Momma's Girl

[michelle]

I don't have a whole lot to start with here, but I thought if I got the first post going, it might light a fire under me to get writing faster.

Momma’s Girl

“Look lively, Rush. Got one for you.”

Lilly raised her head, her attention leaving the case summary she was filling out. Interest sparkled in her eyes. She’d been working current homicides for the past week, strictly as an assistant, filling in wherever she was needed. Mostly, the need had been in tedious, boring tasks that kept her at her desk, behind the computer monitor, or with pen in hand. Although she was glad to do what she could, something inside her chafed at being the back-up, the helper. She much preferred to feel in control, to be the one in charge. Not that she officially headed the cold cases, they were a team and everyone was equal, but she knew that if any of the others were asked who was in charge, the immediate answer would be “that’s Lil”. Even Scotty, during their strained relationship last year, had deferred to her. Of course, Stillman ruled over all but even he let Lilly run where she would more often than not.

“We solved this one right out of the gate, nearly ten years ago.” Stillman rested his foot on Lilly’s side chair and balanced a file folder on his knee. “Turns out we probably messed up. Look, here.”
He passed an x-ray to Lilly, side view of someone’s head. She held it up to the light, waiting for an explanation.

“There’s a new guy down in forensics, still a trainee, and the guys down there were pulling out old stuff for him to look at. Kind of give him a feel of how it would be, right? Anyway, he spots this here.” Stillman’s finger traced the obvious black line that bisected the cloudy gray of brain matter in the x-ray.”

“Bullet path.” Lil stated the obvious.

“Right. In the head of a 35 year old man. Shot, supposedly, by his 9 year old daughter.”

“Talk about daddy issues.”

“Mom was shot too. The kid confessed right then. Had the gun still in her hand when they found her. Pretty cut and dried. Adolescent angst, parents didn’t understand her.” He shook his head. “Who knows, with kids now? Problem is, the girl says she stood right in front of them, shot them dead in the face.”

“Bullet trajectory is nearly horizontal,” Lilly murmured. “Either this girl was really tall, or she stood on a stool for the shooting. This path should be angled upward, at least a little, for a child to shoot an adult.”

Stillman nodded. “She just turned 18 a few months ago and was released from juvie.” He dropped the folder on her desk. “The rest of the case is still in the file room. It’s all yours.”

Lilly grinned. “Thanks Boss.”

Comments/reviews welcome and appreciated. Lots of dialogue in this one. Does it sound realistic?

[longislanditalian2]

Michelle, Nice start good storyline so far.
Please continue

[tiger_lilly]

Very interesting. Sounds like a great case too. Keep going .

[jambled]

Hey Michelle! Sounds damn interesting so far! Should be good when the story unfolds a little more. Although one teeny tiny thing (and i totally hate pointing things out, but it just got to me because i'm one of those anal people and, y'know...) Adolescent angst; and she was nine. guess she was uber mature, right? I mean she did shoot both parents. So that's what i'm going to put it down to, k. Next chapter should be great, though. I mean, Lil interacting with this girl who thinks no one understood her... Kinda like how she was with the guy in the ep... You know where she flipped out at him; 'i was too proud to ask for help for way too long.' totally can't remember the ep name; I'm so bad at names of things. So that should set you up for some great 'i know how you feel' type scenes. and I like how you introduced Lilly in as the boss, and the way scotty defers to her. that was a nice personal touch. Oh, I want to meet this new guy in forensics, too. Is he a hottie? Lol. Can't wait till chapter 2!

[michelle]

Although one teeny tiny thing (and i totally hate pointing things out, but it just got to me because i'm one of those anal people and, y'know...)

Please, don't ever NOT point something out!!

[r2k]

Very good beginning, Michelle. I like the reason for reopening the case. Original. Keep going. By the way, you may be better off reading all my fan fics. I say this because a few things happen between numbers 3 and 17 that are somewhat important. Be patient and read them all in order. You'll understand why later.

