me from today was the first? I don't sleep in my room anymore, because the curtains are gray and it reminds me of the observation room. Loud noises scare me. People dropping things, damn kids popping paper bags, hell even doors slamming sometimes. And I… I don't know what to do."

Lilly turned around and leaned her hands on the back of the couch, her breathing ragged from the repressed words that finally came spilling out. For his part, Scotty was stunned. For months, he wished she'd open up to him and tell him everything. But he had no idea that – everything – had gotten so bad. And now he had no idea what to say. "Lil…"

But she saved him trying to figure out what the hell he could do because she obviously wasn't done. Spinning back around to face him, she continued. "And you know what else happened to me? You. You happened to me. Because on top of all of this, today I realized that I – care about you – too. Way more than I should. But there's no freakin way I can do anything about it because I can't lose you as my friend."

The anger and frustration finally dissipated from her voice and Scotty found an opening to speak. "Oh Lil. This … whatever this is … it could work if we just gave it a chance."

But before he could continue, Lilly closed the gap between them and captured his lips in a hot, desperate kiss and all logical thought was swept from his mind. Holy mother of… he never knew kissing her would feel this good and this right. Spinning around and pinning her to the wall, Scotty felt her hands slip lower to toy with his belt.

All of a sudden, the logical thought pierced through the rest of his senses. This isn't right. Not for your first time. If you take advantage of her, she'll never forgive you. Sighing inwardly, Scotty broke their kiss and ordered his libido into silence. "Lil. No. We can't… not like this."

Lilly paid no attention to his protestations and continued to run her hands over his body. She lifted his shirt slightly, feeling his taught abs and kissing him desperately again. Knowing that if he didn't stop her soon, he'd have no chance in hell, he grasped both her wrists and yanked them away, holding them up above her. "Lil… I'm not gonna take advantage of you." I love you too much for that.

He saw the frustrated look in her eyes, accompanied with a flash of pain, presumably from her shoulder, as she fought his hands. But he didn't let go, not until he was sure it was safe. At that moment, Lilly realized exactly what she was doing, which was practically – no, completely – throwing herself at her partner, and in a second, she slumped against the wall and ceased her attempts to continue taking off his pants.

Sensing her defeat, Scotty gently let go of her wrists and placed them on either side of her. Her next words shocked him, and broke his heart at the same time.

"I'm sorry Scotty." She hated sounding needy, hated sounding weak and tired, but at that moment the will to continue standing on her own left her completely. "But I-I need you." Looking up into his eyes briefly and returning them back to the ground, she continued, "Could you, maybe, just… love me just for tonight?"

Her words knocked the wind of him. Love. She'd said it. The words they'd been tiptoeing around all night and replacing with 'I care about you'. Gently lifting her chin and making her meet his eyes, Scotty leaned in and gave her the most reverent, tender kiss he could muster as a response to her question. Nah, Lil. I can't imagine loving you for any time shorter than the rest of forever.

But as they stumbled towards the bedroom, shedding clothing as they went, all logical thinking evaded both their minds in a love filled haze of lust.

[stillmanfan]

I've also read this on ff.net...

[tiltomorrow]

I know a lot of people have read this on FanFiction.Net, just posting it for anyone who hasn't...

Chapter 4: Leave Out All The Rest

It was a little while later – it may have been hours, or just seconds – but neither Scotty nor Lilly knew, nor had the desire to know, as they collapsed on her bed in a sweaty, panting heap. Scotty tried to articulate how much she meant to him, how beautiful she was, and how insane he was about her.

What he could get out of his mouth, "God, Lil…", seemed way too insignificant for the places they'd just been together.

"Mm?" She asked. Scotty grinned when he saw that Lilly's mind was no more coherent than his.

Turning around and wrapping an arm around her waist, Scotty wanted to hold her close, press soft kisses to her golden hair and whisper endearing things until the morning. But to his chagrin, he found his eyelids drooping and the stress of the past few weeks finally seeping into his bones. Eyes fluttering shut, he tightened his hold on Lilly, buried his head in the curve of her neck and let a small smile cross his face as he drifted off to sleep.

Lilly could feel Scotty's frantic heart beat slowing against her back and his breathing even out into slow, deep breaths. After a few minutes, when she was fairly sure he was asleep, she raised her head slightly to glance at the clock. 3:12 AM. The glowing digital lights reminded her how close it was to the morning, and how much work she'd have to put in, covering the dark circles under her eyes when the time came.

Sighing in frustration, she knew that though her body was completely spent, in every way, and yet there was no way she was getting any sleep tonight. Not with the events of that night swimming around in her already crowded mind. Cringing slightly, recent memories of sounds and expressions made in the throes of passion filled her mind and Lilly knew she couldn't be around Scotty and expect to think straight at the same time.

Throwing her legs out of bed and wincing slightly at the protest of overused muscles, Lilly picked up a shirt that had been discarded and was hanging over a lamp, slipped it over her shoulders, and padded toward the kitchen.

A few minutes later, she was huddled comfortably in a cozy niche near the window, both cats curled in her lap, clutching a cup of hot tea. Leaning her head against the cold window, Lilly reflected on what had happened that night. Somehow they'd gotten from a night at the bar, to makeshift walls crumbling in her kitchen, to… the bedroom. Silently, Lilly cursed her inability to keep her personal life separated from work. There was Kite, and then there was Joseph, and now there's Scotty.

Scotty isn't like the rest of them. Lilly reminded herself softly. And at this thought, Lilly couldn't help but allow a smile to cross her face. Scotty definitely wasn't like the rest of the men she'd dated and just the thought of the way he looked at her sometimes made her heart melt.

But… starting something with Scotty, her partner, her best friend, was definitely what Vera would call ill-advised. It would mean putting her career on the line if this – whatever this was – crashed and burned. And it would mean putting herself on the line. Her heart and her pride and all the little things she kept buried away for all those years. All of that risked being exposed, wounded, and … loved.

Her head snapping up, Lilly felt the imaginary clouds above her head clearing. That was what was missing in her life, love, and she wanted Scotty to fill the gap. Because she trusted him, because over the 4 years they'd worked together, he'd somehow pushed his way past the iron clad walls she kept around her and he wasn't sorry, nor was he turning back. In the heart of hearts, she knew she wanted Scotty in her life, but how to tell him? That was another issue all together.

Stirring slightly in his sleep, Scotty felt around for the warm body of none other than Lilly Rush, hoping to catch a few more minutes of slumber before they were officially called for duty. Maybe more than a few minutes. He thought happily as he realized that they'd worked through Saturday on the last case and a glorious Sunday stretched in front of them. As novel and different curling up with Lilly was, nothing had ever felt more natural or more wonderful.

To his alarm though, his arms met not with the beautiful blond he expected, but cold bed sheets and – if he wasn't mistaken – the black bra he'd torn off of her mere hours before. When he saw a light in the hallway, he decided to investigate what Lilly was doing awake at… 4:30 in the morning. Scotty tried – and failed – to locate his shirt and settled pulling on his boxers and venturing into the kitchen.

Immediately, the mystery of his shirt was solved. There it was draped over Lilly's thin shoulders, the light blue appearing almost white in the light from the streetlamps. Deciding right away that Lilly looked far better in the shirt than he did, Scotty walked up behind her, not sure how to disturb the quiet, faraway look on her face.

And then he remembered a conversation they'd had a few weeks ago. If you need me, just say hey. And she definitely looked like she needed him.

"Hey." He said. Probably a bit more loudly, and a bit more abruptly than he wanted because her start of surprise didn't escape him.

"Scotty," She breathed a sigh of relief. " Don't… sneak up on me like that."

"Sorry." He hastened to apologize. "Whatcha doin up so… early?"

"Couldn't sleep." She replied shortly.

"Yeah, well. Me neither, not without you there." He shot her a flirty grin and hoped to wipe the slightly worried look off her face by reminding her of … everything that night.

Unfortunately, Lilly was in no mood to be distracted. There was something she had to say. Something she had to make clear.

"I've… gotta tell you something Scotty."

Sensing her serious mood, Scotty crouched down beside her and said. "Aythin, Lil." Tell me everything.

"We've been, toeing the line, for a lotta years now Scotty. But tonight, we, God, I can't believe we…"

"Jumped the line and left it in the dust?" He offered.

Chuckling slightly, Lilly continued, "Yeah. And well…" She patted the spot in front of him and indicated he sit down opposite her. "I think, you and me, we could be something Scotty. We could, I mean maybe, we could give this a shot and maybe it would end up somewhere good. And I… really need good, Scotty." Realizing that she was rambling now, Lilly ordered herself to shut up and looked down at the patch of upholstery between them.

Deeply touched by her words, Scotty reached for her hands and was relieved when she didn't pull away. "I wanna be with you Lilly. And when I'm with you… all I wanna do is make you happy."

For the first time that night the full force of The Lilly Rush Smile filled the room and made it seem like morning. "So, Scotty. Do you wanna… I mean, should we…"

Seeing where Lilly was going, Scotty silently reprimanded himself. You gonna make her do all the work Valens? And picked up where she left off. "Would you like to go out with me sometime, Lilly Rush?"

"Out? Like in public?" Lilly's dear in the headlight look told him that that was not where she was going.

Scotty frowned, "Well yeah, Lil. I mean, we got all day."

All day. Lilly couldn't remember the last time she had a whole day ahead of her and didn't dread the flashbacks her unoccupied mind would give her. With Scotty though, a full 24 hours seemed almost blissful. "Where would we go?"

"I dunno, dinner, or a movie." Scotty observed Lilly's unimpressed look. "A walk along the shore line watching the sunset?" He offered, only slightly joking.

Lilly couldn't help but laugh, however there was something she hadn't said yet. Something she had to be totally honest about, and something that she was sure Scotty would be opposed to.

"Scotty." Lilly's joking demeanor had suddenly completely disappeared. "I gotta tell you something else as well."

Scotty frowned, "You breakin up with me Lil?" Again, only half joking.

"No, no" She quickly responded. "It's just that… I'm a private person. And you… you are definitely not."

"I get it, Lil. You wanna keep this under wraps."

Lilly smiled in relief. He understood, just like he always did, and even if deep down inside he didn't, for her he was pretending like he did. And that's all she needed at the moment. "Yeah, Scotty. I just don't want everyone to know about this – before we even know how it's gonna go."

They exchange a look that says a million words without a sound. It's a look about where they both want this to go, how they can only hope it will go that way and an acknowledgment that they no longer have control over it. So Scotty says the only thing he can think of. The only thing he hopes will assuage her fears that were ever present, even when they were hidden under that brilliant smile.

"No one has to know."

[tiltomorrow]

Chapter 5: Home

When they looked back on the next few hours of that night, neither Scotty nor Lilly would remember much about it. Between the fatigue of being up until sunrise and the emotional weariness that got the better of both of them, they hadn't said much more.

After their discussion Scotty had tentatively stood up, grasped Lilly gently by the hand and led her back upstairs. They slipped into bed, both too exhausted to talk, and Scotty reached over to switch off the bedside lamp. When the room remained illuminated, Scotty sat up in surprise.

