On a Bench

[jambled]

This is my first fanfic so... Be gentle! It's vaguely LS, but not entirely. Just a little angsty.

Disclaimer: Anyone you recognise doesn’t belong to me. This particular version of Patrick is claimed, however, as is all the holes in history that I’ve filled in of my own accord. The order the words are in is also mine.

Playlist: How We Operate by Gomez :: The Ocean Breathes Salty by Modest Mouse :: Worn Me Down by Rachel Yamagata :: Thanks for Your Time by Gotye :: Hands Open by Snow Patrol :: Somersault by Zero 7 :: Hail to Whatever you found in the Sunlight that Surrounds You by Rilo Kiley :: Salvation by Black Rebel Motorcycle Club.


Scotty was sitting on the bench outside. A decent side-effect of him being right outside the police station was that the bench was clear; the homeless people who wandered the streets like grey nomads were seeking shelter elsewhere tonight, knowing that they’d be rumbled from here quickly.
The night was pristine; effortlessly clear with the cold, stars sparkling high above despite the pollution haze over the city. Scotty looked up, inhaling deeply, almost enjoying the sting of the chilled air as it settled in his lungs. He looked to his right as footsteps became audible, scraping up the street. A man, tall and lean with the graceful finesse of a dancer, the physique of a gymnast and the wary eyes of an off-duty cop was making his way towards Scotty. He stopped for a moment, looking towards the station and not seeing what he wanted before coming to sit beside Scotty. He shifted on the seat, pulled out a crumpled packet of Newport Lights.
“Smoke?” He offered to Scotty, who shook his head. Cupping his hands to light his cigarette, Scotty saw he was older than he’d thought. Late thirties, judging by the lines beginning to etch around the eyes and, more so, the look in those eyes. Somewhat weary, somewhat tired. Eyes that had seen more of life than the average citizen. Scotty could relate.
“You a cop?” Scotty briefly wondered how he should answer before he saw the look in the other guy’s eyes. He’d been made as soon the stranger had sat down. Scotty nodded, shifted his feet as the cold started sinking through his suit, chilling his muscles. He was waiting for a taxi; the always promised but never appearing midnight taxi. His car had blown a head gasket that morning and though Lil had offered to drive him home, he’d called through for a cab. They lived on opposite ends of town and, from the way she’d taken to this case, he wasn’t entirely sure what time she was planning on leaving.
“Yeah. I was, once. Night duty for five years. Feels like a lifetime ago.” The stranger took a long drag on his cigarette before looking at it with stern brows. Although it was only half burnt down, he stubbed it out on an icy, metal chair leg. Offering Scotty a quick glance, he shrugged.
“Always planning on quitting. I managed to stop smoking for two years. Best two years of my life.” He fell silent again, hands going to his pocket as if to pull out another cigarette, but falling uselessly to his lap before they could bring out the packet.
“Hm.” Scotty said noncommittally. It wasn’t that he didn’t like talking to people; he couldn’t have this job if he couldn’t communicate, but he didn’t understand going beyond idle chitchat with strangers. Of course, maybe because of this point of view or just something about his face or manner, he rarely invited strangers to impart anything other than a few offered words about the weather or the state of the stock market. It was always Lilly who’s face seemed to unclamp the jaws and rattle loose the secrets of anyone. That’s why she was so damn good at her job; that and her almost psychic ability to be able to pick out a suspect’s weakness.
“She’s in there.” The stranger motioned towards the door of the police station and Scotty looked over at him, having almost abandoned his vigil for the taxi whose service had guaranteed would be there a half hour ago.
“Who?” Scotty asked. He made a quick decision; if he had to be out here, he may as well have a conversation. From what he’d heard so far, it might be an interesting one. It’d take his mind off freezing anyway.
“The one woman I should have held onto. She made me quit smoking. Not with remarks that it was a filthy habit, or that she hated the smell but because I knew… I knew she wanted me to be alive to see our grandkids graduate.” As he talked, the stranger’s eyes were slightly illuminated by the street light to the left of them, revealing a lightness that hadn’t been there before.
“She was beautiful. And I’m not just saying that because I loved her. She was actually beautiful. And when she smiled, when she laughed, everyone couldn’t help but laugh with her.” There was a self deprecating chuckle from beside him.
“You might not get it. I probably sound like some love sick cracker out of some Shakespeare play or something. But she was something.”
“No, I get it.” Scotty said, looking back down the road. His thoughts immediately trailed back to Elissa, to when she was having a good day. When it was good with her, it was perfect for him.

[jambled]