[TVFan]

Great start Michelle. I can't wait to read more.

[michelle]

I hope you guys like this segment. I really enjoyed writing it.

“So, we’ve got Hannah McIntire, a nine year old girl, kills Mom and Dad.” Lilly pulled her chair closer, planted her butt on her desk, and her feet on the chair. Vera straddled her side chair, backwards, Kat leaned against a neighboring desk, one elbow cupped in her hand, the other hand propped under her chin. “Not enough allowance, they just don’t understand her, her best friend’s mom lets her go out with boys already . . . whatever.”

“She’s six months out of juvie. Free and clear. Record wiped clean now.” Vera joined in the verbal brainstorming, rehashing what they’d learned from the file. “No family left, seems like she’s doing okay though. Working, got a place to live, no other convictions.”

“Yet.” Both Lilly and Kat chimed in.

Vera shrugged. “All right. Yet. So what’re we looking at here? She may not be the doer? But, come on, what nine year old is gonna confess to something like that? Either she did it, or she’s seriously twisted. Gun in her hand, dead parents at her feet. Better off that she was locked up either way. Nut case.”

Lilly directed a laser glance at him; he caught her eye and smiled, oblivious.

“Suspects?” Kat prompted. “There’s not much by way of follow up in the records.”

“No, there’s not.” Lilly bit down on the thumbnail of her left hand; the stubbornly remaining remnant of a childhood habit of chewing nails down to the quick. “Hardly any. But there was a party at the house that night. Someone who was there might know more. Maybe saw something. We’ve got the names of the guests, anyway. Not much else, but it’s a start.”

“There was a housekeeper. Live in.” Kat volunteered. “We should talk to her. She’s the only one left who knew what went on in that house.”

“Except crazy Hannah.” Vera’s contribution.

“I’ll talk to the housekeeper,” Kat volunteered.

Kat didn’t mind working alone, Lilly noted, not for the first time. She didn’t need a partner always by her side to back her up, didn’t need to have someone to fall back on. It was an admirable trait. Showed a strong person. Sometimes she wished there was more opportunity for she and Kat to talk. Just the two of them, and not about work. From what Lilly knew of her, she was a woman worthy of admiration.

“Okay. I think Vera and I should catch up with Hannah and see what she has to say these days.”

Kat was up and on the way almost before Lilly finished speaking.

“Umm, gimme three minutes. Bathroom run.”

In spite of herself, Lilly grinned at Vera. He was like an older brother, always trying to burp the alphabet, or give Indian burns. Irritating, but irreplaceable.

“You busy right now, Lil?”

“Will. I thought you and Scotty were out doing a door-to-door. Playing hooky?" She smiled. “Tell me you didn’t sneak away and leave him out there.”

“Nah. Not a bad idea though. We finished up early. Not many folks home in the middle of the day. We’ll head back out tonight.”

“I feel for you.” She raked her hair back before once again propping her chin on her hand. “Whatcha need?”

“Well, uh, I just wanted to tell you. . .” He moved closer so no one could overhear, leaning against her desk, next to where she sat. She studied him, not alarmed exactly, but wary. “You’re looking real good lately. Not, I mean, not like that.” He bumbled, not wanting his words misconstrued. “Happy, I mean. It’s good to see.”

Lilly looked down, studied her shoes on her chair, debating how to respond. Her first inclination was to offer a brief thanks and go find Vera.

“You know, I am.” She said finally, meeting his gaze once again. “It’s good to . . . to have someone that matters. And to matter to someone.”

Jeffries nodded and stood to go. “I just wanted to let you know. You deserve to be happy.”

“Wait.” Lilly stopped him before he could move away. “Do you think. . . I mean, well, do you still miss your wife, Will?” The last was blurted out all in a rush.

He nodded slowly. “Every. Single. Day.” Each word spoken with measured emphasis.

“Would you, if you could, would you have never loved her? So you wouldn’t be able to miss her?”

