Narc

[spirit]

That was a great ending, I wasnt expecting it at all!
I liked how at the very end you told just a little of what everyone was doing, it seemed such like a real episode.
Great job

[coldboneslove398]

Todd, please write another one soon . I'm dying here without my "Cold Case" fix . Help a fellow addict out xD. I really love your style of writing. It does make everything believable to an actual "Cold Case" episode. I'm a crime-drama addict gal

[boxman]

Todd, overall I found this very suspenseful and well written. Like IrishKale said earlier, you set this one up nicely with a lot of potential suspects so it kept me guessing who'd end up being the doer. I always like the way your writing reads like an actual episodes, with everyone saying and acting like we've come to know them on the show.

I had a bit of trouble accepting how behind the scenes, Sgt McKinley had very little charisma and acceptance from his wife, Kate, and even Milo. In the story, it makes sense how McKinley being this way would turn to alcohol and eventually lash out in violence as he did. Yet I would think that in the position he carried, he'd surely earn enough respect and prestige from other people to not even dare to cross the line like that, especially over a petty jealousy. Now had he and Kate been in an extramarital affair, then yes, I can see the jealousy motive for going after Milo. Also, I felt that you were trying to portray McKinley as psychologically weak in order to allow the confession to come out as easy as it did. It didn't seem realistic, as a police officer would instinctively know what the consequences are to admitting guilt in a murder. I'd think he'd personally know from experience a few tricks to keep himself protected from Stillman and Lilly's interrogation.

[toddsmitts]

boxman said:

Todd, overall I found this very suspenseful and well written. Like IrishKale said earlier, you set this one up nicely with a lot of potential suspects so it kept me guessing who'd end up being the doer. I always like the way your writing reads like an actual episodes, with everyone saying and acting like we've come to know them on the show.

Thank you.

boxman said:

I had a bit of trouble accepting how behind the scenes, Sgt McKinley had very little charisma and acceptance from his wife, Kate, and even Milo. In the story, it makes sense how McKinley being this way would turn to alcohol and eventually lash out in violence as he did. Yet I would think that in the position he carried, he'd surely earn enough respect and prestige from other people to not even dare to cross the line like that, especially over a petty jealousy. Now had he and Kate been in an extramarital affair, then yes, I can see the jealousy motive for going after Milo.

Shouldn't a governor know better than to have sex with hookers? Shouldn't a lance corporal in the USMC know better than to murder a pregnant fellow officer? Having more authority or experience certainly doesn't protect you from bad judgment.

Yes, normally, he probably wouldn't have gone so far as to shoot Milo, but remember, he was a drunk and people can do extremely dumb things when they're drunk.

boxman said:

Also, I felt that you were trying to portray McKinley as psychologically weak in order to allow the confession to come out as easy as it did. It didn't seem realistic, as a police officer would instinctively know what the consequences are to admitting guilt in a murder. I'd think he'd personally know from experience a few tricks to keep himself protected from Stillman and Lilly's interrogation.

Admittedly, it might be a stretch that he would just confess like that, but given that, in almost all cases on the show, even the most remorseless killers confess at the end, I felt it was no more a stretch than you might see on a typical episode.

[cellogal]

See, I told you I'd review! This was really good....just like an awesome episode, and I mean that in every sense of the word. The interactions between the detectives, the victim and suspects, the twists, the turns, everything was just spot-on. Great job; I look forward to more!

[Collider]

Likewise, reviewing as promised.

I love the way you use the structure of the show to fuel your fics (not just this one, but I figured I'd amalgamate all my reviews together to save on spam). Fanfic that centres exclusively around the cases is very very rare, since the vast majority of writers (myself included) are much more interested by the inner workings of the series regulars, so it's always interesting to read a fic that plays out inside one's head almost exactly like an actual episode would.

Though, having said that, your writing style being as immersive as it is, I would be ecstatic if you did opt to focus on the detectives a little more as well (hopefully without detaching too much from your cases... which are wonderfully well-thought out, by the way, and that's not an easy thing to accomplish), because what you do give us is fantastic. What can I say? I'm one of those greedy and self-involved readers who just wants everything, and your style of writing absolutely fuels my desire to see more and more of what you do offer.

Plus, your choice of music for the flashback scenes invariably make me go "eeee!".