"What the…" He looked around the room suspiciously.

From her horizontal position on the bed, Lilly giggled, "It's dawn Scotty." She gestured toward the rays of sunshine peeking through the curtains. Glancing at the disbelieving expression on Scotty's face, Lilly got up and pulled the curtains closed, then climbed back into bed as quickly as she could.

Lying back down and rolling over to kiss her, Scotty mumbled. "No it ain't. I'm still tired so it's still night."

Lilly laughed out loud at his childish, endearing attitude and Scotty smiled into the back of her neck.

"What?" She asked.

"Just nice to hear you laughin'." Scotty replied simply.

Turning in bed to face him, Lilly wrapped an arm around his neck and kissed him slowly and deliberately. Then she looked over his shoulder, at the expanse of gray that pulling the curtains closed revealed. She frowned, remembering why she usually didn't sleep in here anymore.

Scotty immediately sensed her discomfort. He leaned over, knowing instinctively what she was thinking, kissed her brow to remove the frown and whispered. "We'll change the curtains Lil."

And that was all they needed to fall asleep.

------------

A few hours later, Scotty awoke and inhaled the sweet, intoxicating scent that was Lilly's shampoo, Lilly's pillows, and Lilly's... wait. Were those cats? He opened his eyes fully and found that the soft thing he'd buried his face in wasn't a blanket or a pillow. It was a cat. A three legged cat giving him the most ferocious cat glare he'd ever seen. Her orange counterpart also stood between him and Lilly, forming an impenetrable wall of feline.

Scotty frowned and continued to look wearily at the cats. He knew they were doing their best to protect their beloved owner. In fact, they'd probably witnessed the Kite, Ray, and Joseph debacles, and were now resolute and determined to protect Lilly. "I ain't gonna hurt her." He reassured Lilly's cats.

Olivia and Tripod only hissed. So much like Lilly's common reaction to people invading her personal space. And with that, Scotty began pondering the relationship between Lilly and her cats. Olivia's missing an eye. Tripod's missing a leg. Lilly's missing… what? Lilly was so guarded that Scotty didn't really know a lot about her past. Except what he learned from Christina and the things she'd let slip in passing, unawares of a breach in her walls.

He remembered a cold night more than three years ago, during one of their very first cases together. Toya Miles. Bruises and butterflies. Throughout the case, Scotty had remained stoic in his belief that while Rosie had made mistakes, she wanted the best and loved her little girl. When they left the precinct that night, Lilly had surprised him with her sudden bitter and unforgiving tone.

"Unwanted kid. Mom runs out of food stamps, makes an excuse for why there's no dinner tonight. Oh, and uh, no breakfast either."

"You tellin' me not once did you feel … some kinda love?"

Lilly had dodged his question, putting on an icy mask and diverting the topic back to the case. She'd suggested they take Rosie home tomorrow and Scotty knew that was all he was getting out of her tonight. He knew that the survival instinct kicked in and Lilly was suddenly, horribly aware of everything she'd said.

That night when he got home, Scotty had pulled an album from a box in his closet that he had not yet unpacked. He'd spent hours flipping through one dusty album after the other. Gazing at picture of him and Mike, of his parents, Ramiro and Rosa, and he remembered being suddenly filled with an overwhelming sadness for Lilly, and all she'd missed out on. This was back before he'd even known what she'd grow to mean to him, and even then his heart had gone out to her. He couldn't imagine not being loved as a child, and convinced himself that it wasn't as bad as she made it out to be.

The only other thing he knew about her was from the few weeks he was caught in Christina's web of manipulation. Being completely lost after Elisa's death had rendered him unsympathetic to the pain he was causing Lilly by stepping out with her sister. Even when Chris tried to explain what happened between the two sisters, Scotty had cut her off. He told himself then that it was because he respected Lilly's privacy and that what went down between her and Chris was none of his damn business. But later, when the haze of pain cleared, Scotty knew it was because he didn't want to know anything that would make it hard to be with Chris. If he knew the reason their relationship was hurting Lilly, he'd know the extent of the damage he was doing.

And it would be too hard.

Now though, Scotty could analyze the things Chris had tried to tell him without being overcome by guilt and he knew that there was not much to the story. Her fiancé of 9 years ago was just another betrayal, aggravated by the disloyalty of her own sister. And that was all he knew about her past. Betrayed so many times she didn't know who to trust.

Snapping out of his completely ill timed torrent of thoughts, Scotty looked up to find Lilly's cats looking appeased. Almost like they'd sensed the memories he'd just been through and were convinced they'd be enough to warn him off of hurting Lilly. They stepped aside, removing the barrier between him and Lilly and allowing him to put his arms around her. In that moment, after receiving the blessing of her cats, Scotty swore he'd never ever do anything to break the fragile heart she'd inadvertently entrusted him with. Then, he drifted off to sleep once more.

------------

It wasn't until a few hours later that Lilly awoke. Raising her head to glance at the clock, she was surprised to discover it was past 4 PM. She and Scotty had been asleep for … almost 12 hours. Lilly gazed over at – her partner, boyfriend? – and felt warmth flood her heart. She leaned over and pressed a kiss to his lips until his eyes fluttered open.

"Mm. Ain't that a nice way to wake up…" He whispered against her mouth.

"I'm hungry." Lilly replied. And she was, famished in fact.

"Me too." And the look in his eyes and the way his hands began to roam her body told her exactly what he was hungry for, and it wasn't food.

"Scotty!" She swatted his hands away. "I'm actually hungry, for real food. And besides," she pouted, "you promised me a date."

"I did, didn't I?"

"Yep." Lilly replied cheerfully.

"Then I guess we better get outta bed, and take a shower, and get dressed, and go out…" Scotty trailed off, clearly indicating how much work that would be.

"Ugh." Lilly flopped back down onto the bed and registered her unwillingness to do that much movement. "Or we could stay here."

"Finally, you see the light."

"But I'm still hungry." She insisted.

"I'll cook for you." He offered.

She raised her eyebrows incredulously. "I don't keep food in my fridge Scotty. You're never gonna be able to rummage up dinner."

Leaning in for another kiss, he replied, "Never say never."

------------

Twenty minutes later, Scotty and Lilly stood at the door of her refrigerator. Lilly, dressed in pajama pants and a cotton long sleeve, watched carefully for Scotty's reaction at the contents of her fridge. There was a collection of old takeout containers. Ranging in age from a few days up to… Was that? Yeah two weeks. That made up the bulk of her fridge, along with a bit of cheese and ham that she occasionally fed to her cats, a six pack of beer and a few jars of tomato sauce.

"What's the tomato sauce for Lil'?" Scotty asked, curious. After all, it was the only non takeout or ready-to-eat food in her fridge.

Lilly shrugged, "Tomato sauce is easy to heat up."

Straightening up, Scotty shut the door and turned to Lilly. "How do you feel about pizza?"

Grinning, Lilly replied, "Told you so." She reached for a stack of take out menus. "Pizza Hut, or Domino's?"

Placing a hand over hers to stop her, Scotty chuckled. "Oh, we ain't orderin' pizza Lil, that's way too easy."

His lopsided grin gave her pause and she considered the meaning of his words. Her eyes widened in shock. "No way Scotty. That oven hasn't been turned on since I moved in."

"Then maybe it's time we give it a spin."

The look on his face told her he wasn't backing down on this. He told her he'd cook for her, and that was damn well what he was going to do. Lilly acquiesced, but informed him grimly, "Fine, but just so you know. I can't cook. And I mean it, not even breakfast, and here you are, in my kitchen…"

Scotty cut her off before the nervous rambling got the best of her. "Don't worry. I'll show you how it's done. Grab some flour, a measuring cup, the cheese, tomato sauce and ham."

As Lilly scrambled to gather the ingredients he needed, Scotty preheated Lilly's oven and cleared the counter of files from work.

"Watch." Scotty added some water to the flour and began to knead the dough into a perfect consistency.

Lilly looked on, curious about the man she really only saw in a suit and tie, who was now, not just in her kitchen, but putting it to use for the first time in years. From behind, she wrapped her arms around his waist and laid her head on his back.

"You do that, I won't be able to finish our dinner Lil." Scotty informed her jokingly. All of a sudden, he had an image of himself spinning her around, pressing her against the counter, and having his way with her. Dinner be damned until… The grumble of his own stomach and the desire to impress Lilly interrupted his lascivious thoughts and he extricated himself from her arms, making room for her at the counter.

Lifting up the now circular dough, Scotty spun their dinner around in the air before expertly catching the base of their pizza. He laughed at Lilly's wide eyed look. "You wanna try?"

Lilly tentatively lifted the dough and attempted a halfhearted toss, resulting in their dinner coming about 3 inches from the floor, before Scotty caught it with a grin.

"Just takes practice" He reassured her.

A few minutes later, when the tomato sauce and cheese had been added to the pizza, Scotty turned to her and asked. "So what toppings you got, Lil?"

"Toppings?" Lilly stared back. "You've seen the inside of my fridge Scotty, that's about it." She paused, then handed him the chunk of ham. "You could use this, but the cats might scratch your eyes out."

"Well, we already took their cheese. Maybe we shouldn't traumatize 'em too much."

"You're probably right." Lilly responded, clearly amused.

"The pizza just won't be right without toppings Lil!"

Lilly laughed, the open, beautiful kind of laugh that can make someone's entire face light up. "You're too high maintenance, Valens."

"What are you talkin' about?" He shot back.

"Oh, real nutmeg in the coffee, toppings on pizza."

"That ain't high maintenance, Lil. It's food."

The words slipped out before Lilly could stop them, "Well in my family. Cooked was whatever was spinnin' under a lamp at the 7 – eleven. So…" She turned away, embarrassed.

Scotty sighed, slid the pizza into the oven and smiled at her. "Cheese pizza will be fine." He commented quietly, as he brushed a lock of golden hair out of her face.

------------

A while later, Scotty leaned back on Lilly's couch. A pizza cooking in the oven. Cold beer in his hand. Lilly next to him… this was really turning out to be a good date. He wasn't sure who had suggested they watch TV, but as they flipped through Lilly's DVR, the tension of a visit from Lilly's past melting by the second, Scotty felt a sense of being… home.

"What do you wanna watch?" Lilly asked, folding her legs under her and glancing over at Scotty.

Scotty looked at the list of shows Lilly saved for later and laughed. "Criminal Minds? Seriously Lil?"

It was Lilly's turn to go on the defensive, "What?"

"They're cops." He replied. "You, you are what them profilers would call a creature of habit."

"It's a good show." She protested. "And you obviously watch it too."

"Only sometimes." He shot back. He listed some of her other shows. "And Law and Order? CSI?" He grinned, making his point clear.

Before Lilly could come out with a clever comeback, the oven dinged and Scotty got up to get their dinner, flashing her another flirty grin. Nice goin' Valens. Scotty 1, Lilly 0.

When he got back though, they both dug into their dinner, all thoughts of what was playing on TV forgotten.

"Oh God, Scotty…" Lilly trailed off, taking another huge bite of pizza.

