Post by Naj on Sept 10, 2006 12:18:12 GMT -5
Winter: Don't let your babies grow up to be cavemen
STORY TOOLS
Marry Winter
email | bioSeptember 9, 2006
When a columnist at Forbes.com recently told readers not to marry career women, I was thunderstruck.
"Guys: a word of advice. Marry pretty women or ugly ones. Short ones or tall ones. Blondes or brunettes. Just, whatever you do, don't marry a woman with a career," Michael Noer warned in an opinion piece posted Aug. 22.
"If a host of studies is to be believed, marrying these women is asking for trouble."
Noer is not being satirical. To the contrary, his tone is more Ward Churchill than Stephen Colbert.
The statistics are in, he writes, and they show just what can happen when a man marries a woman who earns at least $30,000 a year in a job that keeps her out of the house 35 hours a week. She's more likely to:
• cheat on you
• have fewer children
• be unhappy as a mother
• spend less time on housework, which means a dirtier house for you
• neglect you when you're sick
• divorce you, which increases your odds of getting cancer and sexually transmitted diseases, suffering from stroke, alcoholism or clinical depression or committing suicide
But here's the capper:
"The other reason a career can hurt a marriage will be obvious to anyone who has seen his or her mate run off with a co-worker: When your spouse works outside the home, chances increase that he or she will meet someone more likable than you," Noer writes.
How pathetic is that? If that statement doesn't scream, "I'm hopelessly insecure around women and I'll never, ever forgive her for turning me down for the prom," I don't know what does.
Now, you might expect something like that from Warren Jeffs, the breakaway Mormon polygamist who believes siring 56 kids is his ticket to heaven. But how could Forbes.com, the online version of the long-respected business magazine, post such backward, sexist, insulting twaddle?
Hundreds of outraged readers and bloggers have asked the same question. Many think posting the piece was a calculated move to boost traffic at the site. Others have questioned Noer's statistics and their sources. In my experience, a scientific study involving divorce or marital satisfaction will be directly contradicted by another study the following year.
I e-mailed Forbes.com editors Tuesday, but I hadn't heard back from them by Wednesday night. But here's what I'd like to say to Noer:
• Where have you been for 20 years? Edith Bunker is simply not considered a hottie anymore. Guys I know say the real babes are those nose-to-the-grindstone career women, those brainy docs on Grey's Anatomy and ER, the brilliant detective played by Kathryn Morris on Cold Case, the statuesque Geena Davis on Commander in Chief.
• Unlike cattle and outbuildings, women haven't been chattel for at least a century now. They can even vote these days.
• Marriage is not indentured service. It's a partnership that enhances the happiness and well-being of both parties. You marry a person for how she makes you feel, not because she picks up your dirty socks.
• If you want to be greeted at the door every night with your pipe and slippers, get a dog.
• If you want your wife to be at home because you fear she'll meet someone more exciting at work, get a therapist.
• Accept that in most U.S. households, both adults need to work to afford food and health insurance. Also know that wives outearn their husbands in 20 percent to 25 percent of households, and that with money comes power.
• For every man who feels neglected because his wife works, there's a woman who's bitter because she has a lazy husband who doesn't carry his load.
• When your daughter marries a promising young man who turns out to be alcoholic or drug-dependent, what are her choices if she can't get a job? Will you financially support her and your three grandchildren?
• In 2003, custodial parents (mostly mothers) received only 69 percent of the child support owed them by the noncustodial parents. When Dad doesn't pay, should Mom go on welfare?
• Find out whether your editors were at lunch when they were supposed to be editing your column. If they're women, make sure they weren't fooling around in a back room with someone.
I'll end with this: I'm a 53-year-old so-called career woman (why are there no career men, by the way?) whose biggest joy, reward and satisfaction in life have come not from any title I've held or office I've occupied but from my role as wife, mother, sister and daughter.
I've often thought I would have made a much better stay-at-home mother of four than a journalist or manager.