“She could curl ice cream perfectly, you know, when it rolls with the scoop. And sometimes, for no reason, she’d wear red lipstick and high heels around the house, just because she could. She loved Christmas, too. Sometimes we’d lie under the tree, holding hands, looking up at the lights. She was perfect but I just didn’t get it then. What I wouldn’t give…” He trailed off, and for a moment each of them were lost in their own thoughts. Scotty could sympathise with a tortured mind when he heard it. He’d felt the same way; so stupidly in love that he would still throw himself off the bridge if it would bring her back. And he knew that it was the little things that you missed more than anything. For the stranger, curled ice cream, red lipstick, Christmas tree lights viewed from beneath. For him, socks paired with odd socks, post-it notes on the fridge with silly sayings on them, the way she had to fold shirts with the collars up.
“So what happened?” Scotty asked. For some reason he needed to hear how it ended. Obviously it wasn’t a happy ending but if she was working in the Philly PD, it wasn’t as tragic an end as Scotty was living with.
“I was stupid. A typical male. It wasn’t enough she’d agreed to marry me. I needed more. What did she call me? Such a worthless part of the human race that she should have known better than to waste her time on me.” Shaking his head, the stranger sighed quietly.
“Of course she was right. I should have known.” He seemed to retreat into his own thoughts further then, forgetting that Scotty was even there.
“She was so hurt already, so damaged before I even met her. If she hadn’t left, maybe we’d be married now, living somewhere interstate, running around after the three kids she always wanted instead of wondering if she’s going to be wounded again. I should have known she wouldn’t have been able to take it. God, I was so selfish. After everything she’d been through already…” Dropping his head to his hands, rubbing his hands over his hair, the stranger was quiet once more. Scotty didn’t know whether he should ask what she’d been through before, whomever she might be. He wondered vaguely if it was Lilly, but disregarded the idea. He knew Lil had skeletons in her closet; the sadness in her eyes sometimes, the throwaway comments she made about her mother, her childhood. But Scotty didn’t think that she’d have a long lost lover somewhere back there. Besides that, he couldn’t imagine her taking the time to lie under a Christmas tree, couldn’t imagine her living interstate or wanting three children.
“When she was a kid… It makes me sick just thinking about it. She couldn’t even tell me herself, I had to look it up on her 49. Breaking the jaw of a kid… What that @#@#ing sonovab*tch took from her… What she didn’t report…” The unfilled long pauses between the stranger’s words were spaces that Scotty could fill in for himself; he’d read between the lines on enough 49s to know what was being inferring. The stranger’s hands moved down and he rubbed his eyes, looking suddenly weary.

“I’ll see you tomorrow. And Lil- great catch on that ’62 connection.” Vera’s voice could be heard clearly as he came through the door. He’d worked late with Lil; seemed to be working late as much as he could. Scotty figured it was because he didn’t have anything at home anymore. He could identify.
“Yeah, you would’ve picked it up. Eventually.” The smile in Lil’s voice was evident and, looking over towards the station entrance, Scotty sensed but didn’t see his mysterious companion start, turn and stand at the sound of Lilly’s voice. He did see Lilly’s pace falter as she came towards them, saw something in her eyes flicker and change.
“Lil.” Her voice was whispered on a touch of air by the stranger and Scotty almost felt the hairs stand up on the back of his neck at her reaction to it. The pain running through her eyes. The flare of her nostrils as she damped it down, took control. Another moment, and the hairs on the back of his neck did stand up.
Lilly. The 49. He knew, from her interview with George, that she’d been involved in something when she was a kid. He’d taken it upon himself to look it up later, only to find it had been removed. He was guessing Stillman had been involved in misplacing that particular file. He’d never thought it was a broken jaw. Never thought there could have been anything more to it…
“Patrick.” Lilly said. Her voice was flat, her eyes so emotionless they could have been dead, the blue shimmering dark in her pale face.
“God, it’s been so long-.” Patrick’s tone towards her was reverent and, in contrast, Lilly’s returning words felt darker, emotions stirred beneath the surface.
“It’s been a long time for a reason.” As he was talking, Patrick had moved closer to Lilly. His height dwarfed her small frame and she crossed her arms, taking a defensive stance but not letting herself move back. There was silence between them until Patrick spoke again.
“I just moved to Philly. I thought…” He trailed off as Lilly looked away from both of them, down the street where a taxi turned, the headlights briefly splashing over all of them, garishly illuminating the scene.
Scotty stood, hands in his pockets. He didn’t want to leave Lil here with this guy. He didn’t want to come charging in as her protector, either; she’d just regret it and push him away. Her eyes had followed the taxi and her head was tilted towards him now, the depths of her eyes sheltered in shadow. Her arms were still crossed, and the awkward silence had grown to a crescendo. Deciding to risk the wrath of Lilly, Scotty jogged down to the taxi. A few quick words and it was driving off. He was vaguely glad he hadn’t decided to take it home; from what he’d smelt when he leant in, the taxi driver had been eating pickles with the windows up. He hoped he’d been eating pickles.
“Lil, can I get a ride? He didn’t want to drive over that side of town.” Scotty knew it was a white lie Lilly would see through as soon as it was out of his mouth, but he was betting that the stranger, Patrick, wouldn’t realise he lived in a neighbourhood that the taxi service would actually venture into.
Lil paused a moment, and Scotty wondered whether she was about to refuse, whether he’d have to wait another hour for a taxi. The only other ex that had visited her at work had waited for her outside, much like this. After wanting him to know she was dead, Lil changed her mind and rode away with him.
Abruptly she took a step back and nodded to him, her eyes never leaving Patrick’s, leading Scotty to breathe a muffled sigh of relief. He wasn’t sure what the relief was to; that he wasn’t going to have to wait for another taxi, or that Lil wasn’t going home with this guy.

[jambled]

