WEEK 3: Funniest Line/Exchange - NOW OPEN!!

[TVFan]

Nominate up to 5 lines or exchanges from the regular cast or the guest cast. You can nominate mulitple lines from the same episode and from the same character as long as the line/exchange is different. Duplicate nominations from the same member will only be counted once. Be sure to include the name of the episode with each nomination. Here's a link to each episode's quotes page at TV.com to give you some ideas (NOTE: your selections do NOT have to be one of the ones listed at TV.com, it's just to give you some suggestions in case you can't think of any):

Rampage
The War at Home
Sandhogs
Baby Blues
Saving Sammy
Static
The Key
Fireflies
Lonely Hearts
Forever Blue
The Red and the Blue
Knuckle Up
Blackout
8:03 AM
Blood on the Tracks
The Good-Bye Room
Shuffle, Ball Change
A Dollar, A Dream
Offender
Stand Up and Holler
Torn
Cargo
The Good Death
Stalker


Also, check out the Cold Case Quotes thread HERE for some more quotes (just make sure you select S4 quotes only)

[TVFan]

From "Rampage"
Lilly: Might as well get some sleep now.
Joseph: Why's that?
Lilly: Cause you won't get much later...

From "The War at Home"
Paula: You probably think I'm some bimbo homewrecker.
Scotty: Pretty Much!

From "Sandhogs"
Vera (after finding Lil and Joseph): Why can't I meet a nice girl in a halfway house?
Lilly: Save it!

From "Forever Blue"
Owen Murphy: You a lesbian?
Kat Miller: You a jackass?

From "Knuckle Up"
Scotty: You should just skip the favor BS and ask her out. Save 40 bucks.
Vera: Yeah, single mom, neighbor, pain-in-the-ass kid, the whole package.
Kat: That sounds like me. Except for the neighbor part.
Vera: No offense.
Kat: None taken. Makes you think I want an overweight, underpaid white man. (a beat) No offense.
Vera: (to Scotty) See what you started?

[Naj]

Torn:
Emma Stone: Are you detective Rush?
Rush: Yes, and you are?
Emma Stone: Emma Stone. My women's study professor mentioned you in a lecture.
Vera: Really?
Emma Stone: Yes she tracks women in traditionally male-dominated professions. Says you're the only female homicide detective in Philadelphia.


Torn:
Lilly: I'm Detective Rush.
Woman: Lilly Rush? The only female homicide detective in Philadelphia?
Vera: I'm Detective Vera, one of the namelss male horde.


Stand Up and Hollar:
Rush: Sit down bit*ch!

[The Reverend Bizarre]

From "Knuckle Up"

Scotty: You should just skip the favor BS and ask her out. Save 40 bucks.
Vera: Yeah, single mom, neighbor, pain-in-the-ass kid, the whole package.
Kat: That sounds like me. Except for the neighbor part.
Vera: No offense.
Kat: None taken. Makes you think I want an overweight, underpaid white man. (a beat) No offense.
Vera: (to Scotty) See what you started?


From "Stand Up and Holler"

Lilly: Don't move a muscle, b*tch!

[frenchfan]

From « Torn »

Lilly : « I'm Detective Rush. »
Woman : « Lilly Rush ? »
« The only female homicide detective in Philadelphia ? »
Vera : « Well, there's two now. And I'm Detective Vera, one of the nameless male horde ».

From « Knuckle Up »

Scotty: You should just skip the favor BS and ask her out. Save 40 bucks.
Vera: Yeah, single mom, neighbor, pain-in-the-ass kid, the whole package.
Kat: That sounds like me. Except for the neighbor part.
Vera: No offense.
Kat: None taken. Makes you think I want an overweight, underpaid white man. (a beat) No offense.
Vera: (to Scotty) See what you started?

From « Forever Blue »

Owen Murphy: « You a lesbian ? »
Kat Miller: « You a jackass ? »

From « Rampage »

Lilly : « I'll be a couple of hours. Sorry. »
Joseph : « You gotta do whatcha gotta do. »
Lilly : « Might as well get some sleep now. »
Joseph : « Why's that ? »
Lilly : « Cause you won't get much later... »

From « Forever Blue »

Scotty : « There's a nurse. Says she's looking for you. »
Vera : « For me ? »
Scotty : « You know her ? »
Vera : « No. (to Scotty and Kat) How do I look ? »
Kat : « Like crap. »
Vera : « Can't keep 'em off me. »

[coldboneslove398]

Rampage:
Lilly: We're the police, We can do anything.

Torn:
Lilly: I'm Detective Rush.
Woman: Lilly Rush? The only female homicide detective in Philadelphia?
Vera: I'm Detective Vera, one of the namelss male horde.

