Darkened Seas

[longislanditalian2]

This isn't an L/S fic at all, Yes Ray and Kite and in this one as well.

Rain came pouring down on the streets, as Lilly was sitting down on the bed. Since the shooting she hadn’t be alright, not to mention the nights that had become persistent.

A tiny tear tricked out of her eye as it slowly made its way down her cheek. Touching the soft liquid, she felt sad and weak all the things Lilly hated to express.

Another tear rolled downward with more negative thoughts spinning around. Glancing downward she turned off her phone, not wanting to be bothered.

A very unlike thing for her, but Lilly wasn’t so sure who she was right now. Either way she had determined her own fate, which was the only way out of this nightmare.

The night was clear and cold, as Lilly walked the streets in a t-shirt and pants. She didn’t that it was cold and blustery; nothing mattered anymore.

A series of flashes appeared from that day, but by the time it ended Lilly wrists were bloodied. Staring that the crimson blood, her mind was going around trying to determine why she had done that.

It was realization but Lilly soon continued her own journey. The night was dark, no place for a cop with a lonely heart. Her world had to end soon, but before she could the streets she was on was once again empty.



TBC.....

[longislanditalian2]

In another place, a hand was gently wrapping a white bandage around each Lilly’s wrists. Her heart pounded inside, while a voice had told her to run.

Looking up Ray was there as he gently blotting her face as the tears began to stream downward. He knew someone was terribly wrong to see the woman he loved like this.

“Tell me” he asked softly but instead watched the tears slipping out.
Putting a finger on her cheek, Ray felt the warm liquid of sadness before seeing Lilly pulling up her knees. He was afraid wanting to get help but knew that she would resist it.

“I just want to be alone” her voice was quiet. Ray nodded as he walked out of the room unsure of what to do next. After riding up and seeing, blood pouring out from her wrists he knew that this wasn’t the Lilly that he knew well. Something was making her do this, but what?

In the other room, Lilly sniffled back the tears before trying to figure out how to escape. When she did, Ray caught her.

“You can’t leave”

“Forget it, I need to go back”

He took her hand before Lilly began to lose it even more, smashing things all over the apartment. Then everything grew quiet when she locked herself in the bathroom.

Her inner feelings wanted to burst out, but her mind was spinning so fast that her thoughts were getting mixed up. Sliding downward, Lilly drew in a couple deep breaths as she tried to regain composure. A few hours later, she heard a knock at the door.

“You okay Lil’

Lilly didn’t answer she wanted to fade away like a ghost but in reality couldn’t. She had been so consumed by loneliness that now it only made it worse. Usually that would bring comfort but it didn’t anymore. Hours upon hours, she sat there trying to gather enough courage to head back and pretend it didn’t happen.

That was the usual thing she’d do, but Lilly only had one problem: She couldn’t even trust herself anymore.

[longislanditalian2]

I might not continue with this if no one reviews

[michelle]

Please proofread before you post. I assume you care a lot about what you write, but it doesn't look like it when you submit something full of errors.

A couple of examples:

Since the shooting she hadn’t be alright

the nights that had become persistent.

A tiny tear tricked out of her eye as it slowly made its way down her cheek.

She didn’t that it was cold and blustery;


Grammar and punctuation need a LOT of work.

The best advise for anyone who writes is to READ READ READ! What you write should be at least as correct in grammar and punctuation, even if you can't match the style and content of published writers.

I remember you were going to take a writing class. What happened to that?

[longislanditalian2]

I'm trying to write as best I can, I cannot help that I can't write as well as others.

Sorry I even tried!!

[michelle]

I'm not trying to say you should write like anyone else. I know you care a lot about what you write. That's why I'm confused as to why you don't proofread and clear up the obvious errors of skipping words and grammatical mistakes. You have more story ideas than anyone else on here; you need to use the tools you have, and take the time and care to bring them across to us in a way that lets us see them as they are in your head.

Look. Below is the beginning of your story with correct grammar and punctuation. It's YOUR story, YOUR idea. Do you see how clearly it comes across with the corrections?

You've said a lot in the past you wanted help. That's what I'm trying to give you. Not criticism. I think it would be great if everyone could read your stories and see them as you imagine them.

Rain poured down onto the streets outside; inside Lilly sat on the bed. Since the shooting, she hadn’t been right. Not to mention the nightmares that had become persistent.

A tiny tear trickled out of her eye and slowly made its way down her cheek. Touching the soft liquid, she felt sad and weak. All the things Lilly hated to express.