[boxman]

Apr 14, 2008 0:05:21 GMT -5 toddsmitts said:

Shouldn't a governor know better than to have sex with hookers? Shouldn't a lance corporal in the USMC know better than to murder a pregnant fellow officer? Having more authority or experience certainly doesn't protect you from bad judgment.

Those are good facts; however, I think it's useless to point out actual facts when we're talking about fiction and writing style here. My concern is that a writer should gear their stories appropriately to their audience. If you were writing for children, you wouldn't press upon the idea that there's no toy factory at the north pole, that there's no such thing as sorcery or magic, or that radioactive spider bites are more likely to kill you than give you the ability to climb walls. This is a police story, so a significant segment of your audience comes to it with a bias towards believing in certain things such as: Cops inherently are good people, they make good decisions under stressful situations, and they make personal sacrifices for the good of others. (These are some of the main qualities Lilly has; They're some of the main reasons why she is so adored here. It's also the qualities I expect out of McKinley.) Now being adults, yes, your audience can understand there's going to be characters and ideas that go against their biases and beliefs. But you as a writer, I think should offer a good reason to why this is so, and why an audience should accept your "questioning" of their held perceptions.

"Bad Reputation" is a good example of this kind of violation of an audience's beliefs. Just like I do here, Collider specifically pointed out that a weakness in that episode for her was the same kind of 180 degree turn in a police officer's character. Audiences for police dramas don't expect it; and should it occur, audiences have a hard time accepting it when it's thrust upon them so quickly. This kind of rapid new development comes off as a hasty decision to wrap up a story quickly. In another example from "Bad Reputation", a large segment of Cold Case's audience is women who are too mature and sophisticated to watch "Desperate Housewives". So when this show throws in a love interest that goes around "doing The Guy Thing", it's totally inappropriate for this audience and he bombs. At this point, the Cold Case writers have a really big job ahead of them to offer good reasons to what Lilly sees in The New Guy. He goes against this audience's perception of Lilly's "type".

Yes, normally, he probably wouldn't have gone so far as to shoot Milo, but remember, he was a drunk and people can do extremely dumb things when they're drunk.

My personal experience is that dumb things--yeah. But murder? I think you have to be already headed well down "that slippery slope" to begin with to allow alcohol convince you murder is okay. Now maybe I missed some subtle hints you've given that McKinley was headed that way, because if I caught it, I'd agree that alcohol could've made him think he'd get away with murder.

Admittedly, it might be a stretch that he would just confess like that, but given that, in almost all cases on the show, even the most remorseless killers confess at the end, I felt it was no more a stretch than you might see on a typical episode.

Isn't your goal to write stories that are better than typical episodes?

[toddsmitts]

Apr 15, 2008 5:25:05 GMT -5 boxman said:

This is a police story, so a significant segment of your audience comes to it with a bias towards believing in certain things such as: Cops inherently are good people, they make good decisions under stressful situations, and they make personal sacrifices for the good of others. (These are some of the main qualities Lilly has; They're some of the main reasons why she is so adored here. It's also the qualities I expect out of McKinley.) Now being adults, yes, your audience can understand there's going to be characters and ideas that go against their biases and beliefs. But you as a writer, I think should offer a good reason to why this is so, and why an audience should accept your "questioning" of their held perceptions.

I think the audience is mature enough to recognize that wearing a uniform and a badge doesn't inherently make someone a good person. Maybe most times but not always. I was a longtime fan of "NYPD Blue", a show that was probably more pro-cop than CC, and even they featured more than a few cops who were dirty or even murderers.

It's not as if the CC itself has never shown this. Two well-recieved episodes, "A Perfect Day" and "Forever Blue" had cops doing terrible things: the latter having a cop murder a fellow officer because he was gay, and the former showing cop as an abusive husband and father who dropped his own daughter off a bridge.

Apr 15, 2008 5:25:05 GMT -5 boxman said:

"Bad Reputation" is a good example of this kind of violation of an audience's beliefs. Just like I do here, Collider specifically pointed out that a weakness in that episode for her was the same kind of 180 degree turn in a police officer's character. Audiences for police dramas don't expect it; and should it occur, audiences have a hard time accepting it when it's thrust upon them so quickly. This kind of rapid new development comes off as a hasty decision to wrap up a story quickly.

My personal experience is that dumb things--yeah. But murder? I think you have to be already headed well down "that slippery slope" to begin with to allow alcohol convince you murder is okay. Now maybe I missed some subtle hints you've given that McKinley was headed that way, because if I caught it, I'd agree that alcohol could've made him think he'd get away with murder.