"Good?" Scotty grinned "Imagine what I could do with proper ingredients."

Lilly didn't know if she was just starving, but this was definitely the best pizza she'd ever tasted. "Thanks." She smiled. Pausing, she added, "You've got tomato sauce on your chin."

And she leaned over and slowly licked the sauce from his chin, raising her eyes to find that his had darkened with lust.

"I'm not done my pizza yet Valens!"

[tiltomorrow]

Chapter 6: In Your Own Way

Monday morning dawned bright and early. Too early for Scotty and Lilly who'd spent most of Sunday night… not sleeping. When being in bed finally turned to actual sleep, it was nearly dawn. They slept right past the alarm she'd set – and the back up one on his phone. It wasn't until the shrill tone of Lilly's phone filled the room for the third time that she finally awoke.

"poo poo!" She exclaimed, knocking over a glass of water as she reached for her cell. All professionalism forgotten, she answered it. "Yeah? What?"

"Um, Lil?" Her boss's quiet, tentative voice on the other line startled Lilly. "You plannin' on comin' in today?"

"Yeah of course, Boss." She glanced at the clock. It was almost 10 am, she was usually in the office by 8:30. "Oh! Sorry, sorry. I'll be there as soon as I can."

"And Lil?"

"Yeah, Boss?"

"Could you give Scotty a call?" His voice was suggestive, as if he knew exactly where Scotty was at the moment, but he really really didn't want Lilly to confirm it.

All of a sudden Lilly's heart was beating faster. Apparently, the first test at keeping all of this a secret would fall on her. Hoping that her voice would not give away the fact that the man in question was currently, forbiddingly, lying next to her, Lilly steadied herself by leaning on the edge of the bed. You can do it, Rush.

"He isn't in yet?" Lilly asked. She hoped the feigned innocence was enough to deceive her boss. "And yeah. I'll call him."

Hanging up the phone so as not to arouse anymore suspicion, Lilly frantically shoved the lump that was Scotty Valens. "Scotty!"

He mumbled in his sleep. "Toast and eggs…" Then turned around onto his back, still completely oblivious to the world and the unusually late hour.

"What?" Lilly was momentarily confused.

"Breakfast…" Scotty continued to mumble.

For a moment, Lilly just stood there and smiled, caught in how adorable the moment was. When Scotty was asleep, the tough façade was cast away, and what was left was just pure Scotty. The Scotty who was still a child at heart and wanted nothing more than toast and eggs in the morning to be happy. Lilly wanted to get back into bed, hug him, and then make him the toast and eggs he craved. But unfortunately, this was definitely not the time. Duty called, and like it or not they had to answer.

"Who's making you breakfast?" Lilly yanked the sheets off of Scotty's sleeping form. "We're late, I'm going to take a shower."

Scotty sat up and rubbed his bleary eyes. He registered a blond form disappearing into the washroom with a hasty order of "And clean up that water."

Making his way over to the washroom, Scotty pressed his ear to the door and confirmed that the past few moments wasn't part of his dream. He raked his hand through his hair, groaning when he saw that the water on the floor was also real. Then he saw the clock and swore mightily.

Scotty hurried into kitchen and picked up a roll of paper towels to clean up the offending water Lilly had mentioned. He then looked around the bedroom, which after two nights of their use was in complete disarray. They were late. This was bad. He and Lilly were usually the first ones in the office. For them to both be late on the same day… it would definitely create suspicion. And the others, Vera especially, would definitely not let that go easily. Them coming in together though, not to mention Scotty being in his clothes from Saturday, would definitely be pushing their luck. Decision made, Scotty decided to leave a note and go to his house to pick up some clothes, hopefully staggering their arrival times.

As he leaned against Lilly's kitchen counter, chewing on a piece of left over pizza. He wondered how this should sound. Ain't like she's gonna read it carefully. And Scotty knew that was true. In fact, Lilly looked so harried that she'd probably bolt out of the door without noticing his absence. Still. His mind insisted that he make it clear he hadn't left her.

Lil,

Going home to get some clothes. I'll see you at work.

Scotty paused. What now? From Scotty? Too formal. Love Scotty? Too alarming and way, way too early for someone like Lilly. He settled on – Scotty, then paused and added a note. P.S. There's left over pizza by the microwave.

And with that he turned and left Lilly's house.

------------

20 minutes later, record time for Lilly, she was fully dressed and sweeping her still wet hair into a pony tail. She walked into her bedroom, smiling happily when she noticed that Scotty had been conscious enough to hear her frantic request that he clean up the water she spilled.

"Scotty?" She called into the hallway, fully expecting to see his almost clothe-less form, wandering aimlessly in her kitchen.

But she was met by silence.

All of a sudden, Lilly felt an unexplainable, irrational, shot of fear pierce her veins. Had he left? Without so much as a goodbye? After everything they'd been through together that weekend, she'd expected at least an apologetic sentence about how this weekend was great, but they couldn't do this.

No damn it. That's not what she expected, she corrected herself. She expected him to still be here.

Her breathing slightly panicked, Lilly reached down to stroke her cats, who had wound themselves around her feet.

"Where is he, girls?" Lilly asked, not at all expecting an answer.

The look the cats gave her was easy to read. He left, Lilly. Just like all the rest of them.

Lilly walked into her kitchen, deathly quiet after the hubbub of last night. She immediately noticed the note on the table and when she read it, relief flooded her heart. Childish, naïve relief that screamed of old issues. But for that morning, it was enough to make her say to her cats.

"See? He's just gone to get some clothes. And… he left me breakfast."

Lilly picked up their delicious pizza and left for work. Lilly 1, Cats 0

------------

Vera took in his colleague's slightly frantic and sheepish expression as he burst in the doors of the precinct. Face breaking into a wide grin, he nudged his partner Will Jeffries and the two of them prepared to give the younger detective some hell.

"Late night Valens?" Nick's gravelly voice drew attention to Scotty's arrival.

Scotty immediately went on the defensive. "Why do you care?" He asked suspiciously. No way Vera was hinting at - what he thought he was hinting at. Or if he was, it wasn't about the woman he was thinking about. Right?

Nick rolled his eyes, as if he shouldn't have to explain, "If you met some hot chick, we expect you to share. That's why we care. So spill it Valens. Why do you have sex hair?"

Damn it. He knew there was something he'd forgotten. Scotty smoothed down his hair, and Vera pounced on his silence.

"He did! Oh come on man, details. Was she good in bed?"

Suddenly irritated, Scotty retorted sharply, "Ain't any of your business Vera." He looked toward Jeffries for help.

Now Jeffries was all for friendly teasing, but this morning he sensed something was different. Scotty Valens, who used to brag about his women, or informants as he called them, whenever he could, was suddenly being defensively secretive. That could mean one of two things, that he was just seriously annoyed with Nick and hadn't had his morning coffee or... he'd met someone too special to talk locker room talk about.

Will Jeffries took another look at Scotty's face. It was filled, not with annoyance laced with anger and fatigue, but with worry and panic. Worry and panic that could only come from hiding a secret that was about to be exposed. Suddenly, the older detective knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that Scotty Valens had met someone. Someone special that made his head spin round.

"Lay off Nick. Let the man be in peace." Jeffries knew that Scotty hadn't been in a serious relationship that made him this happy since the Elisa mess that left him inebriated half the time and angry the other half. And he wanted nothing, especially their meaningless teasing, to ruin whatever happiness Scotty had found.

Scotty sighed in relief. The last thing he wanted to talk about was the amazing weekend he had, lest he give away a vital detail… like the identity of the woman.

Just then, Lieutenant Stillman stepped out of his office, looking grateful at the brief reprise from paperwork. "So Lil got to you, Scotty?" He commented casually.

Scotty spun around and sputtered. "Lil? No I haven't seen Lil. What are you talkin' about boss?" His heart was racing in his ears and he quickly racked his brain, trying to find out when he'd screwed up and let the cat out of the bag in the 10 minutes he'd been in the office.

Stillman looked confused. "I told Lilly to call you." He spoke slowly and clearly.

"Oh, right. She must've missed me." Scotty replied, feeling the heat creep up his cheeks and the scrutiny of his colleagues, hoping against hope that Lilly would pop out of nowhere and corroborate his story.

"Hey Scotty. Tried to call you this morning." Lilly walked in through the door, locking away her gun, looking completely unperturbed. "Mondays are a b*tch." She added, as an explanation for her and Scotty's lateness.

Lilly looked around the room, her colleagues and boss still frozen with shock. "What?" She asked.

"You're never late, Rush." Vera explained. "I mean you practically live here."

"Hey, I got a life." Lilly retorted.

"Yeah right." came Nick's sarcastic response. "What d'you do this weekend then?"

The conversation suddenly more interesting, Scotty chimed in. "Yeah Lil? What d'you do?"

Lilly was saved from answering by Kat Miller, who had sauntered into the room carrying an evidence box and was disgusted to find that they were questioning Lilly Rush instead of doing their jobs. "Hey! Anyone notice we got a case?" She asked to no one in particular.

Relieved, Lilly jumped at the chance to work. "What do we got?"

Lilly tried in vain to calm her racing heart as Kat began to explain the case. "Holly Wilder. 17. Found dead in Harlem, single shot to the chest, right around Christmas of 02."

"Any leads?" Scotty asked, thanking god he was switching back into detective mode.

Jeffries replied, "Original theory was a drug deal gone wrong. The corner she was found on was known drug territory." At Scotty's questioning look he added, "Some of us of us were here on time."

"But Holly came from Chestnut Hill, straight A's, honor student. The drug theory went nowhere." Vera continued.

"Then there was the boyfriend. Wayne, somethin' or other, Simms. Wayne Simms. Nothin' much on him, just a shady character." Kat informed the team. "Refused a comment the first time around."

"Only reason someone does that…" Lilly began.

"Is cause they got somethin' to hide." Scotty finished.

Having heard enough, Stillman informed the team of their game plan. "Vera, grab Kat and see if the boyfriend is more forthcoming today. Will and I will see if we can get her medical records and autopsy. Scotty and Lil why don't you guys go talk to the parents. Let them know we're reopening the case"

"How did this case get dug up anyways?" Scotty asked. He saw no evidence of a new lead that they hadn't had in 02.

Vera looked at Kat. "Someone, got bored this morning and decided to go digging through cases, found this one she liked." His grinn spoke of both amusement, and admiration for the woman who dedicated every spare moment to finding justice to give.

"She wanted to be a prosecutor, Nick. And besides, December of 02, most of Philly's cops were focused on that serial rapist hittin' universities. No one gave this case a fair shake."

"Maybe now's the time." Lilly added, her blue eye filled with determination.

------------

Scotty and Lilly walked out of the Philadelphia Police Central Department and as they entered the parking lot, Scotty reached down and linked his fingers through Lilly's. They'd gotten through the first morning. Definitely not as gracefully as he would have liked, and more than once they'd seemed way too close to the edge, but all in all, nothing lost.