“Sure, Scotty.” She looked at her feet, shuffled them a little. Taking the hint, Scotty started walking towards the car park, giving her a little bit of privacy with the mystery man. Her former lover. Someone who knew more about her past than Scotty ever had. Even though he was a good five metres away from them, he still heard her soft words as they carried on the crisp night air.
“Don’t ever come here again. And stop trying to call me.” Then her footsteps as she caught up to him. She fell into step beside him and he looked down at her. The top of her head met his gaze; her eyes were cast downwards, her arms still wrapped tightly around her thin frame in a parody of coldness.
They reached her car, having walked to it in silence. Lilly unlocked it and they both slid in. She started the motor and waited a moment while it heated up, adjusting the heater and demister. They drove out past the front of the building and though Lilly kept her eyes steadfastly on the road, Scotty couldn’t help but look. Patrick was sitting back on the bench, his breath steaming in the night, eyes following the car as it drove down the street.
“Thanks for the ride, Lil.” Scotty said. He wasn’t sure she was going to talk to him. She had the propensity to clam up if anything got too close to her, to shut herself in and bar the doors. Instead, her eyes flicked over to him before returning to the road.
“Thanks, Scotty. I know the taxi goes to your house.” Scotty shifted in his seat, allowed the window a wry smile.
“Didn’t think you’d want to be left with him. The atmosphere was a bit…” Scotty trailed off. He wasn’t sure what he was going to say.
“Tense?” Lilly offered. She nodded, more to herself than to him.
“I guess you could say there’s a lot of water under that bridge.” She sighed, checked her rear view mirror, turned on a yellow light. Scotty held on as the wheels slid a little on the slick road. Lost in thoughts or memories, Lilly didn’t seem to notice. Then they were travelling straight again, and he released his grip on the dash.
“Anything you want to…” Again, Scotty faltered. The most Lilly had ever discussed of herself was necessary, explaining why she could identify with a certain victim or suspect. The comments she warily let slip were always followed by a swift change of subject. He’d managed to gather that her mother had preferred alcohol over taking care of her daughters, and that her father was more or less nonexistent. Chris had told him a little more about it, but he could never be sure what she’d said was the truth anymore. Thanks to Patrick, he knew he’d entertain visions of Lilly, sweet and hopeful, wearing red lipstick and being sultry just because she could. He knew when the good dreams rolled into the bad, he’d be haunted by the young Lilly Rush and the sick bastard listed on her 49. Broken Jaw. What she didn’t report…
He knew, too, that the rest of the conversation they’d had on the bench would go towards his picture of Lilly. He’d known her for five years now, and she was still an enigma. Beautiful, without trying to be, delicate to the point of breakage, tough as reinforced steel and more intelligent than most of the partners he’d ever had. Laughter was rare with her, smiles less so but usually, like now, her face was impassive, with the familiar shadows of sorrow settling in around her eyes, the way they did most nights.
“He was my fiancée. Once.” As enigma’s tend to do, she surprised him again by answering his question. Her words shocked him slightly, and he had to wonder why. Lilly was an attractive, albeit absolutely stunning woman. The first time he’d met her he’d looked into those blue eyes and, while she was too pale, too perfectly blonde for his liking, he’d felt carnal stirrings, as he knew most men did. She dressed down for work, never playing up her sensuality, but he knew it was there, somewhere under her protective façade. After Patrick’s comment about high heels, he knew he hadn’t been wrong; if Lil wasn’t as involved in her job and could relax more, he knew there wouldn’t be a shortage of men offering to buy her drinks. Even when she was working, all walls up to her emotions and history, she was still something. Sometimes he found his eyes tracing their way to her desk, following her eyes, every thread of emotion that crossed her face. Watched enviously as her fingertips paused, rubbing her bottom lip thoughtfully, or moved higher to brush a strand of hair back.
He felt he needed a follow up to her statement, but he tried to make his tone casual. The truth was, he was desperate to know. History with Lilly was scattered like rare diamonds in a rock wall. Enough chipping away, and another shimmering jewel was uncovered. More often than not, it would be less than shiny; some hidden melancholy.
“What happened?” Scotty asked. Lilly sighed again, accelerated through another yellow light. She shrugged a little in her seat, moved one hand off the steering wheel to flick a strand of hair back.
“It didn’t work.” She made it sound simple but Scotty knew, with relationships, it was never as easy as that. There was silence again between them, more comfortable than the silence that had uneasily convened between Lilly and her former fiancée.
“Was that him? All those calls you’ve been getting?” Scotty had noticed Lil coming back after being in the field to a pile of pink notes. She always sorted through, brought out anything case related and swept everything else into the bin. Lil nodded.
“Did he talk to you?” Her tone was carefully neutral, and Scotty stared ahead, trying not to flinch as they passed another car far too closely for his comfort. He wondered how to answer, but knew Lil would know if he was lying.
“A little. He really loves you, you know.” A little more daringly, Scotty decided to add the last part. To a point he could sympathise with how Patrick felt. Lil chuckled humourlessly, her lips never quite reaching a smile, the smile never reaching her eyes.
“If he really did, we might be married now.” Her tone was a little wistful, and Scotty remembered Patrick’s words; that she might be living interstate with three kids. As much as he hadn’t been able to imagine that, her words, aligning with Patrick’s made him wonder whether it had been something Lilly had wanted, and whether she’d given up yet on this particular dream. Something about that made him feel sad; Lilly shouldn’t have to give up her dreams because of a broken engagement, a 49 from her youth.
“He said you could curl ice cream perfectly.” Scotty suddenly felt the need to pull her out of the depths she was sinking into with a lighter memory. He wanted clarification on what Patrick had said anyway; if the ice cream myth was true, then perhaps the red lipstick and the high heels were as well.
“I guess it’s a gift a homicide detective never really gets to utilise.” After a long pause, Lilly answered with her usual undercurrent of sarcasm as she brought the car to a stop in front of Scotty’s apartment building.
“You know, Lil, if you want me to talk to him-.” Her quiet laugh stopped his sentence and she shook her head.
“I don’t think that’ll help. I’ve been ignoring him, hoping he’ll go away, but…” She ran her hands through her hair before letting the strands fall back down.
“I’ve got to deal with it sometime. Just not tonight. But thanks.” Scotty nodded to her as he got out of the car.
“See you tomorrow, Lil.” Scotty said. He shut the door and stepped back as she executed a perfect u-turn and drove off down the street, the car alternating between black and dark blue with the circles of light thrown by the street lamps. He knew she was a woman with history, but a fiancée? After shaking his head and looking down the street for a moment, Scotty walked inside.


So... What do you think? Should I stick to my usual fandom (O.C. fanfics) or keep going. Criticism/suggestions/everything welcome.