I'm not going to really talk about The New Guy as that's not relevant here. As for how believable it was for the already abraisive and violent cop to turn out to corrupt and capable of murder, that, I think, is a bit more subjective.

I did try to lay the foundations a bit earlier in the story with a few subtle things. McKinley's quiet vigil by Kate's side was meant at first to appear as something as innocent as a concerned commanding officer; something you might see Stillman doing. Of course, as we see at the end, it could also be interpreted another way, which is concern for a woman he was in love with. Also, McKinley's passing line to Stillman "I don't drink" was intended to foreshadow a problem that will surface later.

It's sometimes hard to walk that line of dropping hints so that events at the end won't seem forced but still being subtle that it's not a big red flag. Maybe I was too subtle with this one, maybe not.

And for the record, booze alone didn't make McKinley do what he did or make him think he could get away with it. Like most tragic events, this was not the result of one thing but many things: McKinley's was frustrated at being unable to be with Kate, and his resentment grew at seeing her growing attraction to Milo. He tried to drown his frustation in a few drinks, then worked up the nerve to find Milo and make him back off, not to kill him. Milo's seemingly flippant response only made McKinley angrier, however. Losing his temper, having impaired judgment, and having a loaded weapon on him led to him doing something terrible in the heat of the moment.

At that point, his survival instinct kicked in, leading him to finish Milo off, to keep him from talking, and get rid of the evidence (namely the ballistics report, which I admit was put in simply to explain why the bullets in Milo couldn't be matched to a cop's gun).

Apr 15, 2008 5:25:05 GMT -5 boxman said:

Isn't your goal to write stories that are better than typical episodes?

Well, I think all stories, like episodes, are not equal. Some of both are better than others. Though I think it's also a matter of taste. Some readers have told me they preferred "Narc" over others, some liked "Windfall" best, some liked "Do No Harm".

That being said, I think I can allow myself at least some of the same creative licenses that the show writers take: things like reopening a decades old case for reasons as trivial as someone asking them to, people clearly recalling events that happened a lifetime ago, and, yes, people confessing even when evidence against them may be less than concrete.


Edited to add:

And to Collider: Don't worry about spam. Specific reviews are better.

[Collider]

Since you said you don't mind spam...

Apr 15, 2008 10:05:07 GMT -5 toddsmitts said:

Well, I think all stories, like episodes, are not equal. Some of both are better than others. Though I think it's also a matter of taste. Some readers have told me they preferred "Narc" over others, some liked "Windfall" best, some liked "Do No Harm".

Absolutely. With the fics you listed there, I like all three for completely different reasons, in much the same way as I can love one episode for one reason, and another for a different one.

Say, for example... I loved "Windfall", like "The River", for the 80s setting and use of context (I am a sucker for the 80s settings in the episodes themselves, and this fic absolutely held its own alongside them)... "Do Not Harm", like "The Hen House", for the particular curveballs they throw out... and "Narc", like "Shuffle Ball Change", for its choice of songs to underpin the flashback scenes and give them that extra depth.

Not to invade on the conversation or anything... just, y'know, a little more from me in the positive feedback department.

[boxman]

Todd, I want to make sure you know that I did enjoy reading your story. And as I mentioned earlier, I especially like your writing style, so I hope you're not taking my criticism personally.

Apr 15, 2008 10:05:07 GMT -5 toddsmitts said:

And for the record, booze alone didn't make McKinley do what he did or make him think he could get away with it. Like most tragic events, this was not the result of one thing but many things: McKinley's was frustrated at being unable to be with Kate, and his resentment grew at seeing her growing attraction to Milo. He tried to drown his frustation in a few drinks, then worked up the nerve to find Milo and make him back off, not to kill him. Milo's seemingly flippant response only made McKinley angrier, however. Losing his temper, having impaired judgment, and having a loaded weapon on him led to him doing something terrible in the heat of the moment.

At that point, his survival instinct kicked in, leading him to finish Milo off, to keep him from talking, and get rid of the evidence (namely the ballistics report, which I admit was put in simply to explain why the bullets in Milo couldn't be matched to a cop's gun).