She looked up in surprise, "Not now Scotty." She warned quietly. They had to be more careful. The case would keep them busy for a few days, but at the next open opportunity, Lilly knew the team would be scrutinizing their every move.

"No one can see us." He promised, but he refrained from kissing her as they walked out in the open.

The moment they slipped into the car, their lips met and Scotty's hand tangled in Lilly's ponytail. "You're so beautiful." He told her honestly. As a response, she loosened his tie just enough to kiss the base of his neck and Scotty let one hand drop to her hip.

Sighing heavily, Lilly rested her forehead against Scotty's, their lips a few inches apart. "We can't."

"I know." He replied, but he continued to run his hand over her body.

"This is the department's car."

"Yeah…"

"We better stop, Scotty."

"Then you better stop lookin' at me like that Lil"

And with that they broke apart, both panting, both wanting more, both knowing this was neither the time or place. Thoroughly frustrated, Scotty started the car and pulled out of the parking lot. Due to his characteristically fast driving, they were at their destination within 10 minutes.

Lilly walked purposefully toward the Wilders' front door, the feelings of the last few minutes completely buried, and rapped loudly. A middle aged woman answered the door. "Yes?"

Within a few minutes, Scotty and Lilly were seated together on the Wilders' sofa, deciding what would be the best way to approach the subject. It was never easy, the role of informing the loved ones, being bystanders to the kind of heart wrenching pain that comes from losing someone close to you. Being out on the line made you witness to the shocking, stinging pain that felt almost violent. Lilly had never been able to prevent herself from feeling that along with the families. Even when her old partner, Ben Fulcrum, had stressed NHI, she couldn't help but hold Patrick Bubly in her arms and close her eyes against the shock of the emotions overtaking her.

When she found her niche in the homicide department, cold cases, Lilly had hoped she'd be exempt from those kinds of experiences, but no such luck. Reopening cases years old only served to dredge up memories long ago buried, but equally painful. Over the years the entire team had learned to dread this part of the investigation, but Lilly knew it was this that would keep her going over the next few days.

Mrs. Wilder spoke up first, "You must be here about Holly." She smiled kindly. "Just ask."

"We wanted you to know that we're takin' another look at your daughter's case." Scotty said, all business.

"Why?" Mr. Wilder barked. "You people didn't care then. All you saw in my Holly was a girl who died on the drug corner. Just another worthless druggie, right?"

"Ignore him." Mrs. Wilder said. "I've come to peace with Holly's death. My husband hasn't quite managed it yet."

"The goddamn Philadelphia police didn't even look into Wayne Simms. He's the one who killed her, I know it." His rough voice in contrast with his wife's timid one.

Lilly jumped in, "Why do you say that?"

This time Mrs. Wilder spoke, and Scotty and Lilly were surprised at the angry tone her kind voice had suddenly taken. "When Holly started dating him, she'd always come home… hurt. Once I had to take her to the hospital. Three broken ribs. But no matter what we said, she wouldn't stop seeing him. By the time she died, we barely saw her at home anymore…" She trailed off sadly.

Lilly and Scotty exchanged a significant glance, all of a sudden feeling a new level of sadness. It would have been different if their victim had been a victim of opportunity, but Holly had struggled before her death. There was an entire, heart wrenching story for them to uncover. On her left, Scotty squeezed Lilly's hand, and the simple gesture gave her the strength to smile at the obviously still grieving parents.

They stood up to leave. "We'll look into it." Lilly handed the couple a card, "Call us if you remember anything else."

------------

The team's interviews and forages through hospital politics took most of the afternoon and by the time all six of them returned to the precinct, the sun was setting and they were the only ones left.

"Well that was a complete waste of time." Vera exclaimed as he sank into his desk chair. "Did you guys know that there were 14 Wayne Simmses in Philly?"

Equally tired, Kat leaned against the wall, "We went through 6 of them. None of them remember dating a Holly Wilder."

Lilly was eager to share the information they'd learned, "The parents say Wayne liked pushing Holly around." She raised an eyebrow at Vera and Miller, "So maybe you'll have to track down those 8 other Wayne Simmses."

"Medical records confirm that," Jeffries added, "Numerous hospital visits in the months leading up to her death." His voice was heavy with emotion, and the entire team knew what he was feeling.

It was Scotty who voiced it first, "takes a special kinda jackass to beat up on his girlfriend."

"Well unfortunately, those special kinda jackasses exist around every corner." Kat informed him cynically. Trust Scotty Valens, the baby of homicide to get angry at this kind of thing when it happened all the time. Not only did jackasses beat up on their girlfriends, they got them pregnant, then left them...

He didn't mean to say that, Kat told herself, he doesn't know about Jarrod Jones.

As a wrap up to the conversation, Stillman said, "I think we'll have a lot to go on tomorrow. Someone's gotta stay and write up those reports, but I think the rest of us can call it a night."

The entire team shot meaningful looks at Scotty and Lilly, who chuckled and volunteered to stay. When the last of their colleagues had left, leaving only the two of them, Scotty sank down into a chair and pulled Lilly into his lap.

"Long day," he said, kissing her on the forehead.

"Yeah…" she replied, clearly exhausted. "We better get started on this paperwork."

He nibbled on her earlobe, "or we could go to my place." Scotty raised his eyebrow suggestively.

Standing up and walking over to her desk, Lilly replied, "not until we get this done. Holly's waited long enough."

They worked in silence for a few seconds, then after hearing Scotty's latest sigh of disappointment, Lilly spoke up, "If you don't do that for the next hour while we finish this. I will give you all the sex you want when we get to your place."

Scotty's face broke into a wide smile. This, this was certainly a side of Lilly that he had never ever in his life seen before. In all the years they'd worked together. He'd seen fear, that night in the attic with George. He'd seen sadness, when her mother died. He'd seen sheer panic, when she was cornered by Ed Martenson. And on a daily basis, he saw happiness, determination, and more recently he'd seen helplessness. But outwardly flirty? Never.

Her words made him go through the work with a renewed zeal and for the first time he could remember, he finished before Lilly. He stared across the table at his partner – his girlfriend? Her head was bowed, and she was focused on the task at hand, leaving Scotty completely free to take in the beautiful site. Te amo Lilly. He thought to himself, dreaming of the day he would be able to say it out loud.

[tiltomorrow]

Chapter 7: All At Once

The next few days passed in a blur of fruitless interview that left the entire team beyond frustrated. After the first day, they'd had no breaks in the case despite late nights at the office. It wasn't until Thursday morning that Vera finally put down the phone, triumphant.

"Finally got the full toxicology report on Holly Wilder," He said, leaning back in the chair and rubbing his tired eyes. "Absolutely no history of drug use, even before her death. Seems like the parents were right."

From his place buried under what seemed like miles of records of past arrests at the drug corner their victim was found, Scotty spoke up. "Girl wasn't ever arrested for trafficking either. Clean record."

Lilly sighed, the more they dug, the more they confirmed what the parents had maintained all along. Holly was a good girl who got caught up with a bad boy. It was always harder when their victim was completely innocent. No one deserved murder, but there were victims no one felt any sympathy with because they themselves had screwed up so bad that they'd signed their own death warrant. There had even been times where sympathy lay with the doer, but this was obviously not one of those cases.

"Got somethin'." Kat called from where she'd been seated in front of the computer for the last 4 hours. "One of our Wayne Simmses was booked on three possession and trafficking charges, once from that same corner."

"No way. Ain't got no Wayne Simms over here." Scotty said, clearly annoyed.

"Well check again, sleazy lookin' guy in a red baseball cap." Kat retorted. Inwardly, she fumed. There was no way Valens had gone through all those arrest records, not enough to definitively disprove her claim anyway. What the hell was wrong with him?

"You mean this guy?" Scotty held up a mug shot that matched Kat's description.

"That's right genius, how d'you miss that?" Kat said sarcastically.

"Hey, he didn't give the police a name and charges were never laid." Scotty claimed in his defense.

"Ain't that why you're a detective?" Kat shot back without missing a beat. When she and Scotty continued to stare at each other, the frustration of the past few days clearly getting to them, she looked toward Vera for arbitration.

Hoping to diffuse the situation, Vera stepped in. He was not used to being the one trying to calm tempers. In fact, he and Valens were the ones who butted heads the most often. Save for maybe him and Miller. "Time for No Drugs Today." He said, smiling widely. "Can't make Simms come to us, gotta go to his turf."

His statement was met by eager amusement from Scotty and Will, and confusion from the two women.

"No Drugs Today?" Lilly asked. "What are you talking about?"

Jeffries was the one to answer. "We camp out in front of a known drug dealing corner and wait for our person of interest to come to us. Usually they break in half a day, after we've turned away all their customers."

Understanding fully, Lilly thought of the day she and boss had driven by a drug corner, and laughed when they saw Vera, Jeffries, and Scotty, sitting on the corner, sipping lemon slushies despite the cold weather and trying to get their suspect to turn up. When they'd rolled down the window to talk to them, Scotty had jokingly informed them that he hoped Philly's finest weren't looking for a fix and Vera had complained about the lack of cherry slushies.

Kat snorted in derision, "Sounds stupid. Just waitin', aren't we supposed to chase after justice?"

Nick raised his eyebrows at her. "Oh you got no idea. Other than the damn cold weather and lack of marshmallows for s'mores, nothing gets a druggie faster."

"Fine. Let's go." Kat said, grabbing her coat. "You in Lil?"

"Definitely. I've been hunched up in this chair for the past two days." She also stood and reached for her jacket.

"But… " Vera stuttered, trying to figure out a way to say this in the most non-offensive, harmless way possible. Hopefully a way that wouldn't get his ass kicked. "No Drugs Today… is kinda a guy's thing." He said carefully.

Immediately, Kat leaned a hand on her hip while Lilly paused, halfway through putting on her scarf. Both women fixed with him a stare that would usually have made him back down, but there were marshmallows and male gossip at stake for God's sake. Frantically, Vera looked toward his male counterparts for some support.

Taking one look at the falling snow outside, Jeffries said. "Miller can take my place. It's gotta be below 0 out there today. Besides, boss has been bugging me to learn how to use that thing." He gestured toward Kat's computer.

"Dude" Scotty said. "You can't use the computer? That's like, rookie tech stuff."

"Scotty, when I first joined the force, everything was done by hand. Those fancy gadgets came by later," Jeffries replied wearily.

"World had to wait for the 70s for me," Scotty bragged. "I was practically born with a computer."

Suddenly an idea hit him. If Lilly, Miller, and Vera went on No Drugs Today, and Jeffries was busy catching up with the 21st century. That would give him the rest of the day off. Perfect to arrange a little surprise he'd been planning for Lilly since the first night they were together. Eagerly, he agreed. "Lil, why don't you go out on the street with Vera and Miller."

"Great." Lilly agreed, shooting Scotty a look of thanks. In all her years, she'd always been known as the one who dug through old cases or had a knack for getting confessions. Being out on the street, not just for an interview, provided a level of danger and action that she had to admit, she missed about her days on the line. Of course, there was no greater satisfaction than putting old cases to rest, but like any police officer, she missed being out there with the world.