[tiger_lilly]

I like it a lot jambled! You've described the characters very well - true to how they are on the show. Please continue - this is great .

[jambled]

Chapter Two:
The next morning, Scotty caught the bus and got to the office early. The bus trip reminded him why he liked having a car in working order. Jeffries was at his desk already. Lil and Stillman were yet to come in, and Vera was, according to Jeffries, downstairs partaking in the donuts the dog squad ordered in every Tuesday morning.
Scotty dropped his briefcase on his desk and, after a brief mental debate with himself, sank into a chair opposite Jeffries.
“Did you know Lil had a fiancée?” He asked. Jeffries had known Lil for years, was her link to when she worked real homicide and, even before that, worked in forensics as a handwriting expert. Jeffries look back at him was sharp and slightly guarded, as everything that he held of Lilly’s was.
“How do you know?” The classic cop technique of answering a question with a question made Scotty smile, and he looked at the scarred tabletop before he answered.
“He was here last night. Out the front, actually, waiting for Lil when she got out.”
“What happened?” Jeffries’ tone was concerned as well as mildly alarmed, and Scotty looked back up to him, wondering, as he had most of last night, what really happened between Lil and Patrick.
“She told him not to come back, she drove me home. He was still sitting on the bench downstairs when we left.”
“Hm.” Jeffries, conceding that all was well, looked back down at the file he was perusing. Scotty looked up as Lilly walked in, Vera right behind her. He eased himself off the chair, moving back to his own desk. Lilly offered him a good morning, and he replied in turn, with no reference to last night. He’d figured as much, which was why he’d gone straight to Jeffries. He should have known better than that, too. Appointing himself as Lily’s unofficial bodyguard, he protected her secrets just as adequately as she did.
Stillman came in then, with instructions on their day, and Scotty was able to push thoughts of Lil and Patrick to the back of his mind as thoughts on the latest case took over.
As usual, it was another late night. They’d chased down leads that had looked promising, but that, as usual, would need more follow up. Lilly was writing out the last of the report, and Scotty found his eyes coming to rest on her as she put the end of the pen to her mouth thoughtfully. Her hair had fallen over one shoulder and, not for the first time, he wondered what it was that had prompted the change. She’d worn her hair up religiously in the first few years he’d known her, then, almost suddenly, she’d turned up with it smoother and blonder. Not that he minded the new look at all; she looked more feminine this way, more accessible. Unfortunately, she wasn’t, and her secrets were still held tight.
He’d been careful to avoid all mention of Patrick, even though he’d been unable to ignore the thought of him all day. Christina had alluded to something about hurting Lil nine years ago, but she’d never outlined the specific circumstances. He wondered if it had anything to do with Patrick; the way she’d looked when she saw him outside was a remarkable similar expression to when Scotty had been defending his relationship with Chris, had needed to use Christina’s ammunition because, right then, he‘d had nothing. Then again, knowing Chris, there were a million different ways she could have hurt Lil.
“You remember what Mrs Delfino said about Annie? She was bad news for James because she wasn’t from the right neighbourhood?” Lilly’s voice suddenly reached him across the room, and he snapped his eyes down to the similar report in front of him as she looked up. There’d been a brief second when their eyes had met, and he was cursing himself as he realised that she’d probably deduced that he’d been staring at her.
“Uh… Yeah. Wrong side of the tracks. Mrs D. said Annie’s mother was…” Scotty flicked through his notepad until he reached the right page.
“An alcoholic with too many different boyfriends. She hadn’t wanted her son associating with that type of woman.”
“Hmm…” Lil resumed writing, and Scotty couldn’t help but wonder if she’d ever come up against a prejudiced mother like Andrea Delfino was. If they could see her now…
“So you think we should track down Annie tomorrow?” Scotty decided to finish his report in the morning, flipped the file shut. Lil looked as if she was almost finished, and he wanted to walk her out.
“Well, she seems to be the best thing we’ve got at the moment. Mrs Delfino had thought they’d broken up but…” Lil shrugged, put her pen down. “Young love and all. It probably made it that much more exciting to be together. Probably thought they’d leave town together after high school, get married.”
“Instead, he ends up strangled after graduation and she stayed in the same neighbourhood.” Scotty grabbed his jacket and stood as Lil did. She shrugged as she put her jacket on, flicked her hair out of where it had caught under the collar.
“Guess sometimes the motivation to leave goes, you get too comfortable where you are. You need a ride home tonight?”
“Nah, got my car back. Mechanic tried to overcharge, but I talked him out of it.”
“You flashed your badge at him, didn’t you? Mentioned being friends with the IRS.”
“There’s gotta be some perks.” They shared a smile as they stepped into the lift, which faded for Lilly as soon as the lift doors opened downstairs. The streetlight outside was bright enough to illuminate the familiar figure who was standing outside. Scotty heard Lil’s quiet intake of breath, matched her hesitation before she crossed the lobby floor.
“Look, I know-.”
“I thought I made it clear.” Lil cut him off with her words, and Scotty could feel the ice underneath her tone. He’d been on the receiving end of that tone sometimes, and he knew it wasn’t a fun place to be. He loitered behind Lil, unsure of whether she wanted him there. She had said she was going to have to deal with this guy sometime, but he wasn’t sure whether she’d meant tonight.
“@#@#, Lil, fine minutes. We haven’t spoken since-.”
“And you thought that was just coincidental?” Lil shook her head, offered a humourless smile.
“Two seconds then. After nine years…” Patrick let his sentence trail off, and Scotty bit his lip. It was looking more likely that Patrick had been the event that had destroyed Lilly and Christina’s relationship the first time. Scotty didn’t know how anyone could have chosen Christina over Lilly unless they wanted nothing more than a mindless @#@#. Maybe that’s where the danger lay.
Lilly shook her head, turned away from him. Feeling deja vu, Scotty found himself walking beside her, away from Patrick.
“Kingfisher died.” The words, which made absolutely no sense to Scotty, made Lil stop and turn.
“When?”
“A few weeks ago.”
“Hm…” Lil was quiet for a moment before she shrugged, resumed her walk away from Patrick. Scotty waited until they were nearing their cars, out of earshot of Patrick, before he spoke.
“Kingfisher?” He asked. Lil bleeped her car open, hesitated at the door.
“He was our cat. I can’t believe he kept him…” She bit her lip and looked thoughtfully distant for a moment before coming back to the present.
“’Night, Scotty.”
“”Night.” Scotty sat in his car, watched her drive off. He wondered how long Patrick would persist; which one would wear down first. He liked to think Lil would win out in the end, but something about the way her eyes had looked when she’d told him about the cat… He was getting to her.

