Traits Lilly wants in a man.

[Naj]

I'm wondering. Is there even a man out therre that would suit Lilly? What traits must the man have?

[eurache]

Yeah, you're dreams ..LOL

[TVFan]

This is hard. She seems to have a soft spot for the bad boys (like Ray), but she also wants someone who is going to treat her right. It seems to me that she wants someone who will be around on her terms -- there when she wants, but giving her space when she wants as well. He can't come on too strong and he has to be incredibly patient. She's almost made an impossible list, but perhaps, that's how she wants it. Maybe Joseph is right, maybe she does want to be alone.

Then again, perhaps she hasn't met the right person yet and when she does, all of those things won't matter.

[Naj]

Discussing my dreams has nothing to do with Lilly Rush. ;D
Just wait till I have a dream about men. (not necessialy on the show). Ahem. Now back to the topic.

eurache said:

Yeah, you're dreams ..LOL

Maybe she wants to be alone but have a guy on the side. Never commit to marriage, TVFan. That's where I'm seeing her right now at least. None of the detectives are married now. The job might dictate a non-committed relationship.

[Lee]

naj said:

Maybe she wants to be alone but have a guy on the side. Never commit to marriage, TVFan. That's where I'm seeing her right now at least. None of the detectives are married now. The job might dictate a non-committed relationship.

Naj, hey yah, chicka!! Hmm, interesting P..O..V you got there. I'm seeing that alot these days. All work and no play makes for a dull dunch of detectives. I don't know why writers play on that so much. I get the bit about the Det.'s being hella-commited to their jobs. What I don't get it why at least ONE of them can't find a happy balance between professional and personal. Majority of people in this little thing called 'Reality' seem to manage it fine.

I don't think of it as like she wants to be alone. I thinks it's more of the fact that, she knows what she wants, (even if we don't), and she's not willing to settle for second-best or close enough. Which is fair-enough.

[TVFan]

I don't know why writers play on that so much. I get the bit about the Det.'s being hella-commited to their jobs. What I don't get it why at least ONE of them can't find a happy balance between professional and personal.

I think it's because there is a general sentiment that committed, happy relationship = boring television. The thing is, if it's done right, it can be very interesting. TNT's The Closer is an excellent example of a show that has a main character (a detective) who has a successful career and a happy relationship. It isn't perfect, but she manages to make things work. And, Brenda, like Lilly, has commitment issues. She just happened to find a man (Fritz) whom is willing to be patient and wait for her to work them out with him. This is exactly what Lilly needs.

[longislanditalian2]

In order for that to happen, Lilly need to find happiness in herself. A man isn't always going to bring her all the happiness and joy in the world. The perfect man for Lilly should to open,caring , Patient, fun , but understand why she is the way she is and respect it.

[Lee]

I think it's because there is a general sentiment that committed, happy relationship = boring television. The thing is, if it's done right, it can be very interesting. TNT's The Closer is an excellent example of a show that has a main character (a detective) who has a successful career and a happy relationship. It isn't perfect, but she manages to make things work. And, Brenda, like Lilly, has commitment issues. She just happened to find a man (Fritz) whom is willing to be patient and wait for her to work them out with him. This is exactly what Lilly needs.

EXACTLY, TV FAN!!!!!! ****Lilly needs a 'Fritz'.****

You know that's the exact show I was thinking about when I wrote that. The writers of The Closer have done a superb job of that.

*-*-*

The perfect man for Lilly should to open,caring , Patient, fun , but *****understand why she is the way she is and respect it.*****

So thats basically everything Joseph pretended to be.

[Naj]

I wonder what the writer's have cooking for us. There's still all of Lilly's past she could delve into. I think she is trying to move on but will her past haunt her? Will Ray come back? Will she try to track him down in California? Notice that she was very surprised almost alarmed that she couldn't think of him being in New Jersey. I think that was her little comfort knowing that Ray was just a car ride away and not somewhere out of her comfort zone.

[longislanditalian2]

I have a feeling that something very traumatic happened to Lilly as a child, that was even worse then the broken jaw at age ten. Maybe b/c of it , Lilly can't seem to stay in a relationship long. Maybe she's afraid and still can't move on.

The traits that Lilly wants in a man is someone who listens who doesn't pass any judgement, Honest, puts a smile on her face and brings permanent happiness in her heart, stays with her no matter what, respects who she is , fun , exciting, smart, funny but mature enough to understand what's she's been through and try to make her life better then it was

[michelle]

Lilly wants someone who doesn't need her. As soon as they show a need and want for her, she pushes them away. Someone like Ray is perfect for her. Sweep her off her feet when he's around, then go back to his own life without her.

Lilly feels unworthy of devotion. She will never accept a man who loves her without restrictions. And she will never put up with a man who tries to impose restrictions on her.

[longislanditalian2]

It seems to me that Lilly gets too emotional when she's in a relationship, maybe she needs to find someone that is able to deal with all of that and not from her past. Someone to make her laugh and smile

[Naj]

have a feeling that something very traumatic happened to Lilly as a child, that was even worse then the broken jaw at age ten

I did speculate that. There should be a thread around here on it. No one seemed to agree with me. I thought maybe something dastardly happened to her that we haven't heard yet. But it's season 4. It could be a peeling onion effect - that what we know is just the tip of something else that happened. But then - Ray doesn't know about it?