Of course, Scotty felt that desire probably more than any of them. Lilly remembered from his first few days in cold cases, wondering when he'd be allowed to prove his worth and join the big boys in homicide. Lilly had been offended at first, but her new partner had settled nicely in with them, in time learning to love his job just as much as she did.

Usually though, Scotty relished the occasional chance to be out there, and was the first to volunteer for jobs like this. Perhaps him passing it up had to do with him freezing his nuts off last time, as Vera had gleefully reported. But Lilly refused to think that he was letting her go due to their recent – extra curricular – activities.

Looking up and pushing the thoughts out of her mind, Lilly was met by Vera's look of indignation and shock.

"What the hell, man?" He demanded of his two male colleagues. Staring back and forth, Vera wondered grimly how he got stuck between two of the most, %#$%ly, women he knew. This was going to be a long afternoon.

------------

Lilly cursed as she hugged her coat more closely around herself and shivered in the cool November air. How had she let them confuse her into thinking No Drugs Today, was some sort of glamorous task? Here she was, standing out in the cold for more than three hours now, occasionally flashing her badge at a jonesing addict to let them know that they couldn't get a fix today, their suspect nowhere in sight. She sighed heavily and looked over at her arguing colleagues.

"Don't you learn this kinda stuff in boy scouts, or wilderness camp or somethin'?" Kat demanded of Vera. It had been three hours, three freaking hours and the idiot hadn't figured out how to start a fire in that rusty old garbage can yet.

"I was a hockey player." He informed her bitterly. "Valens was the boy scout. He usually takes care of this sort of thing." Kicking his bag of unopened marshmallows, that he'd saved and cherished just for an occasion like this, Vera tossed the matches at Kat. "Think you're so clever? You try. Bet you can't even light a match."

"I can birth babies, I'd like to see you try that. Now put your white ass to good use and make a fire before me and Lil freeze to death." She informed him icily. Kat then walked over to where Lilly was standing.

"Maybe he was right about this bein' a guy's thing." Kat complained, not that she'd ever admit to Vera that she was suffering out here. She'd been shot for God sakes, given birth to a child in the back seat of a taxi; she should be able to take a bit of cold.

Lilly unstuck her chattering teeth to respond. "I don't know, but I do know that I would kill for the largest Triple Americano I can find right now. You and, uh Vera, doin' okay over there?" She glanced over at her male colleague, a pile of used matches at his feet, cursing quietly under his breath.

"Well we would be if the fat ass could get the damn fire started." Kat replied. "I can't believe I agreed to this. You know, Valens and Jeffries probably knew about this. That's why they didn't want to come. When I get back to headquarters, hauling Wayne Simms with me of course, I'm gonna give them a piece of my mind and they will never…"

The rest of Kat's words were lost in a gust of wind that sent chills all the way down to Lilly's bones. She shrugged helplessly at what no doubt would have been a formidable threat. Looking behind her at the building that Wayne Simms undoubtedly dealt his drugs from, Lilly had half a thought of busting in there, No Drugs Today be damned and apprehend the suspect herself.

"I'm sure Scotty didn't mean to." She said quietly. With a start of surprise, Lilly realized that she'd inadvertently defended the man she was sleeping with. She glanced over a Kat, hoping her offhand comment could be brushed off as nothing more than partnerly loyalty or that she hadn't been heard at all.

"Since when is Valens the most trustable person ever?" She asked quizzically. "If anything it's Will that deserves the benefit of the doubt."

Damn it. She should have known, Kat never misses a damn thing.

Lilly racked her brains for an answer, "He's just… not the kind of man who would leave us out here in the cold on purpose."

"Then what kind of man is he?" Kat asked, raising her eyebrows at the squirming detective next to her.

"How am I supposed to know?" Lilly snapped. "Let's just… go help Vera with that fire before we catch hypothermia okay?" And with that she walked toward the safer, less perceptive male detective.

Kat stared after Lilly, suddenly alarmed at this dramatic change in character. Since when has Rush thought so highly of Valens? She asked herself silently. And more importantly, why the hell was she dodging her questions and acting so oddly. Thinking back to this morning, Kat felt the puzzle pieces falling together. Valens' disheveled appearance, Rush's feigned nonchalance and defense of Scotty Valens. Lil and Scotty?

No way. Uh uh. No freaking way. Cold must be gettin' to you. Kat told herself, but she resigned to watch the two of them more closely from now on. Hunches like this of hers usually turned out to be dead on and she'd be damned if she let the story of the century escape her.

------------

Scotty nervously approached Jeffries and his boss, wondering how best to ask for a few hours off amid the chaos of a new case and a new lead. But he really needed to. Lilly and him had been together almost every minute of the past few days, which was wonderful, but gave him absolutely no time to carry out his surprise. This kind of opportunity was rare, and Scotty was determined to seize it.

"Boss?" He asked quietly.

"What's on your mind Scotty?" Stillman could tell when one of his detectives was nervous, and most of the time it had to do with making a request they believed was exorbitant. He put down his pen and fixed Scotty with a kind look.

"I, need a few lost hours." He said, praying that Stillman wouldn't ask him why. He had a story about his sick mother requesting his help, but he preferred not to use it. "And I figured that as long as we got nothin' to do here, I could take them now and…"

"Scotty, you've got enough lost hours saved up to take off from now til the summer." Stillman informed him gently. In fact, it pleased him when his detectives recognized their own need for sleep and rest every now and then.

Scotty hastened to add, "I could come back when they bring in Simms, help with the interrogation?" But he crossed his fingers, hoping that boss wouldn't take him up on his offer. He needed to be home when Lilly got home for this to work.

"That's okay, me and Will can take care of the interview. I'll see you tomorrow morning, alright Scotty?"

"Sure thing boss" Scotty replied eagerly. Within seconds, Scotty was hopping into his own car and driving off toward the nearest department store.

------------

"Vera. A wind like this, you're never gonna get that thing started." Lilly informed her annoyed colleague. "Might as well huddle up and save your body heat."

"Valens always manages it." He said simply. If Scotty freaking Valens could start a fire, then he surely could.

"Well then why don't you call him?" Kat suggested sarcastically as she approached the two of them. She acted as though the suspicious exchange between her and Lilly from a few minutes ago hadn't happened and Lilly smiled in relief. Oh, it ain't over Rush. She thought inwardly.

"Yeah" Lilly chimed. "Doesn't make you any less of a man." She said smiling, knowing now that there was no way Vera would ask anyone for help. She remembered once saying the exact same thing to Scotty, back when he was only her partner, which resulted in him making a point of not shivering in a cold warehouse.

Instead of the sarcastic comment Lilly expected though, Vera stared at the sidewalk across the street and said, "No need, we'll be out of here soon." He pointed at a tall burly figure currently making his way menacingly toward them.

"Oh thank god" Lilly groaned. Finally.

"Hey! What the hell are you guys doing?" Their suspect yelled angrily.

"Lookin' for you." Kat replied. "Wayne Simms, you are under arrest, for the murder of Holly Wilder. You have the right to remain silent…" With a strength that neither Lilly or Nick knew Kat possessed, she hauled their struggling suspect, who was at least a foot taller, toward the car.

As Kat continued to rail off their suspect's rights, Vera turned to Lilly. "Told you this would work." He said gleefully. "You two should be thanking me for getting him."

"My hero." Lilly cooed sarcastically. And she would have said more if she wasn't so cold.

[tiltomorrow]

Chapter 8: Just What I Needed

Scotty pushed a squeaking shopping cart through their local Wal-Mart, at a complete loss for where to go. He was looking for curtains. The perfect color that would chase away the fear that consumed Lilly every time she stepped into the bedroom. With him by her side, that fear had been slightly reduced, but still… Scotty remembered that night he'd forced her to talk about it.

Lilly had yelled at him that she didn't sleep in her room alone anymore because her gray curtains reminded her of the walls in the interrogation room. She knew it was irrational, the color gray existed everywhere, but for some reason, she'd fixated on the curtains as the source of all fear. Scotty knew she was now comfortable participating in interviews in the same room she'd been shot, but there was just something about the curtains.

Scotty knew he couldn't fix all the pain and fear that comes from being shot, nor could he possibly fathom what it was like without being on the receiving end of a bullet himself. But he could fix this. He could surprise her by not feeling sorry for her, or judging her, but by simply making it better.

Smiling ruefully, Scotty realized that shopping was definitely not his forte. His apartment had been decorated by Elisa and furniture was something he had never had to buy. Scotty realized suddenly that he was wheeling his cart through the sports section, looking wistfully at a Sixers jersey, as though he didn't have three others at home. Mentally chastising himself and heading in the opposite direction, Scotty reminded himself that he was here for Lilly.

In a few minutes, Scotty was finally in the right department. He needed to find something special, something Lilly, and something that would clearly communicate how much he cared about her, when he wasn't sure how to say it aloud. Who knew there were so many different colors to choose from? How the hell was he supposed to find the right one?

And then his eyes settled on the perfect color. Somehow, among the kaleidoscope of colors and designs, he found the perfect one. Smiling at his genius, he called for help and handed an employee the dimensions to Lilly's windows that he'd gotten last night when she was sleeping.

All he could do now was hope that Wayne Simms hadn't shown up yet and Lilly wouldn't get home before he could finish this.

------------

An hour later, Scotty was arriving at Lilly's front door. That was where he realized that there was a major flaw in his plan. He didn't have a key to her house, and short of breaking in had no way to get to her bedroom and replace the curtains. He considered picking the lock, but decided against it because it would just make Lilly feel unsafe in her house. If he could get in, anyone could and that was the opposite of what he was trying to achieve.

Scotty stepped back into her driveway and raked a hand through his hair. How had he not anticipated this problem? And more importantly what was he going to do now? Staring at the precious cargo in the back seat of his car, Scotty knew he was going to get in there, somehow, even if he had to climb up the roof and go in through the chimney like Santa Claus.

Suddenly, Scotty had an idea and walked next door to Lilly's neighbor's house, knocking loudly. A few seconds later, a young boy of about four years old answered the door, "Yeah?"

"Hey champ. Is your mom home?" Scotty asked in a friendly voice. Hoping that maybe Lilly had entrusted her key to her neighbor.

"Mommy! There's a guy at the door" He yelled into the house, then in a scurry of footsteps, he was gone. And in his place, a kindly, but tired looking woman took his place.

"Can I help you?" She asked, clearly confused.

"Hi. I'm detective Valens. Or Scotty and I – well." He wondered how best to explain the situation. "I was wondering if you had the key to the woman's house next door. I need to get in."

"You're a cop, can't you just kick the door down?" The woman asked with a smile on her face. "Or are you not here on police business?"

"I…" Scotty faltered, wondering if Lilly would mind if her neighbor knew the truth about them and decided that she would. "… kind of can't tell you." He said sheepishly.

The mysterious woman nodded, then stepped into her house and closed the door. Scotty wondered if she'd gone to call the police to warn them of a mysterious idiot trying to get into Lilly's house, but a few seconds later, she emerged, carrying a small silver key. Together they walked back to Lilly's front door and she let Scotty in the house.