A broad smile bloomed on Jeffries face. “Not a chance. Never, Lil. Never. If it’s right, it’s always worth it. I promise you that.”

“Yeah?”

“Absolutely.”

“You ready?” Vera walked over, adjusting his gun belt, straightening his shirt where it was tucked into his pants. “What are you doing here?” He addressed Jeffries.

“Got back early. I’ll let you guys get on your way.” He reached over and pinched Lil’s chin between thumb and forefinger. “You need anything, let me know. You’ll be okay.”

She nodded. “Maybe we’ll talk, again. I think I’d like that.”

To be continued, hopefully soon
Feedback desired. All comments welcome. Response motivates me to write faster

[longislanditalian2]

Please continue the storyline is well written , I can't wait for the next chapter

[The Reverend Bizarre]

So far I'm liking it, very well written.

[frenchfan]

Michelle,

Very interesting beginning, written always so well. I like the way in which you make us share the thoughts of Lilly.

And I particularly appreciated this passage.

“Would you, if you could, would you have never loved her? So you wouldn’t be able to miss her?”
A broad smile bloomed on Jeffries face. “Not a chance. Never, Lil. Never. If it’s right, it’s always worth it. I promise you that.”
“Yeah?”
“Absolutely.”

You manage to seize one part of the personality of Lilly with this simple interrogation.

[michelle]

FrenchFan

[tiger_lilly]

Ok, finally got around to reading the next part.

I love how this makes me think of the beginning of an episode. The way you describe everything - I can just see it. And the way you make them interact, it's so perfect. I might even say it's BETTER than an episode. You're showing us some things we don't get to see on CC, which is Lilly's thoughts. This is great, Michelle, can't wait to read more .

[michelle]

“Things in that house sure weren’t how they were when I grew up,” Martha Haagen, former housekeeper of the McIntire family confided to Kat. “When I was a youngster, the dad worked, the mom stayed home, and children knew their places. Oh, but that was a ways back. Times change.”

“How were things with the McIntires?” Kat leaned forward in her chair, prepared to catch each word and expression of the woman seated on the couch across from her.

“Well, I felt for that child, I surely did. Mom and Dad fighting. Not normal marriage spats. Crazy fighting. You know.” She twirled her finger in the air beside her head. I don’t think Jeanette was right. It seemed like, for no reason at all, she’d just start screaming and yelling at Carl, throwing things, slamming doors, and then she’d just run off somewhere to hide. Sometimes just in another room, but there were times . . . she stayed in the coat closet once for hours. Under the dining room table one time. Just crazy stuff. I’m telling you.”

“How did Hannah handle all that?”

“That’s the worst thing. Jeanette seemed to think she and Hannah were a team, or something, against Carl. She’d tell her things; like how Carl was trying to poison her so Hannah wouldn’t have a mommy anymore. Or Carl had other women and was going to leave them one day and they’d have no money and no place to live. Sometimes she’d just go on and on that Carl was a bad man. Over and over. ‘He’s a bad man. Really bad. Don’t forget it. Don’t ever trust him.’ “

“Was there any truth to any of it?”

“None that I ever saw. Don’t get me wrong, he was no saint, and he had no problem screaming and yelling right back at her once she got going, but what else could he do? I think the part that really messed Hannah up—was that it wasn’t always like that, not every day. Eighty percent of the time Jeanette was either throwing a fit or in a sulk. She’d go days not speaking to Carl. But then there were times, sometimes they lasted as long as a week, when she’d be as normal as anyone else. It was calm around here for a change, and everyone was happy, and she seemed to actually love Carl during those times. A really nice family then. Really nice.” She nodded her emphasis. “Every time, I’d hope it would stay that way. It never did.”

“Must have been a rough place to work.”