So I realise when Chris said nine years, that means it would be ten or so now. But I’m simplifying. It’s symbolism. It’s easier to write in. Let’s forget the inaccuracy; I know it’s there, and I choose to ignore it. I disregard your reality, and substitute my own.
Reviews loved! (hint, hint)

[tillace]

I like it very much so far - more please!

[TVFan]

This is excellent so far jambled!! Please continue. I absolutely love your writing style. It's so beautifully descriptive and intriguing.

[jambled]

Finally- I know. I've kind of been writing a page on each fic I have going, which isn't enough to post... I think I need to stick to just one *sigh*. But, at last, a chapter three.

Lil wrote down Annie’s address with trepidation. It was a block away from where she’d lived once, briefly. Although her mother had always kept them more or less in the same neighbourhood, they’d moved flats more times than she dared to remember. It was always the landlord throwing them out, abusing her mother because of the unpaid rent. As soon as she’d rented her own house, Lil had made sure she always had more than enough rent money in the account. Even seeing it dip below the thousand mark sometimes made her feel sick.
“Right to go?” Scotty infiltrated her pause, and she put the pen down, folded the address into her coat pocket.
“Sure.”

“Annie Lewis?” Scotty flashed his badge at the woman who opened the door, introduced himself and Lilly. Annie stood wordlessly to one side and let them enter the dingy flat. There was barely any natural light flowing in, and the air smelt stale like it had been used too many times without recycling.
“What do you want?” Annie settled herself into one of two chairs in the room and Lil let Scotty take the other. As a standing presence, she’d be more threatening. Not that Annie looked like it would take much to scare her; she was small and mousy. Lank hair was idly flipped up, tied with a rubber band. Her nails were bitten around the edges and her eyes were the colour of tepid dish water; a watery grey that matched the carpet’s colour exactly.
“We’re reopening a murder case. James Delfino.” Annie looked down at her hands, twisted the fingers together until they turned white. Abruptly letting go of the pressure, she looked up to them. The watery grey in her eyes had become shiny, unshed tears building until she blinked them back.
“It wasn’t me. I’ve already been cleared. I was working that night.”
“We know. We just wondered if there was anything else you could help us with. Something you might have remembered.” Lil picked up a picture on the mantel as Scotty continued with the questioning. It was obviously taken years ago, judging by the amount of years Annie had aged since. She was smiling, in the photo, looking up as she accepted a hug off James, who was standing next to her. It was a frighteningly unposed photo, a brief glimpse at the movement, the life that had once been there. Now it seemed to have fled James, through the hands of a murderer, and Annie, through circumstance and fault of her own. Lilly knew too well that if you stopped pushing back in a neighbourhood like this, it would consume you. But sometimes, the fight wasn’t worth it if you couldn’t see a way of getting out.
“Well… I didn’t tell anyone at the time… I mean, it was so stupid, right? And I didn’t want my mother to know.” Annie laughed a humourless laugh as she rifled through a cigarette packet, lit herself one. Watched the smoke curl lazily to hum along the ceiling before she continued.
“Her boyfriend at the time tried to get with me.”
“He didn’t know about James?” Scotty asked. Annie’s eyes flicked to his before they continued roaming around the room.
“Not at first. James barely ever came around to our place. Standard alcoholic’s apartment; I didn’t mind. So Pete starts making moves as soon as he moved in. And it wasn’t like I invited it, but I guess I could have done more to fend him off.”
“Why didn’t you?” Lilly asked.
“This was one way I could get back at my mother. She actually liked this guy. Didn’t know he was such a sleaze. And I loved James, okay.” Annie looked at both of them imploringly, as if she was trying to convince them. Scotty nodded for her to continue.
“But sometimes revenge can be too sweet. And my mother… She wasn’t up for mother of the year, you know? But I didn’t realise Pete had it so bad… First time he saw James and I kissing outside, he punched a hole in the wall.”