Yes, I do understand this is how the murder happened. From my POV, there's many stories of how affairs turn to murder in the news, that I'm quite conditioned to think that intimacy is almost a necessary step/element towards this kind of murder. Without it, I just don't see the motivation to actually commit murder; and really, that's my only problem here. If Kate had returned McKinley's love and it was "consummated" at some time, even just once years ago, then I can understand more easily how his frustration and resentment turned into violence. Without it, I just don't like thinking that cops get drunk and turn violent like this over an unrequited love. Especially when they're already married. I have a high school/college buddy who's a cop, and one of my friend's father-in-law is a retired officer. Therefore, I get critical (and yes, a bit more demanding ) when police officers aren't portrayed in a good light.

[toddsmitts]

Apr 15, 2008 12:47:10 GMT -5 boxman said:

Yes, I do understand this is how the murder happened. From my POV, there's many stories of how affairs turn to murder in the news, that I'm quite conditioned to think that intimacy is almost a necessary step/element towards this kind of murder. Without it, I just don't see the motivation to actually commit murder; and really, that's my only problem here. If Kate had returned McKinley's love and it was "consummated" at some time, even just once years ago, then I can understand more easily how his frustration and resentment turned into violence. Without it, I just don't like thinking that cops get drunk and turn violent like this over an unrequited love. Especially when they're already married. I have a high school/college buddy who's a cop, and one of my friend's father-in-law is a retired officer. Therefore, I get critical (and yes, a bit more demanding ) when police officers aren't portrayed in a good light.

First, I think I should explain something: McKinley was not married anymore at the the time. His marriage ended sometime before he knew Kate. He specifially says this in his confession:

McKinley: This... this job, it killed my marriage. I never thought I’d find someone who understood the things we have to see and do. Then I met Kate.

True, his love was clearly unrequited, but I think he started to view her as perhaps his only chance for happiness, as he thought most other women wouldn't understand the demands of being a cop. It's understandable, then, that he could have become somewhat posessive of her.

As I've mentioned before, it's not like there is any precedence for this, as pretty much any cop show has had a cop kill people at some point. John Finn actually had a short arc on "NYPD Blue" as a corrupt Internal Affairs cop who kills an informant of Bobby Simone's

[boxman]

Hi Todd.

Apr 19, 2008 18:22:25 GMT -5 toddsmitts said:

First, I think I should explain something: McKinley was not married anymore at the the time. His marriage ended sometime before he knew Kate. He specifially says this in his confession:

McKinley: This... this job, it killed my marriage. I never thought I’d find someone who understood the things we have to see and do. Then I met Kate.

That does change everything. I understood this passage as that McKinley was still in a loveless marriage, with the possibility that he's tied in because of kids or other obligations. I didn't read this passage as meaning he was divorced or separated.

True, his love was clearly unrequited, but I think he started to view her as perhaps his only chance for happiness, as he thought most other women wouldn't understand the demands of being a cop. It's understandable, then, that he could have become somewhat posessive of her.

Yes, then this makes sense. He's suffering a continuation of the tragedy of being a cop and public servant: First, with his ex-wife and failed marriage, then second and more poignantly with someone who should understand and empathize with his predicament, but doesn't.

As I've mentioned before, it's not like there is any precedence for this, as pretty much any cop show has had a cop kill people at some point. John Finn actually had a short arc on "NYPD Blue" as a corrupt Internal Affairs cop who kills an informant of Bobby Simone's

I do know of a woman who had divorced a "powerful and connected" man. Single again, she ended up dating a guy who physically abused her. Supposedly, her ex-husband heard of this, and her boyfriend disappeared one day and was never heard from again. This is one example of why I couldn't make the connection of how a jilted lover kills another guy, and why I felt the relationship between McKinley and Kate needed to be closer. As I thought McKinley was still with his wife, I didn't see the "downward spiral" aspect of McKinley's life as you've explained here.

You know, now that you've explained it to me this way, I really like it. It's a gritty working-class tale that I think can strike a chord with most people.

[zoé]

Hey Todd, I told you I’ll post something about your fic.

I’ve been meaning to read this for a long time and it’s weird that I finally read it just after watching Officer Down: some stuff felt déjà-vu although your story has anteriority ;D
the wounded cop waking up at the hospital and the guy who makes justice on the wrong person, very weird timing indeed!

Like I already said for Blood & Water, your story format is great… I used your playlist, took the pics of the actors from imdb and all is set like a real episode in my head. Don’t worry for Kate being used in Wednesday’s Women, I actually prefer her over here. I remember her from 24, but didn’t know anybody else of the cast.