“Oh, I had it easy compared to them—Hannah and Carl. I was just a bystander. It was never directed at me. Sometimes I’d wonder if she even knew I was there. And I could get away when it got too much to even be around. I lived at the house, but I had by own apartment over the garage, so it was almost like leaving. I don’t think I would have stayed so many years if I’d had to have been really in the same house with them.”

“You were there six years?”

“Almost seven. Hannah was two when I started. Oh, back then mother and daughter would scream and throw tantrums together. I swear they fed off each other. Hannah outgrew it. Jeanette never did. Why Carl stayed on is beyond me. I don’t know how he could have loved her, but he must’ve. And there was no doubt in my mind that he loved his little girl. Funny thing—she loved him too, in spite of her mother. During Jeanette’s good times, or when she was off hiding without Hannah, they’d come together like normal father and daughter. Like maybe somehow Hannah knew all her momma’s ramblings couldn’t be true, even though she’d been hearing them from the time she was in diapers.”

“Tell me about the night of the murders.”

Martha sat back and took a long breath, her gaze seeming to turn inward. “It was December. They had parties, oh, maybe every other month. Jeanette always seemed able to gather herself together for them. I think having a lot of people around helped her somehow. They’d invite friends from Carl’s work, people they knew in the neighborhood, miscellaneous friends they’d picked up along the way. Jeanette could be rather charming and outgoing when she was doing well, so she’d made a handful of friends along the way too, even though she didn’t work.

“That night, there were about 30 people over. Most of their parties were pretty informal. Just snacks, lots of drinking, music. Everyone having a good time. The weather had been really cold that year, so they decided to have a tropical party. Didn’t mean a whole lot, as a theme, just that everyone wore their summer clothes and they had frozen drinks ready to make if anyone wanted them. It started out being one of the best parties they’d had. There was quite a buildup of snow on the ground, for early December, and it started snowing again that night. Next thing you know, there’s people all over the back yard making snow angels, having snowball fights, couples rolling around wrestling. All wearing shorts and t-shirts. Carl told me to fill those little bathroom Dixie cups with rum, and some of them with Cinnamon schnapps and line them all up out on the patio table in the back yard for when people got cold.” Martha chuckled. “It was the darndest thing I ever saw. A back yard full of grown people playing in the snow. It didn’t take long before a lot of them started stripping down. Oh, nothing awfully scandalous. One woman ended up in nothing but her bra and panties; she was the most undressed one. Mostly, people were shirtless, but no underclothes came off. Certainly, I’d never been a guest at a party like that, but I’ll tell you honestly—it looked like fun. Silliness. Harmless. Guess I’m too old for that now. Do you know, I’ll be 65 next month? Sometimes I just don’t know how that can be.”
“So there was no trouble at all? Where was Hannah during all this?”

“Now, that is one thing I did have a problem with. Hannah was out there too, watching it all. The only one with sense enough to have on long pants and a coat. She kind of disappeared into the crowd. She had a way of doing that, just blending in, watching, listening, drawing no attention to herself.

“I did at one point think there might be an argument between Jeanette and Carl. The woman that was dressed only in her underwear threw herself at Carl. Not in a sexy way. It looked like she was just trying to push him into the snow. But he saw her coming and caught hold of her for a second and they laughed and both went on their own ways. I saw Jeanette standing a little way off, and she was watching. Oh, you bet she was. I’m surprised the snow around her didn’t melt from the glare she was burning in that direction.”

“Had she been drinking a lot?”

“Oh, they all had been. Jeanette—she’d had enough to be out there in bare feet, shorts and a bra and not feel the cold. So, yeah, she’d had her share. But she didn’t make a fuss about Carl and that woman. In fact, I saw Jeanette with him a little time later, holding his hand. They looked as happy together as I’d ever seen them. Of course, a lot may have gone on that I didn’t see. People were coming in and out of the house. In to warm up, and then back out to play in the snow. I was busy trying to keep the floor toweled up so no body would slip and bust their ass, you know?