Another tear rolled downward; more negative thoughts spun around. Glancing down, she turned off her phone, not wanting to be bothered. It was very unlike her, but Lilly wasn’t so sure who she was right now. But she had to determine her own fate. That was the only way out of this nightmare.

[longislanditalian2]

I understand Michelle, I'm glad you are trying to help me...

[spirit]

I like it LII2 Please continue.

[cellogal]

Wow, you're taking Lil to a very dark place. It'll be interesting to see where you're going with this.

[longislanditalian2]

I hope this chapter is a little better, I took a long time to write this.

As hours went on by, Lilly sat there in the darkened bathroom unaccompanied. She just wanted to die knowing that nobody really cared about her. From outside the door, Ray needed to do something knowing now he could lose her in any given moment.

Picking up the phone, he called headquarters but didn’t imagine Scotty to answer his call.

“It’s Ray, Lil’s ex” he said
When Scotty heard this many feelings loomed around in his mind” She isn’t here”.

“I know, Lil‘s with me. I never had seen her like this before”.

Scotty grew even worried before Ray gave him directions to his apartment. Terror had now set in, hoping that she won’t meet the same fate as Elisa. On arrival the two men looked at each feeling the same way.

“What Happened?”

Ray sighed” I was riding around saw Lil bleeding from both wrists” before motioning to the door of the bathroom.

Coming closer, Scotty knocked softly” Lil, it’s me”.

Inside Lilly shivered but still didn't move, knowing that she couldn't trust anyone. Getting up she searched until finding a razor. Looking at its sharp edges she drew in a breath while trying to determine her own fate.

Before she knew blood was coming out of wound on her leg. Lilly immediately dropped the razor, before breaking down and crying again.

This time, both men heard the sound of her crying. Being careful, Scotty used something to open the door as he saw blood on the floor.

His eyes widened “Lil’ his voice was barely a whisper...

[Khaya]

Wow.
This is really good.

I don't have any experience with matters like this. Though I've heard of a girl at my school who cut herself when she was awfully bullied by the 6th class students.
It must be a terrible experience to go through something like that.

I was thinking; maybe this is the way Lil' goes through the time after the shooting. She's got a real problem showing her feelings, and that makes her really confused and angry inside.
Out of own experience I can say it feels terrible on one side and good on the other side to throw with things and shout and be furious.

I always avoid hard subjects like this when I'm writing. It's interesting to read about them, but I myself am a little 'afraid' about writing about it. I wouldn't want to call it afraid, but you know what I mean right? I kinda try to write alongside these things, because I'm afraid to say things that aren't true and with which I can hurt people.
I think it's brave from you to write about this, and you're doing very good. It's hard to make people feel like they really are into the story, but you succeed in it

I love the quotation marks (If my dictionary is right this is the right word for these things: " .. ").
I never really use them myself because I don't want to type them all the time . But it makes your story clearer.
Very good you use them .
I did discovered 1 or 2 mistake(s) with them, but that's alright.

longislanditalian2 said:

I might not continue with this if no one reviews

I hope this is enough review for you to write on and make more chapters ;D I did read the first 2 posts but I didn't feel the need to post something yet ;D

See ya!

[longislanditalian2]

I am going to continue, thanks for reviewing

[spirit]

That update was really good Its sad..

[michelle]

Great improvement!! Keep up the good work.

[longislanditalian2]

Scotty’s breath quickened, while his heart began to beat faster. Glancing downward, he put his finger on the side of her neck. It was a relief, while feeling the hastening beats from underneath .

Leaning downward, Scotty took her cold hand trying hard to not to cry himself.

“Lil’ he managed to speak before taking a wet cloth and blotting her face.

There was no response, as Lilly remained still not wanting to move a muscle. He then wrapped a blanket around her; before trying to pull her up off the floor.

Scotty then led her into a bed room, which was darkened so that nobody could see the weakness that was now being displayed.

As Lilly sat down on the bed, she shivered from the draftiness. Even though there was a blanket wrapped around her body, it didn’t help that much.

Scotty then wiped a piece of hair away as he gently stroked her cheek, seeing how miserable and alone she looked.

“Just leave me alone” Lilly’s voice was barely a whisper now.

“I can’t, not when I see you like this”

She didn’t react but continued to stare straight ahead; while more tears streamed downward. In the doorway, Ray stood there equally concerned for her. He wanted to help but didn’t know what to do; especially now.

When Scotty went to rub her back, Lilly smacked him before moving over to the other side of the bed. He was in bitter shock but decided not to pursue anything, given her current mental state. After he had left, Lilly lay there crying softly.