I liked your music selection a lot but is it normal that there is no music for Kate’s flashback? I would have liked one… Her flashback reminded me of the kiss in Blood & Water: why do you have to kill them just before they are finally going to hook up with the girls they like? That’s so sad, but so very coldcasian

I found a few things predictable like Nathanson insisting he needn’t a third kid or Kate and Milo patching things up after their argument but predictable in a good way, because that’s always how it turns up in a real episode.

Didn’t see it coming at all for the doer, though. It makes perfect sense with the “I don’t drink” and the lost ballistics report (completely forgot about that one!). I think I fall into your trap because of the Lilly/Stillman parallel (nice continuity with Stalker, by the way) and didn’t even put the cop in the suspect pool...
The motive is understandable (lost his marriage because of the job, can’t have Kate because of the job, loosing the credit of the operation to Milo in Kate’s eyes, plus the alcohol, you get the perfect heat of the moment type of murder!) and in my mind, the only weakness is the confession coming a little bit too easy. In Discretion or Bad Reputation, they had to use a trick to get the cops to confess.

Anyhow, I really enjoyed your fic. I liked the interrogations and the detectives in Blood & Water better, but I prefer the case and the characters in Narc (Milo was real sweet and I liked Kate straight away probably just because of the casting!). They both have great teaser and closing montage and a well-thought construction. I think it would have made a solid real episode.

Next Windfall!

[toddsmitts]

Mar 24, 2009 19:12:50 GMT -5 zoé said:

Hey Todd, I told you I’ll post something about your fic.

You sure did!

Mar 24, 2009 19:12:50 GMT -5 zoé said:

I’ve been meaning to read this for a long time and it’s weird that I finally read it just after watching Officer Down: some stuff felt déjà-vu although your story has anteriority ;D
the wounded cop waking up at the hospital and the guy who makes justice on the wrong person, very weird timing indeed!

Some other wierd stuff was I finally posted the final chapter right around the time that "Bad Reputation" (another episode with a murdering cop) aired. That episode didn't appear to be too popular around here when it first aired (I think some people didn't take to Saccardo, at least not right away) and my story (as you can see in earlier responses)was compared a bit unflatteringly to the episode, largely because some people were uncomfortable with a cop being a doer. Once I explained a few things though, they eased up and appreciated the story a bit more.

Mar 24, 2009 19:12:50 GMT -5 zoé said:

Like I already said for Blood & Water, your story format is great… I used your playlist, took the pics of the actors from imdb and all is set like a real episode in my head. Don’t worry for Kate being used in Wednesday’s Women, I actually prefer her over here. I remember her from 24, but didn’t know anybody else of the cast.

Alexandra Lydon, I'd also seen "24" and (under heavy makeup) as an alien on "Enterprise" and actually played a cop on two episodes of "Prison Break". Remembering her in a cop uniform from the latter show was one of my inspirations for the character of Kate. Another was the character of Debra on "Dexter" (minus her tendancy for foul language). Like Kate, she's an ambitious, up-and-coming female officer, eager to prove herself, and a bit impulsive. I think Chuck and the one who's name we shall not say's relationship on "Chuck" may have been a source for her relationship with Milo as well.

Titus Welliver (McKinley) and Bill Smitrovich (Greg) have both been in TONS of stuff. Chances are, you saw them in something if you watch enough TV, like I do. Jeremy Howard, I remembered from an episode of "My Name is Earl". The actors playing Jay, Hector, and Tyrone, I actually have never seen in anything. I just scoured IMDB until I found some actors that matched the characters' age and race.

As I've mentioned, I like using actors who've been on one of the other Bruckheimer shows (Without a Trace and the three CSI's), because those shows really do tend to use each others guest actors. One downside to this, however, is sometimes they really do end up appearing on Cold Case, as we see here. (Another recent example is Nicholas Braun from "Blood and Water" showing up in "Shore Leave"). Sometimes I'll go back and change some of the characters in old stories (I did this for a few actors in "Windfall"). Other times, I get too attatched (as in this case) and just ignore it.

(Still, I wonder which role Alexandra herself would have preferred, given the choice. She probably would have picked "Wednesday's Women" because of the message and more screen-time. Still, I think she would have liked mine.)