“I’ve gotta go to court. Vera and Will are back talking to James’ coach. Lil, someone at your desk to see you.” Kat met them as she was on her way out, updated them quickly. Lilly nodded, smiled, lost the smile as they checked their guns and she could recognise the silhouette. Scotty shifted his glance to her, noticed the sigh building, her backbone straightening as she walked over to Patrick, settled in the chair across from her desk.
“Thought I told you to stay away. And now you’re here.” Lil rolled her eyes, crossed her arms and her legs. Classic defensive move, but she couldn’t stop herself.
“Well you won’t talk to me outside. And I don’t know where you live these days, and you won’t talk to me on the phone so this is my last resort.” He pushed his hair back with the palm of his hand and leant forward, closer to Lil.
“Fine. Talk.” Lilly rolled her chair back slightly, wanting out of his space. She hadn’t seen him in nine years; hadn’t seen him since she’d found Christina wrapped around him in their bed. She’d left everything she owned with him and fled. He’d finally given up trying to contact her and she’d thought that had been that. Another bad memory.
“Well…” He looked around and Lil sighed, stood, motioned him towards the break room. Scotty watched them go in. The room was glass, and he could see they stayed standing. Patrick dwarfed Lilly, standing a full head taller than her. He stood too close for Scotty’s liking, but he knew Lil wouldn’t back down. Instead, she looked up at him, blonde hair tumbling further down her back.
“What is it? What’s so damn important?” Patrick shifted his feet, looked as if he was going to move closer to her. He’d always been one for invading people’s space; when they were together he’d always try and be as close to her as he could. It had been nice at first, then suffocating.
“Chris came to me a few days ago.” Lilly shook her head, allowed herself a smile as she walked over to the sink, turned to lean against it.
“Of course she did.”
“Lil… She just needed somewhere to stay. Somewhere safe. I let her crash on the couch-.” At this, Lil couldn’t help but snort, sure that Chris hadn’t spent one night on the couch if Patrick and his bed were available. Or their bed, if he’d held onto that too.
“@#@#, Lil, you never let me explain that night.”
“Didn’t seem like there was much to explain. There was you, and there was her and you were having sex in our bed. Really, I think I got it.”
“She was there, and you weren’t.”
“So now it’s my fault?” This time, Lilly laughed, recrossed her arms as Patrick moved closer.
“No, of course not. Look, it was stupid, okay? @#@#ing stupid. It’s… It’s the biggest regret of my life, okay? Doing that, losing you.” Lil lost the smile, looked at the ground.
“If I could take it back, I would.”
“But you can’t. If you have something to tell me, go ahead, but if you’re just going to reminisce, then you can go.” She didn’t think he’d ever realise how much he’d hurt her. In the second she’d walked into the room and realised who it was in their bed, she’d had to switch off the love and trust she had in her fiancé and in her sister. Although Chris’ level of trust had only been lukewarm to begin with, she’d loved Patrick, been imagining a future with matching armchairs and their children playing in the yard. It had been nine years and she thought she’d come to her own resolution about the situation; that he was a worthless sack of poo poo she was better without. Now, with him standing in front of her again, invading her breathing space, she wasn’t sure the relationship was as resolved as she’d thought. He still had that same smell she remembered, and though nine years had etched lines into his face and aged his eyes, he still had the same adolescent sparkle in them, the same way of moving, the same dimple in his cheek.
“I think something’s happened to Chris. She was meant to be staying a few days but after two she disappeared. Left all her stuff at my place.”
“How long ago?” Lilly felt the same cold punch of fear in her stomach that news of Christina always seemed to bring. She needed both hands to count the amount of times Chris had pulled a vanishing act, but this time it could be different. Lilly knew the police were after Chris, but she knew that the people she’d worked with, the fraud ring, were also looking for her. And they wouldn’t be giving her a suspended two to five.
“Three days before I came to see you. Last Friday. I thought she’d show up again, but she didn’t. I don’t think she’s done her own runner this time.” Lilly put a hand up to her mouth, bit her thumbnail. She looked up to Patrick as a half grin settled on his face.
“You still do that? Thought you’d have lost that habit by now.” Unsettled that he still remembered things like that, Lilly lowered her hand.
“I’ll have a look into it, okay? Unofficially. If I can’t turn anything up, you’ll have to file a MissPers report.”
“Me? Why don’t you file it?”
“You’ve always been… closer to her than I have.” Lilly let that shot settle as she pushed herself away from the sink.
“Besides, I haven’t seen her in a while. I’ve got nothing to say about it.” She moved to the door, opened it and stood to the side.
“So you’ll be in touch?” Patrick moved, stood too close to her again.
“I’ll call you by tomorrow night.” She offered him a fake smile and waited while he walked out. Vera and Jeffries passed him through the cage, and she could see Will exchange a glance with him; he’d known her when everything had folded and she knew he liked Patrick about as much as he liked Christina.
“You okay?” Scotty came over before Will and Vera joined them, and Lilly shrugged, looked to the other two, changed the subject.
“You guys get anything?”
“Coach was basically clueless. Said James was a good guy, everyone liked him. The usual.”
“Well, we gotta decent person of interest. Annie’s mother’s boyfriend, Pete Delgado. Who was apparently into Annie as well, and who wasn’t happy that she had a boyfriend.” Scotty looked towards the computer.
“Waiting for the DMV network to get back up so we can find an address.” Jeffries looked interested.
“Might be the most promising lead we’ve got yet.”

That night, Lil claimed she had to work late. Scotty had left her to it and walked out, expecting Patrick to be outside again. Instead, the bench was empty, the street clear of any tall, dark haired men. Maybe they’d come to some kind of agreement on whatever it was Patrick wanted to talk to her about and he’d leave her alone. Scotty hadn’t seen a pile of pink phone messages on Lil’s desk that afternoon, and although she’d been preoccupied, it didn’t seem like she was drowning herself in memories.

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[tillace]

more please!

[TVFan]

I love the way you described the interview with Annie. It was full of rich descriptions that had me picturing every second! Great scene between Lil and Patrick as well. I love how you described him as invading her personal space. It's the little things like these that make your stories stand out.