"I'm Alexandra by the way, or Alex. Lilly left me her key to come feed her cats every once in a while. And she likes hanging out with my kids." She turned to leave, then said. "Hey Scotty?"

"Yeah?" Scotty looked back.

"Take good care of her, okay? That girl deserves to be happy, all she does for the world."

Scotty just nodded.

------------

"Stupid Ed Martenson." Scotty muttered as he stood in Lilly's bedroom. He didn't know why, nor did he know how, but he had been staring at Lilly's curtains for over five minutes now, overcomes with anger and frustration. He wanted to yell and maybe hit something, to blame someone for everything that had happened to Lilly, but he knew there was no one here to blame, maybe no one anywhere to blame.

No one except him.

Scotty sat down on the edge of her bed, facing the window, and buried his head in his hands, the anger bleeding out and being quickly replaced by sadness. He was the one who hadn't understood her cryptic signal to shoot. He was the one who had shot a moment too late. He was the one who had let him shoot her.

Damn it. Lilly had needed him that night, more than ever before. She'd even called for his help. Called his cell phone, told him where she was, and said hey. She'd given him all the necessary tools for him to help her and he'd failed. That was the only time he could remember that she'd called for help.

And then there was after. Lilly had been struggling, he knew it from the first morning she came back to work and jumped when some idiot dropped an evidence box. He should've stepped in then, he should've cornered her and made her admit everything. He knew it was the only way to make it better. But he'd chickened out. He'd seen her untouchable attitude and immediately backed off, not even trying to help her. It wasn't until months later that he'd finally decided to man up and by that time he'd left Lilly to her demons for just that long.

What the hell is wrong with you? Scotty asked himself. How could he not answer her plea for help? Unspoken though it was. He spun around, his hands clenched in a fist, and leaned against the foot of the bed. His knuckles were pressing against the hard wood and he knew it would leave a bruise that he'd have to explain later. For now though, the sharp pain in his hands took away from the ache in his heart.

Standing up suddenly and looking at the drapes with distinct hatred, Scotty grasped the soft material in his hands. He was still shaking with anger. His knuckles protested with the movement, but he didn't care. In one fluid motion, he yanked as hard as he could, breaking the wooden bar the curtains were held up with and tearing them down. Reaching blindly for more fabric, he felt tears sting his eyes as he tore at the source of his and Lilly's pain again and again. And in a few minutes, he was surrounded by torn curtains, the sunshine hitting his face and making him close his eyes against the warmth. He was panting, still overcome with emotion, but he couldn't help but hope that maybe tearing down these curtains would be the first step to tearing down the pain that they both carried with them everyday.

------------

It was about four o'clock in the afternoon when Lilly, Kat, and Nick had returned with their suspect. His breath stunk of alcohol, he was angry, aggressive, and everything he did screamed of abusive scumbag. When they got back to headquarters, the three of them had been in such an irritated mood, both from the cold and the company they'd spent the car ride with, that Will had shot Stillman a look. Send them home. We got this. Stillman had taken his advice and immediately told his three other detectives to pack up their things. Naturally they'd all wanted to stay, but acquiesced when they saw the determined looks on Will's and the boss's faces.

It was because of this that Lilly found herself unlocking the door to her house at the early hour of five in the evening. She honestly couldn't remember being home at such a normal hour for a long time now. Stepping in the door, Lilly was about to reach for her phone and call Scotty, who hadn't been at the precinct when she returned, but she smiled when she saw him – passed out on her couch.

She sat down at the head of the couch, running a hand through his dark hair and waiting for him to wake up. She gently kneaded his tense shoulders, trying to erase the small frown that adorned his handsome features. When his eyes snapped open, Lilly was surprised to find that they were not filled with happiness, but dark with grief and sadness. She frowned as he sat up and pulled her into so tight an embrace that she was unable to breathe.

"Oh Lil," He whispered into her hair. And his voice sounded hollow, lost. Lilly knew that this hug wasn't for her, and that he was trying to work something out in his head. She didn't say anything. She simply let him hug her to his chest.

"I'm here." She said. "Are you okay?"

She's here. Scotty told himself. You didn't screw up as badly as you thought. You couldn't have because the woman you think you failed is here, in your arms, alive and well, not pushing you away. His voice heavy with emotion, he replied, "yeah."

Then Scotty stood up and took her hand, "I got somethin' to show you," he said quietly. And together they made their way upstairs.

When Lilly stepped into her bedroom, her jaw nearly dropped to the floor and she was speechless. Scotty had... replaced her curtains. Letting go of his hands and walking as if in a trance up to the window, Lilly examined the product of Scotty's work in the last few hours.

"Scotty…" she breathed. "It's beautiful." And she wasn't lying. The curtains he picked out were dark blue, matching her sky blue walls perfectly. A criss crossed pattern of blue sequins, the exact same shade of her eyes, adorned the soft fabric. When she turned back around to face Scotty, there were tears in her eyes. "Thank you."

Scotty smiled sadly, "I figured it's the least I could do. Since, well, I'm the one who screwed up and started this whole mess."

Lilly knew the road he was going down. She'd been seeing it in his eyes for the past few months. It was a road of self hatred and incrimination that she'd also been a victim of more times that she could count. Lilly wished she'd had the guts to confront him about it before. But now she could do something for him, just like he'd done something for her. Stepping close in front of him and taking his face firmly between her hands, Lilly looked into his eyes.

"Listen to me Scotty." She spoke quietly but definitively. "What happened to me was not your fault and everything that happened because of it wasn't your fault either."

Damn it. She was good. He hadn't explicitly said anything, but she knew, knew without even asking about the dark place he'd gone. Unable to meet her eyes any longer, Scotty took her wrists and pulled his face out of her grasp.

"I could've saved you," he said brokenly, "but I didn't. You called for my help and I didn't…"

"You did save me." She replied quickly, "he would've killed me if it wasn't for you."

"I know, I know." He said. And he did know, logically, that Lilly had benefited from his presence that night. But that didn't take away from the guilt he was feeling, and he struggled to explain this to Lilly. "After, when you fell, I caught you, and you were just starin' at somethin' far away. You didn't hear me yellin' for the paramedics, but it was the longest minute of my life Lil. I was tryin' to stop the bleedin' and worryin' that I was hurtin' you all at the same time. And then in the hospital, I spent the night pacing in the hallways, covered in your blood…" He trailed off.

Suddenly, Lilly knew what he was saying, and why he'd grabbed her and hugged her so tightly the moment she walked in. Reaching for him again, Lilly kissed him fiercely. This kiss wasn't about love, it wasn't about desire, it was just to show him she was still here.

She broke their kiss only when the need for oxygen became overwhelming and looked back into his eyes. She frowned when she saw that his eyes were still dark with worry and kissed him again.

"What are you doing Lil?" He asked, confusion etched on the face that Lilly adored, the face that seemed to have grown years older in the past few months.

"I'm here." She said simply. "I didn't die, I didn't leave. I. Am. Here." She intoned. "Everything's alright now."

This time he was the one who leaned in to kiss her. "You are simply amazing Lil." She didn't blame him for what happened, and even though she was the one who got shot, here she was, comforting him. To Scotty's horror, for the second time that night, he felt tears fill his eyes. You a woman all of a sudden? He asked himself.

"I know." She said smugly, hoping that he had finally seen the light. "Who's fault was it that night?" She asked him.

"Not mine." He replied, "Not mine. Not mine. Not mine. Not mine. Not mine…"

And neither of them knew if he was reassuring himself or her.

[tiltomorrow]

Chapter 9: This Everyday Love

Later, Scotty and Lilly lay in bed together, enveloped in each others arms. They'd eaten dinner in companionable silence, and exhausted with the emotion of the day, they'd decided to just lie in bed. The melancholy mood of the past few hours was not forgotten, but overcome. They'd both acknowledge each others worries and fears, and somehow they'd come through to the other side, clutching each other and panting, but whole.

"Tell me one thing?" Lilly requested quietly.

"Anything." He smiled. And he realized that at that moment, no matter what she asked, he would've gone to the end of the earth to give her it because like she said, she was here.

She glanced fondly at her new curtains, the blue sequins glittering just a bit in the moonlight peeking through a crack. "Did you do that, just because you felt guilty?"

Scotty considered her for a second. Guilt. That had definitely been a part of it. When she'd confessed to him one of her fears, he'd been both consumed with guilt and riddled with a desire to make it better. He'd adopted that super man routine, abandoned work, and gone to Wal-Mart. But was that it? Deep down Scotty knew it wasn't, because even if he hadn't believed the shooting was his fault, hearing Lilly's fears would still have made him want to fix them.

"Nah." He replied. "I figure that since you're my girl and all…"

"Your girl?" She repeated, eyebrows raised. Her face tinged with both amusement and a bit of nervousness. Was he implying, what she thought he was implying?

"Well, not my girl. That's not what I meant." He hastened to explain, "I mean obviously, you're not mine, mine. You're you, totally independent and…" Scotty stopped, suddenly aware of the deep hole he was digging himself into. He trailed off into silence, listening to the enchanting sound of her laughter. "Be my girlfriend Lilly?"

Girlfriend? That single word carried more weight than anything they'd done so far. Girlfriend meant more than just sex, it meant a commitment, from both of them, and it meant a whole hell of a lot of things that Lilly didn't want to think about. It meant that if they broke up, there would be more pain and if they didn't it would be more wonderful. Lilly also knew that being with Scotty made her feel happier and more secure than she had in a long time. Being with him, lying in his arms at night, was something she wasn't willing to give up.

"Ok." She agreed.

"Ok?" He asked. "Just like that?" He'd expected her to put up a struggle. He'd expected the prospect of labeling what this had become to send her running for the hills. He'd even expected to have to plead his case, all to get her to admit what they'd become. But for her to give in without a fight? That was new. That meant she must be feeling this as much as he was.

"Yeah, Scotty. I mean, we haven't spent a night apart since last Saturday. Your clothes are all over my apartment, and mine all over yours. Tripod and Olivia like you, you changed my curtains, and you made me pizza." Joy flooded her heart as she realized that everything she was saying was true. Scotty had truly become in a presence in her life.

Smiling and pulling her closer, Scotty knew that in that moment he had everything he could want. Reassurance that he hadn't failed his girlfriend, and reassurance that said girlfriend, was willing to be his girlfriend.

Lilly had one more question. "Tell me something else?" She asked.

"Mhmm?" Scotty replied.

"How did you get into my house?" Lilly knew that she kept her doors and windows locked. It was a habit she picked up growing up on the dangerous streets of Kensington, where leaving your house penetrable was practically begging to be robbed.

Scotty was startled. In the emotion of that evening, he'd nearly forgotten the interesting exchange with Lilly's neighbor. "Alex let me in. The mom next door? Said she had your key to go over and check if your cats were fed every once in a while."

"My boyfriend and my neighbor bonding, I don't know how I feel about that." Lilly commented jokingly. Alex was one of her closest friends, well as close as friends could be when someone worked hours like hers.