Mar 24, 2009 19:12:50 GMT -5 zoé said:

I liked your music selection a lot but is it normal that there is no music for Kate’s flashback? I would have liked one…

No, there's no music for Milo and Kate's final moment. I thought it worked better without. Sometimes flashbacks are like that (like Dana admitting what happened in Iraq in "The War at Home"). Notice there's no music during Matt and Carrie's final encounter in "Blood and Water" either. It's not that I made a conscious decision not to have music in the penultimate flashbacks. I just though it worked better without any.

I would imagine some sort of score playing through it though.

Mar 24, 2009 19:12:50 GMT -5 zoé said:

Her flashback reminded me of the kiss in Blood & Water: why do you have to kill them just before they are finally going to hook up with the girls they like? That’s so sad, but so very coldcasian

Yeah, I did kill him right after getting the girl, didn't I? In the end, THAT'S what this story was about. Funny how you can think an episode is about one thing, but it's really about another. "Factory Girls" misleads you for a while into thinking it's about helping a cousin in Europe or some pilfered supplies, but it's really about a woman's right to earn her way.

Similarly, this one's not about undercover work, or bringing down drug dealers, or even about an assaulted cop. It's about a guy winning the heart of the girl he likes (and the triangle that emerged). I just liked that idea of a victim being in love with this girl out of his league and finally getting her. Cold Case hasn't done that too many times. (Except maybe "Bad Night", which I hadn't seen when I wrote this). More often on the show, if a guy likes a girl out of his league, he ends up getting rejected or killing her!

Mar 24, 2009 19:12:50 GMT -5 zoé said:

I found a few things predictable like Nathanson insisting he needn’t a third kid or Kate and Milo patching things up after their argument but predictable in a good way, because that’s always how it turns up in a real episode.

Speaking of which, did you see a connection between Kate being attacked with a long, metal object and Greg's golf clubs? ;D

Mar 24, 2009 19:12:50 GMT -5 zoé said:

Didn’t see it coming at all for the doer, though. It makes perfect sense with the “I don’t drink” and the lost ballistics report (completely forgot about that one!). I think I fall into your trap because of the Lilly/Stillman parallel (nice continuity with Stalker, by the way) and didn’t even put the cop in the suspect pool...
The motive is understandable (lost his marriage because of the job, can’t have Kate because of the job, loosing the credit of the operation to Milo in Kate’s eyes, plus the alcohol, you get the perfect heat of the moment type of murder!) and in my mind, the only weakness is the confession coming a little bit too easy. In Discretion or Bad Reputation, they had to use a trick to get the cops to confess.

True, but Stillman was able to goad McCree into saying the truth in "Forever Blue" with fairly little effort.

The parallel of McKinley to Stillman was definately in my mind. This story was started (and takes place) early in the fifth season, hence the many references to Lilly's shooting. I wanted to Stillman to empathize with McKinley and his keeping vigil over Kate, something Stillman himself might have done for Lilly while she was in the hospital.

Of course, as we see later, McKinley's concern is motivated by something a little more than just feeling responsible for someone under his command. Those feelings, and what they led McKinley to do, show that he and Stillman don't have that much in common after all, and that's why Stillman is so p!ssed at McKinley at the end.

Admit it. Part of you was thinking Jay as the doer. He would have been the classic "Cold Case" doer: A friend of the victim with an addiction that the victim is trying to help. Of course, that's exactly why he couldn't be the doer. (Same as Chris in "Blood and Water"). One other reader suspected Kate herself as the doer. I admit, it would have been interesting to have her be an unconscious victim for most of the story, only to wake up and be arrested for murder. (Or be the doer but not wake up! Intruiging). Ultimately, though, I think McKinley was the best choice.

The lost ballistic report, as mentioned above, was put in out of necessity to explain why the bullets weren't traced back to a cop's gun.

Mar 24, 2009 19:12:50 GMT -5 zoé said:

Anyhow, I really enjoyed your fic. I liked the interrogations and the detectives in Blood & Water better, but I prefer the case and the characters in Narc (Milo was real sweet and I liked Kate straight away probably just because of the casting!). They both have great teaser and closing montage and a well-thought construction. I think it would have made a solid real episode.

I would have LOVED to have seen any of all of these stories acted out in an episode, music and all. So far, no one from the show has called though.