She will never accept a man who loves her without restrictions. And she will never put up with a man who tries to impose restrictions on her.

So does this make them just a bed pal with some history?

[longislanditalian2]

Lilly needs someone who wouldn't give up on her no matter what, that would provide constant comfort and security .


Maybe the reason Lilly cannot emotionally connect is becuase maybe she had suffered some kind of phyical abuse maybe from one of Ellen's boyfriends or her dad and cannot form trust with men..

[boxman]

I read this article a while back. Kinda made me think of Lilly:

My Turn Online: On Being Fortyish and Single
Single and fortyish, I'm learning what it means to be attractive but older.
WEB-EXCLUSIVE COMMENTARY
By Max Smith
Special to Newsweek
Updated: 6:59 p.m. ET Oct 12, 2006

Oct. 12, 2006 - As a single woman of a certain age (fortyish, if you must know), I’ve begun thinking about the benefits of advertising my availability. E-mails and online dating services seem a little too distant, anonymous and impersonal. Here’s what I’m thinking: My own T shirt. SINGLE WOMAN SEEKING on the front, GOOD AVAILABLE SINGLE MAN on back.

In my neighborhood I see all manner of couplings: casual, interracial, bireligious. From the sidelines, I wonder, "Where are all the available men?" And by available I mean attractive, single, respectful, open-minded, intelligent and interested in me. Certain things like being economically self-sufficient, confident and self-assured are givens. I don't expect to lower my standards any more than the next woman.

Of course, there are complications. For one, I’ve reached an age where flying solo is considered precarious. I'm good-looking—no question (at least, not in my mind). I'm self-sufficient and independent and have been for years. I'm also open to men of different races. Still, my age is an issue. I look well-maintained, but in a way that has caused men to begin to wonder how old I am, exactly.

Middle age, I think, is a time of cruel awakenings. Some harsh, some hilarious. Harsh: recognizing that I am now a member of Generation Ex: the folks past their mid-30s who register last in the minds of the decision makers: employers, advertisers, prospective lovers. Hilarious: walking into a pharmacy accompanied by my older sister and having the pretty young cashier smile and ask me, "Are you her mother?"

It used to be different. There was a time, from my early teens on up into my mid-20s, when I couldn't walk down the street without stopping traffic. Of course, in this I wasn't alone. All young women experience this—the time when their flesh is at its ripest and they are in their prime.

Back then, I was frightened by the way men reacted to me, so I developed a pose, a harsh exterior that at once evoked superiority and indifference. It was the only shell I found effective at keeping men at bay: a bit like an invisible bug zapper. A man, like a bug, could sense this barrier, and if he knew what was good for him would have enough sense to keep his distance.

Of course, standoffishness can outlive its usefulness. I’ve kept my alert activated all these years—long after my 20s have been a blur, my 30s skirted into the night, and middle-agedom has smacked me in the kisser like a young Mike Tyson once pounded his opponents. Men no longer notice me in the way they once did. It's a fact of life, a necessary surrendering; the older making way for the new. At times, ego and immaturity being what they are, this is hard to take. I find myself wondering, "Is it me? Is it me? Tell me it's not me. What has changed? I still look good, don't I?"

Yes, of course, I do. In a new way. A way that says "attractive but … older." The way a chipped herringbone may hold special appeal to a collector with a soft spot for period china, not with the magnetic draw that youth and fresh-faced innocence pulls us all closer.

Now I watch young women pass by and marvel at the tautness of their breasts, the tightness of their abs; even when their bellies are more plump than flat, they hold the radiance of young skin that makes them look more like a pout and less like a gut. Young men evince the same beauty and charm. I understand the appeal and know with unequivocal surety why it is that men, young and old, seek younger flesh. Even I, despite my claim to open-mindedness, find myself attracted and addicted to men a decade younger than myself.

So where does this leave me? In the ocean of middle age, trying to adjust to the waves and not get caught and sucked under by a riptide. Yearning to relax into acceptance of the inevitable—and the not awful. Wondering if I will awaken one day and find myself suddenly in sync with the predictions of the elders—married and unmarried women who warned me to wise up, loosen my standards—and latch on to the first unattached and marriage-minded man who makes me an offer. "Loneliness," caution the soothsayers, "is the worst of old-age illnesses."

Still I soldier on, alone but not unbearably lonely, head tilted to the wind, desiring a partner but unwilling to surrender who I am and what I want here and now for the fear of a nightmare future. Until then, I just might design and wear that T shirt.

Smith lives in Baldwin, NY.
© 2006 Newsweek, Inc.

URL: www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15241226/site/newsweek/
© 2006 MSNBC.com

[longislanditalian2]

Hmm, Maybe Lilly is tired of the same boring men, she needs a man with a different personality and style. But had anyone noticed how unhappy she is being in love. . There is something deep down that is keeping her from have a succuessful relationship.

[Naj]

Maybe Lilly will give up on finding a man! Maybe she needs a good friend instead. I'm so glad I'm staying out of the Spoiler forum this season.