"She has cute kids." Scotty said, just making light conversation now. "Says you like hangin' out with them." In the back of his mind, he saw Lilly with the adorable little boy barely as high as his knee that he'd met this afternoon. It was truly a beautiful site, and Scotty smiled once more as love flooded his heart.

"4 year old boy and 10 year old girl. Danny and Alice. They think my job is cool and they like playing with the cats." Lilly said, somewhat wistfully. The truth was, being with children at the end of the day took away some of the horrors her job presented her with sometimes. Sometimes being with the most innocent of people could help you convince yourself that all of humanity was like that.

"You ever think about havin' kids Lil?" Scotty asked casually. Then he mentally slapped himself. What was he thinking? Talking about kids with Lilly, who'd just reluctantly admitted to being his girlfriend. That was dangerous territory. Dangerous, cut and run, territory that he did not want to trek into, not tonight at least.

But to his surprise, Lilly simply replied honestly, "No."

Scotty's heart sank. He'd asked, but he hadn't wanted an answer like that. He'd wanted the common female answer, gushing and admitting to wanting a dozen. Scotty knew he shouldn't have expected a normal answer from Lilly Rush of all women, but he couldn't help but hope. Because he did want kids, he wanted a dozen, someday.

So lost was he in his maelstrom of thoughts, that he missed the continuation of Lilly's answer, "I've never thought about it."

Scotty sighed in relief. So there was hope that Lilly would want a normal life. Whether she'd ever want one with him? Well that remained to be seen, but Scotty was so over the moon at her agreeing to be his girlfriend, that he'd already subconsciously started picturing an entire life with her.

He turned around in bed in order to hold her closer to him, he wanted to tell her he loved her. He wanted more than anything than to declare her the love of his life, but he knew that even if deep down she did feel like that, there was no way in hell her brain would know it yet. So instead said, "Me neither."

Scotty ran a hand through Lilly's cornsilk blond hair, splayed beautifully on the pillow. At that moment, his bruised knuckles chose to remind him of their mistreating this afternoon by throbbing painfully. Despite his best efforts, he couldn't help the grimace that crossed his face. He knew Lilly had noticed, she was a detective, one of the best, and she never missed a thing.

"What's wrong?" She asked, the concern evident in her voice.

"Nothin' Lil" Scotty reassured her, leaning in for a kiss. But Lilly would not be distracted. She removed his arms from around her neck. The blue and purple patches stood in stark contrast against his skin. Maybe not so much as it would have on her own pale skin, but Lilly could see them nonetheless.

"Scotty… Did you, beat someone up or something?" Lilly demanded. Her blue eyes pierced his, and he knew he had no choice but to tell her the truth. To what degree he told the truth though, that was certainly up to him.

"Yeah, somethin' like that." The look of concern on her face touched him deeply, but all the same he sought to reassure her. "Don't worry. You should see the other guy." A cocky grin painting his features.

"And who would that other guy be? My wall or my furniture?" She asked.

Damn it. There was no use trying to pull the wool over her eyes. "Your furniture." He admitted sheepishly. Thinking back, Scotty felt ashamed of his outburst of anger that afternoon, even if it was only at her curtains. It was illogical, and incredibly stupid.

In an instant, Lilly knew what had happened that afternoon. She, Vera, and Kat had left before lunch to stake out that drug corner and she hadn't returned until late afternoon. That left over 6 hours for Scotty to simply stand in her house, and stew in his thoughts. Lilly knew firsthand the kind of panic that a simple fear could cause when you're all alone, in a quiet place, without anything to distract you from it. More than once, during the dark months after her shooting, Lilly had wondered if she was going crazy. It was Scotty who had saved her from the abyss. He was the one who burst into her life, whether she wanted it or not, held her to him whether she struggled or not, and hadn't taken no for an answer.

Wishing that she could have been there this afternoon to stop him from hurting himself, Lilly wondered how she could help at this point. Another look in his eyes told her there was no need. They'd already dealt with his problems. When Lilly had enveloped him in a fierce hug of her own, she'd accidentally solved the problem that wasn't even completely tangible. Still though, she wanted to make his hand feel better and she knew exactly how.

Lilly have him a very suggestive look, then slowly, tantalizingly kissed his knuckles, suckling on the tender flesh. If it was hurting him, he wasn't letting on because all of a sudden he his eyes had darkened with want and he was flipping them both around. Mission accomplished. Lilly thought smugly.

------------

The next morning, Scotty woke up long before Lilly. He quickly realized that this gave him the advantage of being able to just watch her, and admire her beauty. He didn't know what he'd done to deserve a second chance at loving someone this much, but he silently thanked the universe for giving it to him.

When Lilly awoke, Scotty was caught between wanting to watch the peaceful look on her face as she slept and wanting to see her smile. As if she could sense his gaze, Lilly's lips turned up in the corners and Scotty realized that the latter was decidedly better. They weren't hurried this morning, in fact they had time to spare. Maybe even time for a shower… together of course.

In a few minutes, Scotty decided that he'd surprise her with some coffee, which he knew always made him happy – when it was made right – and shuffled into her kitchen. Lilly had a plethora of instant brew coffees, Scotty noted, and ironically realized that they probably tasted a hell of a lot better than the sludge they passed off as coffee in the office. So intent was he in picking out a brand of coffee, that Scotty didn't notice Lilly follow him into the kitchen.

She threw his arms around his neck, mumbling about which one to make, obviously still half asleep, but wanting to be near him anyways. Once again Scotty's heart filled with love for the woman clinging onto his neck and he longed to tell her about the depths of his feelings, but once again he held back.

The rest of the morning was something out a fairy tale for both of them. Scotty and Lilly took that shower he wanted, fed her cats, even made toast and eggs together for breakfast, which they found they both had a craving for. As they stepped out into the driveway, Scotty got into his car, and naturally – instinctively in fact – Lilly took her place in the passenger seat. It wasn't until they were halfway to the precinct that Lilly realized the flaw in this plan.

"Crap." She exclaimed suddenly, causing Scotty to jump in his seat, lose his grip on the steering wheel, and nearly cause a ten car pile up in the early morning rush hour. "We're gonna show up together."

It took Scotty a minute to realize what she was afraid of. "Oh Lil, it's okay. I'll just say my car broke down, or your car broke down, or somethin'. I mean we're partners."

Lilly was chewing on her bottom lip, clearly still unconvinced, and Scotty offered another alternative, "Or you could drive, and I could walk the rest of the way."

Taking one look at the falling snow, Lilly knew that she wouldn't force him to walk the ten blocks to headquarters, and that that would probably arouse even more suspicion than them arriving together. "It's okay. I have a better idea." She pointed toward one of their favorite coffee joints, "stop there." She instructed.

------------

Twenty minutes later, Scotty and Lilly were walking together into the precinct, arms laden with things to distract their colleagues with. Lilly hoped it would be enough to take the heat off of them for the time being, providing that Scotty didn't…

"Morning everyone!" Scotty yelled exuberantly as he walked into the bullpen. His voice was filled with happiness, and the expression on his face screamed of 'I got laid'

… do exactly that. Lilly cringed. She knew he was trying, trying his damned hardest, to keep this out of the office grapevine, but she also knew that secretive wasn't Scotty's MO, and that that was a risk they had to take. Smiling shakily as Will and Kat looked up from their desks, she suddenly wished they'd brought more than food and coffee.

"We have breakfast." Lilly announced. "Will, your mocha latte."

"Pay you back." He immediately responded, taking the beverage from Lilly gratefully.

"Yeah as if," Scotty said sarcastically, "It's okay, it's on me this mornin'. Your cappuccino with extra whipped cream and cinnamon." He offered to Kat.

"What no spoon?" She complained, but then as Scotty dug around in his paper bag and found one, she had nothing else to say.

"What, no 'thank you Scotty'?" He shot back teasingly, knowing that one upping Kat Miller came very rarely. When she didn't respond, Scotty took her silence as the thing as close to a thank you as possible.

Lilly shook her head and silently handed their boss the black coffee she knew from her days on the line that he enjoyed. In fact, she remembered one occasion especially, where she'd come back from the scene of her triple, grabbed his coffee out of his hand, taken a sip and was startled by its bitterness. But back then Lilly had been too tired and too busy complaining about Vera pawning off his dog calls to her to care.

Just then Vera emerged from the kitchen, clutching his own mug of coffee, undoubtedly from the God awful coffee the department offered. He sputtered in indignation, "Where's mine? You guys are all gettin' coffee on a silver platter from Rush and Valens and I'm stuck drinking this poo poo?"

"One cup of plain old boring ass coffee for you," Scotty said dryly, clearly indicating his disapproval at Vera's uninteresting coffee preference.

"Thanks man." He said, immediately putting down the other coffee. Then he saw the box of doughnuts they'd brought with them and a wide grin filled his face. "Oh, you guys are awesome." He eagerly enthused.

But upon reaching the doughnut box, he found his path blocked by none other than Kat Miller. The woman might be small, but she was scary, and the look he fixated him with gave him shivers. "What?" He asked.

"Oh, I know you're not thinkin' of takin' one of those beauties before I do." She said. Then without another word, reached into the box and extracted her favorite, chocolate glazed doughnut with plenty of sprinkles, and walked away happily.

Vera looked after her incredulous, "There are a dozen doughnuts, what's it matter who goes first?" He asked, but then as he looked into the box, he realized that damn it, it did indeed matter. Kat had taken his favorite one, not that he wouldn't settle for another, but there was nothing like chocolate infused into dough, fried to perfection, then covered with colorful sprinkles.

The rest of the team rolled their eyes. The fight over the perfect doughnut was a long standing one between Vera and Miller. Jeffries wondered idly why someone didn't just buy a whole damn box of the same one already, it would make things easier, though much less amusing to watch.

The jovial mood in the office lasted for the better part of the next hour. With everyone eating doughnuts, drinking good coffee, and teasing each other good-naturedly, Lilly and Scotty practically forgot their mission had been to take the heat off of them and their hidden relationship. Smiling to herself, Lilly looked over at her boyfriend, who was playfully socking Vera on the shoulder, undoubtedly because of some trivial sports disagreement.

Kat sidled up to Lilly, "So you and Valens came in together, huh?"

Lilly immediately began to defend herself, "My car broke down."

"Right…" Kat said sarcastically, and at that point Lilly knew Kat was suspicious, that for some reason, even though it'd been less than a week, that week had had an effect on how both she and Scotty were acting.

So absorbed was she in her own thoughts that Lilly didn't notice Kat was still talking, "So if I drive over to your house, I won't find your car in the driveway, perfectly okay?"

Crap. "No, it's at the shop," Lilly lied, but apparently she wasn't that good a liar because Kat's next words made her blood run cold.

"You know Lil, your house is only like 10 minutes away, and those doughnuts you bought, that's like at least another half hour of eating." Her devilish smile told Lilly the game was up, Kat was calling her bluff.

Recognizing it was time for damage control, Lilly said, "Not now, Kat. I'll talk to you later, okay?"

Seeing the desperation on Lilly's eyes, Kat agreed, "You know it, Rush."