Some other (not-so) quick notes:

-I really like the name "Kate Wyler". I picked Kate cause I sounds like the name an important female character would have (like Kate on "Lost"). The name Wyler, I took from Anthony LaPaglia's character on season two of "Murder One" (though season one with Daniel Benzali is MUCH BETTER). Thus, you get "Kate Wyler", which I think is a good name for a female cop. The only problem is it's a tad close to the name "Kat Miller", whom she actually has scenes with a couple of times. Oh well.

-In all the stories I have, I imagined some specific times when a character would flash to their younger self during a conversation, as they do on the show. It's pretty much impossible to convey those in text without looking silly though. ("He suddenly flashed to how he appeared twenty years ago"). The confession scenes in each story each had one, as did a couple of other scenes. I'd love to know which moments people might guess a character would change, but I can tell you if you want.

-Surprised that not one response from anyone mentioned Lilly looking at the hospital in the end montage. Just a little reminder that she's not quite over the shooting at this point.

-You said you had the playlist. Isn't "Somewhere Out There" a great end song? I'd wanted to use it for an end song for a while, and set the story in 2003 so I could use it here. I also set "Windfall" in 1989 so I could use that story's end song. ("Blood and Water" and "Do No Harm", I didn't though. I was locked into 1986 for the former cause of my conclusions about Lilly's age, and put the latter in 1966 because I was thinking a lot about "A Perfect Day" which had just aired a few month before, so I wanted something around then).

-I recently added a bit to Milo and Kate's final conversation. I decided to have him tell a bit more about his feelings for her, to lend some credibility to her impulsively kissing him like that.

-Before "Wednesday's Women", I considered having a now-recovered Kate show up in another story. Maybe bring a case to the detectives, something like that. Maybe, maybe not.

-After I was finished, it occured to me that "The Alley" would be a pretty good title too.

Mar 24, 2009 19:12:50 GMT -5 zoé said:

Next Windfall!

Gimme a bit of time to tweak a couple of things on that one first, okay?

T.S.

[zoé]

Mar 25, 2009 2:19:39 GMT -5 toddsmitts said:

Alexandra Lydon, I'd also seen "24" and (under heavy makeup) as an alien on "Enterprise" and actually played a cop on two episodes of "Prison Break". Remembering her in a cop uniform from the latter show was one of my inspirations for the character of Kate.

Prison Break, that’s it! I could picture her very clearly with a police officer uniform and I couldn't remember from where, thank you! She was the pregnant woman they took as hostage.

Mar 25, 2009 2:19:39 GMT -5 toddsmitts said:

Another was the character of Debra on "Dexter" (minus her tendancy for foul language). Like Kate, she's an ambitious, up-and-coming female officer, eager to prove herself, and a bit impulsive.

I concur on the likeness with Debra Morgan. Plus, last season she had a relationship with her informant too

Mar 25, 2009 2:19:39 GMT -5 toddsmitts said:

Speaking of which, did you see a connection between Kate being attacked with a long, metal object and Greg's golf clubs? ;D

No, I didn’t! I noticed when the guy mentionned playing golf, because most of the times, the extra info is not random but did not make the connection with Kate’s attack at that time. Afterwards, when Jeffries brought up the connection, I thought it was neat. The attack wasn’t premedited and he had to manage with what he was carrying.

Mar 25, 2009 2:19:39 GMT -5 toddsmitts said:

The parallel of McKinley to Stillman was definately in my mind. This story was started (and takes place) early in the fifth season, hence the many references to Lilly's shooting. I wanted to Stillman to empathize with McKinley and his keeping vigil over Kate, something Stillman himself might have done for Lilly while she was in the hospital.

BTW, I liked the piece of dialog between McKinley/Stillman ‘Besides, I seem to remember you pretty much setting up camp here when Rush got shot’
I love Stillman caring about Lilly ;D

Mar 25, 2009 2:19:39 GMT -5 toddsmitts said:

Admit it. Part of you was thinking Jay as the doer. He would have been the classic "Cold Case" doer: A friend of the victim with an addiction that the victim is trying to help. Of course, that's exactly why he couldn't be the doer.

Actually I didn’t settle on someone in particuliar to be the doer… I tried to look for clues for possible hidden motives. When I watch the show, I usually peg the doer based on his body language, which is tough to write!

Mar 25, 2009 2:19:39 GMT -5 toddsmitts said:

One other reader suspected Kate herself as the doer. I admit, it would have been interesting to have her be an unconscious victim for most of the story, only to wake up and be arrested for murder. (Or be the doer but not wake up! Intruiging).