From "Knuckle Up"
Scotty: You should just skip the favor BS and ask her out. Save 40 bucks.
Vera: Yeah, single mom, neighbor, pain-in-the-ass kid, the whole package.
Kat: That sounds like me. Except for the neighbor part.
Vera: No offense.
Kat: None taken. Makes you think I want an overweight, underpaid white man. (a beat) No offense.
Vera: (to Scotty) See what you started?

[r2k]

So many funny lines.

1. Blackout
Stan Williams: After she cleaned me out, I thought of little else but killing her. But drowning Lauren was never an option. Too humane.
Det. Jeffries: Really?
Stan Williams: My fantasy was to bury her alive, scarabs feasting on her intestines.

2. Forever Blue
Vera: He took me to a Sixers' Game.

3. Blood on the Tracks
Lt. John Stillman: (barking) Miller! In here. Now.
(Kat looks at Scotty, slightly panicking, and walks into the lieutenant's office.)
Kat Miller: What's up?
Lt. Stillman: (showing her a juice box) How in the hell do you open this thing?
Kat Miller: There's this new device called a straw.
Lt. Stillman: Straw?
(Kat rips the straw from the side of the box and unwraps it.)
Lt. Stillman: I didn't see that.
Kat Miller: Why don't you let the four-year-old show you. Hey, Sean. How 'bout some juice, buddy?
(Stillman examines closely as Sean plunges the straw into the juice box and takes a sip.)
Kat Miller: (to Stillman) You wanna go interview a murder suspect or something, boss? To calm yourself down?

4. Knuckle Up
Scotty: Anyways, we got a name on that kid, this ringleader of the fight club. Cole Palmer, senior, a.k.a. "Ares".
Vera: Ares is the Greek god of war.
Scotty: Uh huh?
Vera: 'Rawfodog' spelled backwards? God of war.
Scotty: So the same kid posted the video?
Vera: Not bad, huh?
Scotty: Man, dude, you really need a girlfriend.

5. Lonely Hearts
Det. Jeffries: We're looking for a Cherry LeSure.
Cherry: I'm out of breath from running over here. My girlfriends said there was a delicious scoop of chocolate in a suit looking for me.

[Jezebel]

1 . 8 : 03 AM

Jeffries : - ADA Thomas stopped by . Asked about you Scotty .
Scotty : - Yeah ? What about ?
Jeffries : - Just asked about you .
Vera : - She's hot .
Scotty : - If you like that type .
Lilly : - And what type is that exactly ?
Scotty : - Ballbuster .
[ ... ]
Lilly : - Where is Miller ?
Scotty : - Storage. Been mopin' all morning.
Lilly : - Oh yeah ? What's up ?
Vera : - Probably hormones .
Lilly : - Hormones ??
Vera : - Yeah, you know, that female cycle thing .
Lilly : - Sensitive guy .
Vera : - What ? What ?!

2 . Torn

Lilly : - I'm Detective Rush.
Woman : - Lilly Rush ? The only female homicide detective in Philadelphia ?
Vera : - I'm Detective Vera, one of the nameless male horde .

3 . Blood on the tracks

Lt. John Stillman: (barking) Miller! In here. Now.
(Kat looks at Scotty, slightly panicking, and walks into the lieutenant's office.)
Kat Miller: What's up?
Lt. Stillman: (showing her a juice box) How in the hell do you open this thing?
Kat Miller: There's this new device called a straw.
Lt. Stillman: Straw?
(Kat rips the straw from the side of the box and unwraps it.)
Lt. Stillman: I didn't see that.
Kat Miller: Why don't you let the four-year-old show you. Hey, Sean. How 'bout some juice, buddy?
(Stillman examines closely as Sean plunges the straw into the juice box and takes a sip.)
Kat Miller: (to Stillman) You wanna go interview a murder suspect or something, boss? To calm yourself down?

4 . Rampage

Lilly : - Might as well get some sleep now .
Joseph : - Why's that?
Lilly : - Cause you won't get much later ... !

5 . Forever blue

Man : - You a lesbian ?
Kat : - You a jackass ?

[teledetective]

Favorite lines . . .

1. From "Forever Blue" -

Owen Wilson: You a lesbian?
Kat Miller: You a jackass?

-That line made me laugh so hard . . .