But that's another column.
mwinte@aol.com
KM
STORY TOOLS
Marry Winter
email | bioSeptember 9, 2006
When a columnist at Forbes.com recently told readers not to marry career women, I was thunderstruck.
"Guys: a word of advice. Marry pretty women or ugly ones. Short ones or tall ones. Blondes or brunettes. Just, whatever you do, don't marry a woman with a career," Michael Noer warned in an opinion piece posted Aug. 22.
"If a host of studies is to be believed, marrying these women is asking for trouble."
Noer is not being satirical. To the contrary, his tone is more Ward Churchill than Stephen Colbert.
The statistics are in, he writes, and they show just what can happen when a man marries a woman who earns at least $30,000 a year in a job that keeps her out of the house 35 hours a week. She's more likely to:
• cheat on you
• have fewer children
• be unhappy as a mother
• spend less time on housework, which means a dirtier house for you
• neglect you when you're sick
• divorce you, which increases your odds of getting cancer and sexually transmitted diseases, suffering from stroke, alcoholism or clinical depression or committing suicide
But here's the capper:
"The other reason a career can hurt a marriage will be obvious to anyone who has seen his or her mate run off with a co-worker: When your spouse works outside the home, chances increase that he or she will meet someone more likable than you," Noer writes.
How pathetic is that? If that statement doesn't scream, "I'm hopelessly insecure around women and I'll never, ever forgive her for turning me down for the prom," I don't know what does.
Now, you might expect something like that from Warren Jeffs, the breakaway Mormon polygamist who believes siring 56 kids is his ticket to heaven. But how could Forbes.com, the online version of the long-respected business magazine, post such backward, sexist, insulting twaddle?
Hundreds of outraged readers and bloggers have asked the same question. Many think posting the piece was a calculated move to boost traffic at the site. Others have questioned Noer's statistics and their sources. In my experience, a scientific study involving divorce or marital satisfaction will be directly contradicted by another study the following year.
I e-mailed Forbes.com editors Tuesday, but I hadn't heard back from them by Wednesday night. But here's what I'd like to say to Noer:
• Where have you been for 20 years? Edith Bunker is simply not considered a hottie anymore. Guys I know say the real babes are those nose-to-the-grindstone career women, those brainy docs on Grey's Anatomy and ER, the brilliant detective played by Kathryn Morris on Cold Case, the statuesque Geena Davis on Commander in Chief.
• Unlike cattle and outbuildings, women haven't been chattel for at least a century now. They can even vote these days.
• Marriage is not indentured service. It's a partnership that enhances the happiness and well-being of both parties. You marry a person for how she makes you feel, not because she picks up your dirty socks.
• If you want to be greeted at the door every night with your pipe and slippers, get a dog.
• If you want your wife to be at home because you fear she'll meet someone more exciting at work, get a therapist.
• Accept that in most U.S. households, both adults need to work to afford food and health insurance. Also know that wives outearn their husbands in 20 percent to 25 percent of households, and that with money comes power.
• For every man who feels neglected because his wife works, there's a woman who's bitter because she has a lazy husband who doesn't carry his load.
• When your daughter marries a promising young man who turns out to be alcoholic or drug-dependent, what are her choices if she can't get a job? Will you financially support her and your three grandchildren?
• In 2003, custodial parents (mostly mothers) received only 69 percent of the child support owed them by the noncustodial parents. When Dad doesn't pay, should Mom go on welfare?
• Find out whether your editors were at lunch when they were supposed to be editing your column. If they're women, make sure they weren't fooling around in a back room with someone.
I'll end with this: I'm a 53-year-old so-called career woman (why are there no career men, by the way?) whose biggest joy, reward and satisfaction in life have come not from any title I've held or office I've occupied but from my role as wife, mother, sister and daughter.
I've often thought I would have made a much better stay-at-home mother of four than a journalist or manager.
But that's another column.
mwinte@aol.com
KM