“And then, next thing I know, I heard the gun shots. Could have been 30 minutes later, could have been two hours. I guess you know the rest better than I do. I didn’t go out there, but I’ve heard about it, and I’m glad I didn’t see it.”

Kat had read the responding officers’ report just that morning. Snow soaked red and turned slushy with blood. Two crumpled bodies. Standing between them, as if turned to stone, a young girl still clutching a revolver.

As always, comments welcome. The more, the better.
To be continued

[frenchfan]

Michelle,

You know that I like particularly the way you make us share the feelings and the intimate thoughts of Lilly.
But with this part, I note still more how much your talent is large for the description of the characters, the events and the details.

During Jeanette’s good times, or when she was off hiding without Hannah, they’d come together like normal father and daughter. Like maybe somehow Hannah knew all her momma’s ramblings couldn’t be true, even though she’d been hearing them from the time she was in diapers.”

She kind of disappeared into the crowd. She had a way of doing that, just blending in, watching, listening, drawing no attention to herself.

I’m surprised the snow around her didn’t melt from the glare she was burning in that direction.”

With these three beautiful sentences, I can begin to perceive the character of the persons.You have a big sense of the precision and the conciseness.

I totally entered your story.

[longislanditalian2]

Michelle,

I totally love your story, I can actually picture what the characters really look like and how they relate to each other. Please continue

[tiger_lilly]

Great chapter michelle! Yes, the way you describe things and people is done so well. I was there in the snow, you know.

[jambled]

Hey michelle I love this! It's really, really well written. Loved the Lilly/Will interaction. And the promise of some Lilly/Kat time. Those two really don't seem to talk very much at all in the show. I think WIlkommen had their greatest interaction which consisted of a glare from Lilly. Or maybe Joseph and the dead people's pictures talk lol. So if you can work something in with those two, it would add another fantastic facet to this very real Lilly you're building for us. *sigh*. Love it.

[michelle]

finally, and long overdue! As always, please comment--the good, the bad, and the ugly

“You enjoying life on the outside, Hannah?” Lilly directed the question to the surly young woman stand before her; hip cocked to one side, arms crossed over her chest, unnaturally black hair veiling overly made-up eyes. She chewed bubble gum—noisily—and obnoxiously blew a bubble, popping it loudly in Lilly’s direction before answering.

“It’s all right. Was anyway, till you had to show up. Didja hafta come to my job? Huh? Trying to mess things up for me?” She gestured around the warehouse, at crates piled high, forming corridors throughout the cavernous space. Forklifts moved among them, yellow lights flashing, beeping when they backed up. A chill emanated from the concrete floor. Lilly could feel it rising up her legs. She resisted a shiver.

“We’re looking into your case again Hannah. Thought there might be more you could tell us.”

“What’s to tell? I shot them and I’ve done my time. I don’t know why you people are bothering me.”

Vera bristled. “Look kid. You don’t wanna take that attitude with us. Might make it difficult for you if we have to come back here. A lot.”

Another pink bubble appeared, grew, popped. Hannah shrugged. “There’s always welfare if I lose my job. You people have been paying to support me for the past ten years, nearly. Don’t bother me if you want to keep on.”

“Hannah, look.” Lilly spoke before Vera could begin an argument. “We just want to know why the shooting happened. And how. How did you know where your father kept his gun? How did you know how to shoot it?” And how did you manage to shoot straight through his head although you were nearly three feet shorter than him, she thought, but did not ask.

“He was stupid. He kept it in the nightstand, loaded. The dumb$hit was lucky Mom didn’t shoot him long before. I mean, he was stupid but she was so far out of her freaking mind that her brain had a different zip code from the rest of her. She was psycho. Would’ve liked to take me to crazy land with her.”

“How do you mean?” Vera.