[Disasterfreak]

Jambled, you are so bloody good. My hat's out to you, it really is. Your descriptions are awesome (in my fic I always did my best, but I can REALLY tell you're a native speaker, lol), not only can I see clearly what you depict but your words flow, there's a style to them, something you don't usually see in fanfiction. The only other author with a particular style to her that I've read is Snow Ivy from ff.net. This is NOT an easy subject you picked, and you've been handling it with loving tact. Scotty's feelings for Lil are much as I thought they were at some point, sort of non-committal attraction if you can call it so, and it's touching to see how he reacts to this unfolding story of Lilly's. The way she's handling this whole situation is very in character (to her original character, I mean), our good ol' Lilly, before she got abducted by aliens during season 3 and they put another one in her place .

Freakin good. That's all.

[jambled]

“Hey, Linds, it’s me.” Lilly listened to her friend’s greeting and bit her lip. She’d stayed back a few hours last night, but hadn’t come up with anything on Christina. Except that the warrant was still outstanding. She did find that another guy who’d worked for the same fraud ring was a minor, currently languishing in a cell awaiting the decision of whether he’d be tried as an adult. And that his attorney was none other than her friend from high school.
“You know Jimmy Grey? Yeah, credit card fraud. Is there any way I can talk to him?” Lilly waited for an answer, shifted her briefcase in her hand as she started walking up the steps to the PD.
“Yeah, I can meet you. I’ll explain everything then. Thanks.” Lil flipped her phone shut, pushed through the door. DMV network had been repaired too late for she and Scotty to be able to talk to Mr Delgado and they planned on seeing him this morning. Vera and Jeffries had seen Annie’s mother yesterday and had apparently, according to them, absorbed enough animosity to last them all afternoon. As much as she didn’t like her daughter though, she had an alibi that checked out. Her phone rang just as she got on the lift and she looked at the number, didn’t recognise it, answered.
“Rush.”
“It’s Patrick.”
“I said I’d call you tonight.”
“I was worried.” Lil rolled her eyes, got off at the third floor. Of course he was worried about Christina; it was always about Chris.
“Of course you were. I mean, you only get two days to get horizontal with her and then she vanishes. That’s gotta make you worried.”
“@#@#, Lil, I told you… Jesus, she was sleeping on the couch. After that one time… That was it. I didn’t even want to let her in, but… I mean, she’s related to you and… @#@#. I thought I’d be helping you out. And I wasn’t worried about her, I was worried about you. In case you found anything. She is your sister.” Lilly sighed, managed to juggle the phone and get her jacket off without hanging up on him. As much as she felt like doing that right now. He’d always made her feel extremes, and right now she was tiffed at him, although she couldn’t pinpoint why. Maybe because he thought helping her was opening the door to the same woman that had so effectively broken them up in the first place, or because he was still as good at spinning a line as he used to be. Of course he’d say he was worried about her, and not Christina.
“I’m going to talk to someone today. That was running the numbers with her. He’s in juvvie.”
“Want me to come?” Lil put a hand to her forehead as she reached her desk, sank into her chair and tried not to grit her teeth.
“What the hell for? What are you going to do? You’re not even a cop anymore. Do you know how hard it was for me to get in to see him?” She kept her voice down with effort, almost hissing at him. Actually, it took a short phone call, but she didn’t need him to know that. She had the urge to get him as irrationally annoyed as she was. It had been a pattern through their relationship that, nine years later, they fell right back into. If one of them was upset about something, they’d try and goad the other into a fight so that there could be the make up.
“Jesus @#@#ing Christ, Lilly, it was just a question. Okay? In case he told you something you didn’t want to hear. So I’d be there for you.” Lilly was to her feet in a flash.
“So you’d be-.” She cut herself off, realising she’d raised her voice. Looking up, she caught three sets of eyes immediately snap down to their desks. It would have been four sets, but Vera wasn’t in yet. Lilly sank back into her chair, spun so she was facing the other way, lowered her voice.
“I think I can handle whatever he says, okay? I’ve managed for the past ten years without you there for me. I’ll talk to you tonight.” Feeling satisfied, Lil flipped her phone shut before he could say anything else. She spun back around and caught Scotty’s eye.
“You ready to talk to Delgado?” He nodded, picked up his jacket and preceded her out the door.

“Sorry I’m late.” Lil jogged across the street from the car, joined Lindsay. She and Scotty had mentioned James’ name and Pete Delgado had scampered down his hallway and out his back door as well as a three hundred pound man could scamper. They’d caught him before he’d made the back fence and decided to take him to the station for questioning. She’d had to excuse herself from the interrogation and rush out.
“I just got here myself. Court ran over. So, what’s with my client?” They walked into the detention centre and waited while their names were cleared.
“Well, you’ll never guess whose back in town, and you’ll never guess why.” Lindsay signed Lil in as a guest, watched her check her gun.
“You’ve got some pretty interesting skeletons in your past. I think I’ll pass.”
“Patrick. Because he thinks Christina is missing; and not of her own accord.”
“And he thinks that because…?” Lindsay had known Lilly longer than she hadn’t. She’d brought chocolate and wine after the engagement had been called off and they’d had a girls night in.
“She was staying with him for a few days.” Lilly shook her head, followed Lindsay through the security gate.
“Anyway, I said I’d check it out. This kid was running numbers with Chris, so I thought I’d ask him about her.”
“Over there.” Lindsay motioned towards the skinny kid across the room. He was slouched on a visitor’s chair, picking at the edge of the table.
“Hey, Jimmy.” Lindsay sank into a chair opposite him and Lilly followed suit. He grunted a reply but looked up, his eyes lingering on Lilly.
“I’m Lilly. You used to work with someone called Christina.” Lil didn’t want to scare him off by revealing she was a detective.
“So?” He shifted position so he was leaning back, arms folded.
“She might be missing.”
“You a cop or something?” Lil brushed back her hair, decided to lie by omission.
“She’s my sister.”
“Really?” He looked to Lindsay, who nodded. Leaning forward, Jimmy appeared to soften.
“She was nice. I mean, she could be a hard arse if I didn’t get the numbers in on time, but other than that she was good.”
“You gave the numbers to her?” Lil asked. Jimmy shrugged.
“Yeah, she was the boss. Told everyone else what to do.” Lil looked down at the desk. Chris had sworn to her that she hadn’t even known she was involved in fraudulent activities; that the people she worked for made her do it. Of course she’d have lied about that.
“You ask me, she’s missing because the cops are on her tail.”
“Thanks, Jimmy.” Lilly looked across to Lindsay.
“I’ll wait for you outside.”