It would have been quite surprising to make Kate the doer… first because there are not enough female doers (and no cop female doers, the one is Justice is the closest) and secondly because it’s original to feel bad for a character the whole episode only to find out that they deserve it in the end. It would have been tricky to get the murder flashback in the case she never wakes up! That said, I like better that McKinley is the doer and that Kate and Milo kissed in the alley!

Mar 25, 2009 2:19:39 GMT -5 toddsmitts said:

I really like the name "Kate Wyler". I picked Kate cause I sounds like the name an important female character would have (like Kate on "Lost"). The name Wyler, I took from Anthony LaPaglia's character on season two of "Murder One" (though season one with Daniel Benzali is MUCH BETTER). Thus, you get "Kate Wyler", which I think is a good name for a female cop. The only problem is it's a tad close to the name "Kat Miller", whom she actually has scenes with a couple of times. Oh well.

Wow, you choose everything with so much care! Kate Wyler is a catchy name. I was wondering how the cc writers were picking the first names for the victims… There have been very few redundancy.

Mar 25, 2009 2:19:39 GMT -5 toddsmitts said:

In all the stories I have, I imagined some specific times when a character would flash to their younger self during a conversation, as they do on the show. It's pretty much impossible to convey those in text without looking silly though. ("He suddenly flashed to how he appeared twenty years ago"). The confession scenes in each story each had one, as did a couple of other scenes. I'd love to know which moments people might guess a character would change, but I can tell you if you want.

Narrating a visual effect? Never a good idea… Perhaps just setting that particular sentence in bold? The flashovers didn’t exactly cross my mind, this being a recent case with no double casting…
Here are my picks for the flashover moments:
Nathanson : I thought maybe we could be partners running the business someday.
Kate : Milo didn’t screw anything up !
McKinley somewhere in there : I didn’t owe him anything! I worked for a year to bring Devereaux in! Me! You don’t get to come in at the last minute and take the credit! That doesn’t make you a hero! It doesn’t mean you deserve a girl like her!

Mar 25, 2009 2:19:39 GMT -5 toddsmitts said:

Surprised that not one response from anyone mentioned Lilly looking at the hospital in the end montage. Just a little reminder that she's not quite over the shooting at this point.

Yep, it's well in context. I think it would have worked better on me if I had read it at the beginning of season 5, because we are now almost 2 years later and the “she’s not over the shooting” is getting old

Mar 25, 2009 2:19:39 GMT -5 toddsmitts said:

You said you had the playlist. Isn't "Somewhere Out There" a great end song? I'd wanted to use it for an end song for a while, and set the story in 2003 so I could use it here.

I confess I didn’t know this song beforehood I have a musical culture for the current decade flirting with absolute 0 (I don’t listen to the radio nor watch TV and Cold Case is the reason why it’s not a complete 0!). It is definetely a perfect closing song for a cc episode.

Mar 25, 2009 2:19:39 GMT -5 toddsmitts said:

Before "Wednesday's Women", I considered having a now-recovered Kate show up in another story. Maybe bring a case to the detectives, something like that. Maybe, maybe not.

I am all for the discreet recurring characters... I miss Gil Sherman, Anna Mayes, Frannie and Louis!

Mar 25, 2009 2:19:39 GMT -5 toddsmitts said:

After I was finished, it occured to me that "The Alley" would be a pretty good title too.

Narc is a fine misleading title ;D

Thanks for your notes! It’s always cool to hear how you build your stories. I miss that about Cold Case. A podcast like for BSG or Lost is surely too much to ask but I would love to hear a bit from the writers about the process of making an episode, from how they choose a thema, the year, the music and then the casting choices… if they have a guide or some kind of "receipe" for making a cold case.

Mar 25, 2009 2:19:39 GMT -5 toddsmitts said:

Mar 24, 2009 19:12:50 GMT -5 zoé said:

Next Windfall!

Gimme a bit of time to tweak a couple of things on that one first, okay?

Thanks for the gesture, but no hurries!

[luvztorite]

I'm new here and have really enjoyed some of the fanfiction. This one is especially good, just like a real episode. I like that you've chosen music to go with the flashbacks and that the conversations are authentic and go with the backstory of the characters and the plot of previous episodes. Can't wait for the next one!

luvztorite