She didn’t mean to hit her partner, knowing that he had in fact saved her life. More tears flooded out about the fear of never having children or being a wife. Lilly wanted so badly to have these things but everybody seemed to break her heart.


Outside, both Ray and Scotty sat there trying to figure out a solution to this. The two of them both loved her and wanted so much to get back the Lilly they knew.

It was hard though, since she built up those walls that seemed impossible to take down.

Even by the next morning, Lilly lay there as Scotty sat down rubbing her back. He could feel her breathing softly, which was a good thing.

“I want to go home” she mumbled into the pillow.

He thought for moment” You can’t be alone Lil”

“Just take me home” came her final answer.

After talking to Ray, Scotty escorted Lilly into his car. Throughout the whole way home, she kept her head down. This made her worry even more; until she tried to open the door while the car was still moving.

Luckily he stopped her as the car finally pulled up in front of her house. Once inside, Lilly lay down on her bed facing the window; while Scotty was making sure to get rid of things that she could kill herself with.

When Ray arrived later one, he and Scotty each took turns in trying to help her. Nothing was working; as Lilly remained very guarded. As the days went on by, both men were worn but weren’t about to give up.


TBC...

[Khaya]

I'm excited to see what way you're going!
Hope you have another one ready quickly ;D

I like Scotty and Ray in this story. I can't discover any jealousy. They both just want to get Lil' better. I like that.

Please, keep going!

[spirit]

I like this story heaps

There were just a few minor mistakes, but still good writing!

[Khaya]

spirit said:

There were just a few minor mistakes, but still good writing!

Those mistakes don't keep me from understanding the story. And that's very good. Because I'm Dutch and with my English I don't get everything

[spirit]

I know.. I too could understand it (even though i speak english.)! I was just pointing out that there was a few mistakes.

[longislanditalian2]

One morning, Scotty lay back on the bed before taking Lilly’s hand into his. It wasn’t a symbol of love but it showed just how much he cared about her.

“Lil, you need to eat” he whispered quietly


Even though she was lying on her stomach, Lilly could feel it’s emptiness but still disregarded it. Nothing had mattered anymore; she wanted to fade away into the sky never to be seen again.

That wasn’t the case later afternoon, as Lilly was eating a piece of toast. Scotty had convinced her to eat, which in itself was good thing after all. After she was finished he came downstairs with the empty plate, as Ray looked up at him.


“Take it Lil’s doing better” He asked concerned.

Scotty sighed” Not by much” while he put the plate into the sink; wanting to get Lilly help. Now tired himself he tried to keep himself awake, but found that sleep had already gotten to him. Upstairs, Ray sat there before Lilly snapped at him.

“Just leave me alone Ray” she said

Ray turned and faced her” Scotty and I are worried about you”
as she turned back away. Touching her arm he spoke again” You’re not alone Lil, just let us help “.

Lilly then threw a pillow at him, before facing the window again. Ray got up and left still in question of what to do or say. He knew she always had kept everything so airtight inside that now it was hard for her to let it all out.

Upon coming downstairs, he left the apartment and walked. It hurt him so deeply to see Lilly so shattered like a million pieces of glass. Around the same time, Scotty awoke as he immediately went to check up on her.

Wrapping a blanket around her, Scotty peered into her blue eyes.

“Hey”

Lilly let out a small breath” Go to work” she whispered.

“Can’t not without you, we have victims that need justice"; thinking about the first time he saw how much she cared for her victims and their families.

“You don’t need me” Lilly said as the tears began to form in her eyes” GO AWAY” her voice growing louder. She then began to throw things at him “This is your fault, acting so macho”.

Scotty knew she was irrational, and wasn’t about to play into this. He remained calm for her sake as well. In a matter of minutes, Lilly broke down and cried this time in his arms. Even though in didn’t last very long, Scotty remained considerate about the whole thing.

When Ray had returned he noticed a wound on Scotty’s right cheek.


“Lil do that”.
Scotty nodded” Just leave Lil alone”
“What so she can harm herself” Ray yelled before Scotty had stopped him.

Ray knew he was right, but wasn’t so sure about it. Later on, he went upstairs noticing the shattered pieces of glass from the broken mirror. Walking closer to Lilly, there was no sign of blood which was all very good.

After changing her bandages, he too wanted so much to see that smile again. Ray then sat down slowly just trying to comprehend everything she was feeling. It was hard since he had come and disappeared in her life; that in retrospect Lilly probably didn’t trust him that much.

“I went to place we went to as kids, how we stayed until darkness”.
Lilly breathed out again as Ray took her hand “We only had each other remember”?