Hannah rolled her eyes, tugged on a lock of black black hair and chewed like a cow with a tasty wad of cud. “She was always telling me how bad everyone else was, how they were all out to get us. Especially dad. She’d tell me he wanted to kill her so he could have me all to himself to beat, and torture, and starve.” Another eye roll. “Said he’d do away with me too, once he got bored of all that. Or marry some other woman who would be the evil stepmother and treat me worse than some Cinderella slave. Said I had to save her, make sure nothing happened to her, so she could protect me. Had to take care of her. Always watch out for Mom. Save her. Protect her. $hit, I was just a kid. She was too crazy for a whole staff of psychiatrists to save. What was I supposed to do?” Hannah kicked angrily at the concrete floor and shrugged, then met Lilly’s eyes for the first time. “So I took care of things. The only way I could.”

“We’re wasting our time,” Vera muttered as they made their way out of the warehouse. “Cops back then said she did it. She says she did it. Seems like there was some kind of motive, twisted as it was. She’s done her time. Case closed.”

“Yeah. . .”

Vera snorted. “What? You wanna go on some crusade to fix crazy Hannah? Poor girl had it rough at home so it’s ok to kill off mom and dad? You looking to make excuses for her, Lil?”

“Why would she shoot him like this. . .” Lilly raised an arm above her head, pointing an imaginary gun of thumb and forefinger, “. . . instead of like this?” She pointed the same finger at an upward inclined angle from a level nearer her shoulder.

“Why would she shoot them at all, Lil? You’re nit picking. Looking for conflicts that aren’t there. Or don’t matter.”

“Boss said something about the case this morning. I don’t know if the police report backs it up. We need to check.”

“What?”

“According to Boss, Hannah said she shot her parents in the face.”

“So?”

“So, the mom was shot in the side of the head.”


“Muzzle burns,” Lilly mused. Reading the coroner’s report while her feet blindly followed the familiar path through her home to the bedroom. She dumped the stack of files, notes, and reports on the foot of the bed and retrieved the x-ray. Dad’s bullet wound. A straight trajectory. She held it to the light to better see it, to study the pattern of blacks and grays on the film before propping it against the lamp on her bedside table. She settled atop the covers, cross legged, comfortable in flannel jammie pants and a cotton top, and picked up the coroner’s report again.

Distinctive burn to the temple, indicating the mom had been shot, not just at close range, but with the gun actually in contact with her head. Would she have just stood there, motionless, and allowed her daughter to do that? Possible, crazy as everyone indicated she had been. Insane, and drunk too. She very well could have stood still for it while Hannah pulled the trigger. Could have even found some romance in the idea. Dying like a martyr. Victim of matricide. Her last thought that motherhood was a thankless job. Lilly had certainly heard the one often enough.

The shower fell silent and a moment later the bathroom door opened. Joseph, swathed in only a towel, water still glistening on his skin, entered the room. Lilly felt a tightening, a quickening, at just the sight of him. His smile was slow, seductive. She was utterly willing to acquiesce to the implied seduction. She began gathering papers together to place them out of the way on the floor.

She felt Joseph watching her, knew his eyes roamed over her, slowly, as if each time he saw her was the first time. She glanced at him just as his eyes met hers and saw his shift beyond her.

“Jesus, Lil. Are we sleeping with x-rays now?”

“What?” Her eyes widened in disbelief and annoyance. She looked from him to the x-ray, snatched it up, and slapped it atop the other materials she’d so quickly collected and piled up in anticipation of his joining her in bed.

“No. We’re not sleeping with x-rays now Joseph. Perish the thought.” She jumped up and started out of the room, papers held tight in one arm.

“Wait. I didn’t mean it like that, Lil.”

She paused only long enough to direct a steely glare in his direction. “You’ve got water all over the damn floor. Clean it up.” Childish as she knew it was, she took great satisfaction in slamming the door as she left the room.

[tiger_lilly]

Great chapter Michelle! The interrogation of Hannah was really well written, both Lil's and Vera's reactions were really believable. And wow, Hannah is such a PIA .

I see you are writing your annoyance with Joseph into your fanfic as well hehehe. ;D

Can't wait for more!