2. From "Blood On The Tracks" -

Lt. John Stillman: (barking) Miller! In here. Now.
(Kat looks at Scotty, slightly panicking, and walks into the lieutenant's office.)
Kat Miller: What's up?
Lt. Stillman: (showing her a juice box) How in the hell do you open this thing?
Kat Miller: There's this new device called a straw.
Lt. Stillman: Straw?
(Kat rips the straw from the side of the box and unwraps it.)
Lt. Stillman: I didn't see that.
Kat Miller: Why don't you let the four-year-old show you. Hey, Sean. How 'bout some juice, buddy?
(Stillman examines closely as Sean plunges the straw into the juice box and takes a sip.)
Kat Miller: (to Stillman) You wanna go interview a murder suspect or something, boss? To calm yourself down?

-My god, that was funny. I re-watched this episode several times just for that line.

3. From "Stand Up And Holler"

Lilly Rush: Don't move a muscle, b!*@#.

-Go, Lilly! Smack that #@ around and show her what's coming to her!

4. From "Knuckle Up"

Scotty Valens: You should just skip the favor BS and ask her out. Save 40 bucks.
Nick Vera: Yeah, single mom, neighbor, pain-in-the-ass kid, the whole package.
Kat Miller: That sounds like me. Except for the neighbor part.
Nick Vera: No offense.
Kat Miller: None taken. Makes you think I want an overweight, underpaid white man. (a beat) No offense.
Nick Vera: (to Scotty) See what you started?

-Oooh, Vera just got burned by Kat right there.

5. From "Torn"

Lilly Rush: I'm Detective Rush.
Woman: Lilly Rush? The only female homicide detective in Philadelphia?
Nick Vera: Well, there's two now. And I'm Detective Vera, one of the nameless male horde.

-Nothing to say but "lol".

[nappa]

1. Sandhogs
Vera (after finding Lil and Joseph): Why can't I meet a nice girl in a halfway house?
Lilly: Save it!

2. Rampage
Lilly: Might as well get some sleep now.
Joseph: Why's that?
Lilly: Cause you won't get much later...

3. Forever Blue
Owen Murphy: You a lesbian?
Kat Miller: You a jackass?

4. Torn
Lilly: I'm Detective Rush.
Woman: Lilly Rush? The only female homicide detective in Philadelphia?
Vera: I'm Detective Vera, one of the namelss male horde.

5. Knuckle Up
Scotty: You should just skip the favor BS and ask her out. Save 40 bucks.
Vera: Yeah, single mom, neighbor, pain-in-the-ass kid, the whole package.
Kat: That sounds like me. Except for the neighbor part.
Vera: No offense.
Kat: None taken. Makes you think I want an overweight, underpaid white man. (a beat) No offense.
Vera: (to Scotty) See what you started?

[coldcasegirl]

RAMPAGE
Lilly: Might as well get some sleep now.
Joseph: Why's that?
Lilly: Cause you won't get much later...


SANDHOGS
Nick Vera: I ain't going down there.
Scotty Valens: What's the matter, you don't like tunnels?
Nick Vera: They got rats the size of badgers.


FOREVER BLUE
Owen Murphy: You a lesbian?
Kat Miller: You a jackass?


KNUCKLE UP
Scotty: You should just skip the favor BS and ask her out. Save 40 bucks.
Vera: Yeah, single mom, neighbor, pain-in-the-ass kid, the whole package.
Kat: That sounds like me. Except for the neighbor part.
Vera: No offense.
Kat: None taken. Makes you think I want an overweight, underpaid white man. (a beat) No offense.
Vera: (to Scotty) See what you started?


STAND UP AND HOLLER
Lilly: Don't move a muscle...b!tch.
(uhh...can u say BURN!)

[eurache]

1. From "Forever Blue"
Owen Murphy: You a lesbian?
Kat Miller: You a jackass?

2. Stand Up and Hollar:
Rush: Sit down bit*ch!

3. Torn:
Lilly: I'm Detective Rush.
Woman: Lilly Rush? The only female homicide detective in Philadelphia?
Vera: I'm Detective Vera, one of the namelss male horde.

4. From "Knuckle Up"
Scotty: You should just skip the favor BS and ask her out. Save 40 bucks.
Vera: Yeah, single mom, neighbor, pain-in-the-ass kid, the whole package.
Kat: That sounds like me. Except for the neighbor part.
Vera: No offense.
Kat: None taken. Makes you think I want an overweight, underpaid white man. (a beat) No offense.
Vera: (to Scotty) See what you started?

5. Rampage
Lilly : « I'll be a couple of hours. Sorry. »
Joseph : « You gotta do whatcha gotta do. »
Lilly : « Might as well get some sleep now. »
Joseph : « Why's that ? »
Lilly : « Cause you won't get much later... »

[boxman]

From "Lonely Hearts"

-- The whole "Chocoluv" scene

From "Knuckle Up"

-- Vera and Kat's exchange