[tiltomorrow]

Chapter 10: Even Angels Fall

Lieutenant Stillman looked around the room at his group of detectives. Lilly and Kat were having a conversation, and the three others were also making amicable chatter. He so rarely saw them all this happy and relaxed that he almost didn't want to make them revisit the case they'd been working, but as Wayne Simms was brought up from lockup, he knew it was time to get back to work.

"Let me go in there, boss," Lilly asked as she observed Wayne Simms, head down on the table in the interrogation room.

"Lil… that ain't a good idea." Scotty said, the concern woven into his voice. Even back when Lilly was only his partner, he wouldn't have felt comfortable letting her go in there with someone so aggressive, but before he had no reason and no way to stop her.

"I can take care of myself, Scotty," Lilly replied predictably. The hard glare she sent Scotty spoke of pure annoyance. She could take care of herself, damn it, like she'd been doing all her life. She looked toward her boss to override Scotty's complaints.

"He has a history of violence towards women," Stillman reasoned. Just like always, he was protective over Lilly, more so than the others. She knew it, everyone knew it. She resented it, sometimes Stillman thought the others resented it too, but damn it there was nothing he could do about it.

"All the more reason to send me in there, it'll throw him off." When the rest of her team continued to look worried, Lilly said. "Come on, I can do this."

"I dunno Rush, you're pretty tiny," Vera said, clearly amused.

As a response, Lilly crossed the room in a step and stopped right in front of her colleague. In a deathly whisper, she said, "You wanna say that again, Vera?"

Crap. He didn't, not when she was looking at him like she was about to hit him. Having never been on the receiving end of Lilly's punches, but a frequent recipient of Kat's, Vera knew that was something he'd rather not experience, "No." He replied honestly.

"Didn't think so," Lilly replied smugly.

In order to stop the arguing, Stillman stepped in, "Fine, but you hear us knock on the window, you get yourself out of there. I don't care if he's about to confess. If any of us think you're in danger, we're pulling you out."

"Yeah, yeah…" Lilly said absentmindedly, taking no notice of her bosses words after he'd allowed her to go in there.

"Rush." Her boss's voice was stern, quiet, worried. "I'm not kiddin' here. Being careful is not an option."

"I hear you boss." Lilly acquiesced, then without another word, she left the observation room. Scotty followed her immediately, while the rest of their colleagues stayed behind.

"Lil." He caught her arm before she could confront their suspect.

"What Scotty?" She snapped, but when Lilly turned around, the look in his eyes took her breath away. He wasn't thinking that she wasn't capable, he was just worried, like any boyfriend would be. Her voice softening she said, "I'll be okay. You know, believe it or not I have done this before."

"I know…" Scotty said.

"So what's the problem?" Lilly asked gently.

Lilly let Scotty draw her close to him, the most intimate they'd been at work since that fateful day less than a week ago, "Just be safe." He whispered in her ear.

"Always am." She replied.

------------

Lilly walked into the interrogation room, feeling the eager butterflies in her stomach that always came from working solo. She knew her entire team was behind that glass watching her. Lilly approached the table where their suspect was sleeping and dropped a stack of folders in front of his face. The loud slapping noise woke him up just as Lilly locked the door with an ominous sounding click.

When Lilly locked the door, Scotty felt a moment of panic, knowing she wouldn't be able to get out as fast if need be, but he pushed his panic aside knowing it was just a scare tactic. She can do this, Valens. He reminded himself again. And you're right out here. That glass can't be too thick, you can probably break it if necessary. When Lilly began her interview, Scotty directed his attention back to the matter at hand.

"Wake up." Lilly said harshly.

Wayne Simms rubbed his eyes, raising his head and looking Lilly up and down. "Hey there, sweet thing." He slurred. From across the glass, Scotty clenched his fists.

"Holly Wilder, December 2002. Start talking." Lilly demanded, in her best interrogation voice that made most doers fold.

"I got a better idea, baby. Why don't me and you high tail it outta here and get a room?" He licked his lips, continuing to survey her eagerly. The way he was looking at her was sinister, almost dehumanizing, but Lilly was used to it. As a female homicide cop, Lilly had experienced more than her fair share of rude, disrespectful, and often offensive comments.

Lilly ignored him, placing a photo of Holly that they'd gotten from the hospital in front of him, "You give her those bruises?"

"Hey, watch what you're implying detective. I loved her."

Lilly rolled her eyes, "Always the guys who love too hard, that end up smacking their girls around." She leaned forward, "What's the matter, not tough enough to take on someone your own size?"

Wayne slammed a hand on the table and stood up, making Lilly crane her neck upward, "You shut up!" He yelled.

From the other side of the glass, Scotty banged, indicating Lilly should get out. Stillman quieted him with a look that clearly said he thought Lilly had this, as she continued, "See that ain't gonna work on me, Wayne. I'm not Holly or any other girls you dated. You can't try and charm me and when that doesn't work talk down to me, and when that doesn't work get aggressive. Now take a seat. "

His eyes shot daggers at her, but Lilly held her ground, not flinching. "She say something she shouldn't have? Get you angry? Tell me. When was the first time you laid a hand on her?" Lilly put a hand on his shoulder as she spoke, pushing him back down into the uncomfortable chair.

"b*tch deserved it," he spat, "but I didn't kill her."

"Not what I asked," Lilly retorted.

Wayne sighed in defeat and began to answer her question "The first time was… once after we made love, she…" He trailed off, embarrassment tainting his voice for the first time.

Lilly laughed. A laugh that she often used in the interrogation room, but was so unlike her usual enchanting laugh , a cruel, meaningless laugh that could make doers' blood boil. And that's exactly what it did. "What?" Their suspect asked angrily.

"Oh Wayne," she said. "One of these days, you'll learn a woman can say anything she wants about your performance in the bedroom, and you aren't actually allowed to kill her."

Wayne stood, and Lilly knew that the disrespectful flirting of a few minutes ago was gone. His body was tense and shaking with anger. What he did next took her by such surprise that she had no time to put up a defense.

He grabbed her by the shoulders, his grip vice like, and Lilly reached for her gun before realizing that she'd had to leave it in her locker when she came in this morning. His fist collided with her jaw and Lilly fell back against the table, blinking away the stars in front of her face, and gasping with both pain and shock.

Detective instinct finally kicked in and as Simms approached her again, Lilly balled her hand into a fist and landed a solid punch on his eye. He howled with pain and Lilly saw her opportunity to get out the door, she could hear her colleagues pounding on both the door and the window, if she could only unlock it…

Recovering from her punch, Simms grabbed her by the wrist and twisted it behind her, hard enough to elicit a cry of pain. He threw her to the ground and Lilly felt the edge of her vision starting to blur out. Desperately, she threw her hands in front of her face to block her attacker's blows.

Lilly could hear her team trying to get in, and wondered why they handed gotten in yet. Then she remembered again that she'd locked the door. Lilly could hear someone yelling for a key, another person running repeatedly into the door, but when Wayne delivered a swift kick to her head, the world turned black. "Help me…"

------------

Scotty slammed his shoulder into the door one more time. They were too slow, Jeffries had gone off to find a key, and Miller was talking, trying to calm their suspect over the loudspeaker. None of them were doing a damn bit of good and Scotty did the only thing he could think of. He felt the door starting to splinter just as he heard another cry of pain from the other side. Swearing mightily, barely seeing straight, and frantic with anger, Scotty redoubled his efforts.

Finally, after what seemed like hours, but was probably less than 10 seconds, the door burst open and Scotty grabbed the man. "You son of a b*tch," he roared. Soon, Scotty had their suspect pinned to the wall, his grip on his collar choking him. "I'm gonna @#@#ing kill you."

He punched him, bloodying Wayne nose and feeling his own injured knuckles protest. He didn't care. It didn't matter in the least if he broke his hand. All that mattered was pummeling every inch of the idiot who'd hurt Lilly that he could reach. Hitting him again, Scotty knew Wayne was starting to lose consciousness, but he didn't stop.

"Valens." Scotty heard Stillman call. "Scotty. Come on now." Putting aside the fact that he wanted to be in Scotty's place, and feel like he was doing something useful, the lieutenant continued to try and diffuse the situation. But it was damn hard, when he completely condoned what Scotty was doing.

Before Scotty felt satisfied with the amount he'd hit the other man, he felt strong hands pulling him off of him. It was Jeffries, back too late with a key. If Scotty's hand wasn't in so much pain, and if he wasn't already winded from his recent efforts, he would've done all he could fight off the larger detective. But his hand was hurting, and he was panting, and he silently cursed the untimely onset of these feelings.

Wayne rubbed the blood off his face, "I hope your little lovely woman of a girlfriend is dead." He spat angrily.

The anger once again reaching a boiling point, Scotty lunged at their suspect and it took the combined efforts of Vera and Jeffries to hold him back. As they restrained Scotty from killing the bleeding man in front of them, Stillman instructed Kat to call an ambulance, handcuffed Wayne Simms, and handed him off to a uniformed officer, "Throw him in the tombs."

With Simms out of the room, Scotty slumped, the fight dying out of him. He looked at Lilly, who lay on the floor, barely stirring and he suddenly wanted to beat himself up for not paying attention to her first. Just like the last time. "Let me go to Lil." He said to his colleagues. "I won't do anything stupid."

Stillman nodded and the moment they let go, Scotty was on his knees by Lilly's side. "Lilly?" He brushed her hair out of her face, gasping when he saw the cut on her face.

Lilly attempted to sit up, then gave up with a small whimper of pain. "Scotty…" She breathed, her eyes still closed and her skin a pale, ghostly white in stark contrast with the blood starting to trickle down her cheek. She knew instinctively that it was Scotty who was next to her, and she felt an odd sense of relief.

"Shh. Don't try and stand up, it's okay. I'm right here." He whispered. Lilly closed her eyes, and Scotty repressed the urge to shake her, knowing he would probably do more damage than good. "I'm here." He settled with saying. "Stay with me."

[tiltomorrow]

To Read The Rest:
www.fanfiction.net/s/6024594/1/No_One_Has_To_Know

[stillmanfan]

Jul 14, 2010 12:45:10 GMT -5 tiltomorrow said:

To Read The Rest:
www.fanfiction.net/s/6024594/1/No_One_Has_To_Know

Rest of it? Where? It's not even posted, as of 1:04pm.

[tiltomorrow]

Sorry! I just meant, I think I'm gonna stop posting here because for some reason it takes a while for me to reformat stuff, and life is getting busier. If anyone has been reading it here, I thought I'd just leave the link for people to click once they reach chapter 10.
I haven't updated since chapter 10, but I will!
Sorry for any confusion...

[stillmanfan]

Jul 14, 2010 16:15:52 GMT -5 tiltomorrow said:

Sorry! I just meant, I think I'm gonna stop posting here because for some reason it takes a while for me to reformat stuff, and life is getting busier. If anyone has been reading it here, I thought I'd just leave the link for people to click once they reach chapter 10.
I haven't updated since chapter 10, but I will!
Sorry for any confusion...

Okay, cool. I just assume you had updated.. hehe.