Lil only had to wait five minutes outside until Lindsay appeared.
“You need a ride back?” Lilly asked. Lindsay nodded and they crossed the street, slid into the car.
“Guess that settles it. Chris is gone because she wants to be gone. Again.” Lilly pulled out into the traffic.
“When are you going to tell Patrick that?”
“I said I’d call him tonight.” There was a brief silence.
“So, how does he look after ten years?” Lindsay asked. Lilly sighed, turned a corner, shook her head as she shot a quick glance over to the passenger seat.
“Almost the same. Just as tall.” She allowed herself a smile. “He looks good. Doesn’t mean he’s not still a lying bastard.” Lindsay grinned.
“Glad to see you haven’t melted again.”
“What do you mean again?”
“Come on. I was in the bar where you met him. Your eyes locked across the room and everyone in between felt the heat.” Lilly let out an incredulous laugh, although she knew Lindsay was right. It had been instantaneous; as soon as she’d seen him, she’d wanted him. He’d bought her a vodka that she hadn’t had time to drink before they left together.
“The ship has sailed. It was gone as soon as….” Lilly trailed off as she pulled up outside the courthouse.
“Call me if you need another night with wine and chocolate and good, old fashioned female b*tching.” Lindsay opened the door and got out.
“Thanks, Linds.” Waving as she pulled away, Lilly checked her watch, swore. She’d told Stillman she’d been half an hour and it was going on forty minutes. Pulling in to the parking lot, she hurriedly locked the car and rushed up the stairs.

“We got him.” Scotty said as she walked in. Lil dropped her bag at her desk.
“Full confession?”
“And where we can find the murder weapon. Kat and Will are out with CSU getting it now.” Lilly smiled, took off her jacket.
“That’s good news. Vera gone to tell Mrs Delfino?” Scotty nodded.
“Your thing go okay?” Lilly nodded, not wanting to talk about where she’d been. At least Jimmy’s words would get rid of Patrick. Stillman opened the door to his office, looking serious.
“Lil, can I talk to you for a minute.” Lilly nodded, stood up from the desk she’d been leaning on to walk into his room.
“You might want to sit down.” Lil perched herself on the edge of a chair. She couldn’t remember doing anything that required admonishment. Then again, the Boss looked more upset than angry. She felt that same coil of fear that Patrick’s news had brought.
“Homicide three just called over. Christina’s body was just discovered in the boot of a car.” Lilly tried to gasp but she could find the air. She bent over, looked at her feet, concentrated on reminding herself to breath. She’d just stopped worrying, after she’d seen Jimmy. She was looking forward to getting Patrick out of her life and everything going back to normal.
“Lil, I’m sorry.” Stillman came around, rested a hand on her shoulder. Lilly finally managed to draw a decent breath. She had to find their mother. She had to tell Patrick he’d been right to be worried, while she’d been annoyed at the intrusion. Annoyed at having to put time into finding her sister. Her own sister. Who was now laid out at the morgue. Lilly put her head back between her knees. She felt dizzy, like the walls were swaying towards her, closing in. She’d told Christina she never wanted to see her again; and now she wouldn’t. Despite everything, she was still her baby sister. She’d taught her how to swim, how to clean their mother up after a particularly bad drinking binge, how to tie her shoelaces.
“Is there anyone I can call?” Lilly shook her head, lifted it with effort. Her first thought was to call Ray, but he was halfway across the country on a biking trip. Her second thought was Patrick and before she could consider the repercussions she had her phone open.
“I’ll just…” Lil scrolled to received calls. She called his number, didn’t bother to say hello.
“Can you come see me? Now?” He must have heard the tremor in her voice because he agreed, hung up immediately.
“Take the rest of the afternoon off, Lil. The rest of the week. Next week. As long as you need.” Stillman stood as she did. Lil nodded at his suggestions. She knew she probably couldn’t stay away from work for two weeks, but this afternoon she wasn’t going to be able to concentrate on anything except Christina. The fact that she’d yelled at her the last time she’d seen her. That she’d never gotten a chance to say sorry.
“I can drive you home.” Stillman opened the door for her and Lilly shook her head again.
“No, that’s okay. I’ve got someone…” Stillman made her feel like a child as he gathered her bag for her. She took it and put her jacket on, walked to the elevator. It opened to reveal Patrick, looking worried. He opened his arms and Lil stepped into them, revelling in the familiarity of them. Ten years, and he still felt the same. He didn’t ask her what was wrong, and she was grateful. He was just there, tall, strong and silent.

I had an entire other paragraph written out explaining myself. But you know what... You don't like it, don't read it. And let me know why you didn't like it. But if you do like it, then great. I'm glad.
disasterfreak- Snow Ivy is great, I love her work and she always gives gorgeous reviews. That comparison is very flattering! As is all of your review. Thank you, thank you.

[TVFan]

I think in the context of Ray's return on the show and the death of her sister in your story, her stepping into Patrick's arms doesn't need any explaination. He was there, and she needed someone. I definitely didn't see Chris' murder coming at all, jambled!! I figured everything was going back to normal. I can't wait to read more!!